How should you feel when...

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jul 11, 2013 11:11 AM GMT
    Ok, so I was seeing a guy for casual sex for a few weeks, I'd mentioned it to a friend that I wasn't that into it. We all went to a party I introduced by fuck buddy to my good friend. Me and my fuck buddy return home, mess around, I tell him I think its best we don't have casual sex anymore because we work together and I was worried we'd get attached and it would be messy. I leave his place.

    I discover within hour of me leaving he went to my good friend's place and messed around with him for two days, then dumped him because he was into someone else.

    How should I be feeling? Annoyed with my friend for assuming it was over? or with the fuck buddy for fucking my friend?

    Or is it all fair play in gay land?


    Advice appreciated!


  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jul 11, 2013 11:41 AM GMT
    anyone plz?
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    Jul 11, 2013 12:12 PM GMT
    It's already a mess..

    ..Well if you'd like to discuss ethics.. Your friend is not a good one..and your fuck buddy will fuck anything that moves.
    ..Now you work with this guy?.. Ouch!
    I hope it works out. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 12:14 PM GMT
    Oh yeah..they are both devious and greedy..
    Set them free..
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jul 11, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    Thanks dude.

    Those were my thoughts.

    To be honest, I'm more annoyed with my friend.

    FB relationships are just that: doing something together. Nothing more.

    But for a friend to go there, it's kind of tasteless. And then to hide it until he gets dumped. It says everything you need to do its hos before bros. And not a healthy foundation for a real friendship. More someone you party with.

    All my other friends were like "don't be so surprised this is the gay world, and this is said friend's personality" . But for me that doesn't make it okay, it just hammers home, he's dirty (not in a good way), a bit desperate to prove something (to himself) and has low emotional intelligence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 1:19 PM GMT
    Oh my!.. So if your friend hadn't been dumped..they would still be messing around behind your back..WOW!!

    That is no friend !

    I hope putting the pieces back together will be less painful.
    Take care mate.
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    Jul 11, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    Piers40 saidOk, so I was seeing a guy for casual sex for a few weeks, I'd mentioned it to a friend that I wasn't that into it. We all went to a party I introduced by fuck buddy to my good friend. Me and my fuck buddy return home, mess around, I tell him I think its best we don't have casual sex anymore because we work together and I was worried we'd get attached and it would be messy. I leave his place.

    I discover within hour of me leaving he went to my good friend's place and messed around with him for two days, then dumped him because he was into someone else.

    How should I be feeling? Annoyed with my friend for assuming it was over? or with the fuck buddy for fucking my friend?

    Or is it all fair play in gay land?


    Advice appreciated!




    No commitments had been made so no social contracts had been broken. It was just sex. Get over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    Piers40 saidOk, so I was seeing a guy for casual sex for a few weeks, I'd mentioned it to a friend that I wasn't that into it. We all went to a party I introduced by fuck buddy to my good friend. Me and my fuck buddy return home, mess around, I tell him I think its best we don't have casual sex anymore because we work together and I was worried we'd get attached and it would be messy. I leave his place.

    I discover within hour of me leaving he went to my good friend's place and messed around with him for two days, then dumped him because he was into someone else.

    How should I be feeling? Annoyed with my friend for assuming it was over? or with the fuck buddy for fucking my friend?

    Or is it all fair play in gay land?


    Advice appreciated!




    I think it would help to disengage from the idea that this is a gay phenomenon. Ask some straights that are into FBs and you'll be considerably wider of eye. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    theantijock saidNo commitments had been made so no social contracts had been broken. It was just sex. Get over it.

    Exactly this ^^

    The OP did not make any commitments of exclusivity or anything of the sort with his FB or friend and shouldn't expect the same from either.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jul 11, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    But then again, you can't really blame your friend if the person you were fucking was just a fuck buddy, and you said you were not that into him. There was no commitment with the fuck buddy so he's free to play with anyone. Albeit, slutty but... there were no commitments to anyone!

    Sure, your friend should've told you about messing around with him but ultimately, its all just sex. Maybe you're already somewhat attached to your fuck buddy or else you wouldn't be feeling this way :/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    Trauts saidBut then again, you can't really blame your friend if the person you were fucking was just a fuck buddy, and you said you were not that into him. There was no commitment with the fuck buddy so he's free to play with anyone. Albeit, slutty but... there were no commitments to anyone!

    Sure, your friend should've told you about messing around with him but ultimately, its all just sex. Maybe you're already somewhat attached to your fuck buddy or else you wouldn't be feeling this way :/



    It's not the lack of commitment but a reflection of his friend's respect of their platonic relationship.

    Similar to bringing a gay friend as a wing man and he ends up sleeping with the guy you already been to bed with (whether its NSA or dating). It's just bro code... if you value your friendship then fucking your friend's bitch isn't worth it.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jul 11, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    No, I'm emphatically not attached. I'm just new to fuck buddy business and trying to have some kind of boundaries.

    Increasingly when it comes to sex everyone has their own boundaries.

    Personally, I wouldn't hook up with a guy my friend has on the same night. Or even in the next few days. But my friend seems to have no qualms with it.

    So I'm trying to understand the norm/if they is a norm? I'm definitely not conservative but it just feels a bit strange for my friend to jump on board so willingly, stay quiet about it, then express guilt and remorse ONLY when he'd been dumped.

    Yes, fuck buddy is slutty, but as you all correctly stated, it was just sex. I am detached. It just is a bit too close to home when friends start having a go on the same night. It's a bit off for me.

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jul 11, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    roro89 said
    Trauts said

    Similar to bringing a gay friend as a wing man and he ends up sleeping with the guy you already been to bed with (whether its NSA or dating). It's just bro code... if you value your friendship then fucking your friend's bitch isn't worth it.icon_rolleyes.gif


    I agree and this has happened to me also. It IS bro code. But seemingly the guys I hang out with don't subscribe to it, though strangely the friend who did this has plenty-a-time complained about how he's victim of this happening. At the time I was completely sympathetic. Now I just find him a bit silly and totally hypocritical.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 3:36 PM GMT
    monty-python-monks-o.gif

    The bro code: because sex is too dirty to share.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2013 3:39 PM GMT
    Piers40 saidPersonally, I wouldn't hook up with a guy my friend has on the same night. Or even in the next few days.


    They're friends, not filtrations.

  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jul 11, 2013 7:38 PM GMT
    Well, if you're just casually messing around with someone, you really can't have any expectations of loyalty. Period.

    As for your good friend, it's a bit more muddy. You weren't dating Mr. Casual, so your friend has every right to sleep with Mr. Casual if he wants to. But, if he has some class and respect for your friendship, you'd think he'd steer clear and find his own Mr. Casual.

    You can't help feeling what you're feeling about your good friend. If he soured your friendship, then cut him loose.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jul 11, 2013 7:52 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidWTF?
    You weren't dating him. It was sex.
    Your friend didn't do anything wrong, neither did your FB.


    I gotta agree. Maybe some lack of tact or taste involved, but nobody violated the Woodchuck's Manual.