Just wish I could find love... Sick of being used...


  • Jul 12, 2013 10:51 PM GMT
    I'm so sick if men using me for sex. Acting like they want to be with me, going on dates and they are talking to other people... And I try
    To ask tem to be monogamous with me, and they disregard the question... Why is it so hard to did someone who only wants a soulmate. Someone that is there for you... Someone to support you...

    I think I'm an attractive person I'm sweet caring passionate, I always want my man to be satisfied! Why is it that I'm single and depressed and not happy...

    Why do men always use the nice guys, the ones that actually have a heart? I don't want to be a douchebag but sometimes I feel if I don't act like that people will still keep walking all over me... I would give up all I have to find that one person that loves me for me as I would them... I would move wherever they wanted to, I am in this for love... I want to love just as much as I want to be loved...

    People say oh your 21 just wait it takes time...

    We don't know how much longer were going to be here. I could die tomorrow and have nothing or no one to show for it... Why would I want to wait on something I want so badly...

    Just wish I could find love...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Looking for love in all the wrong places?

    .. I think you have to be careful..very careful when you choose a partner.

    .. If you think men are using you for sex.. Wait before you put out.

    Lets be honest here.. There are a few things you are doing wrong...This is why you are not getting the results you need..

    ..Maybe hold off on dating till you finds a worthy mate.

    Hugz

  • Jul 12, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    I don't want to wait to long, we don't know how long we are going to even be living... I could die tomorrow... I just want that fairy tale... Someone who gets me the way I get them... I want someone to be there...

    And maybe I need to stop putting out, but then I don't want to give them the message that I'm not attracted to them so then they will move on and I would have lost my chance... Makes me feel so ugly that I can't find love... I would do anything for love
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    Implement a 90 day rule.
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    Jul 12, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    Muffffffffin saidI don't want to wait to long, we don't know how long we are going to even be living... I could die tomorrow... I just want that fairy tale... Someone who gets me the way I get them... I want someone to be there...

    And maybe I need to stop putting out, but then I don't want to give them the message that I'm not attracted to them so then they will move on and I would have lost my chance... Makes me feel so ugly that I can't find love... I would do anything for love



    Lol. Stop. Please.
    You don't need to get banged so quick to show your attraction towards a guy.

    First - work on your self esteem.
    Second - accept reality
    Third - be upfront about your definition of dating. Let them know you see it as 1 on 1 interaction. If they don't agree, then move on!

    Stop settling for less.

    Don't assume a date leads to boyfriend material, despite the evening going all too well. Some guys date and still make themselves available; they're making a half-assed attempt while keeping a lookout for the next best thing. While some guys don't mind this, but if you don't appreciate it then have some dignity and cut him loose.
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    Jul 12, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    Muffffffffin saidI don't want to wait to long, we don't know how long we are going to even be living... I could die tomorrow... I just want that fairy tale... Someone who gets me the way I get them... I want someone to be there...

    And maybe I need to stop putting out, but then I don't want to give them the message that I'm not attracted to them so then they will move on and I would have lost my chance... Makes me feel so ugly that I can't find love... I would do anything for love


    There is no fairytale, best you understand this now.

    Be the man you wish to date, as in partake in the activities you admire.
    If you were to die tomorrow wouldn't it be better to have lived your life your way, even when it appears to be difficult. Likelihood is you wont die tomorrow so don't let your choices now define and inhibit your future.
    Life (and relationships) are hard.
    Don't become one of those queens who at 30 is already bitter because Mr Perfect hasnt come along yet. No one is perfect and no one man will forfil all your needs.
    If you dont want to put out then dont. Men only want what they cant have, and some guys even though they will have sex with you, will be put off by your easiness and not be interested in pursuing a relationship.
    lastly when a guy is truly interested in you he will go out of his way to be with you.


  • Jul 13, 2013 12:22 AM GMT
    yiboz said
    Muffffffffin saidI don't want to wait to long, we don't know how long we are going to even be living... I could die tomorrow... I just want that fairy tale... Someone who gets me the way I get them... I want someone to be there...

    And maybe I need to stop putting out, but then I don't want to give them the message that I'm not attracted to them so then they will move on and I would have lost my chance... Makes me feel so ugly that I can't find love... I would do anything for love


    There is no fairytale, best you understand this now.

    Be the man you wish to date, as in partake in the activities you admire.
    If you were to die tomorrow wouldn't it be better to have lived your life your way, even when it appears to be difficult. Likelihood is you wont die tomorrow so don't let your choices now define and inhibit your future.
    Life (and relationships) are hard.
    Don't become one of those queens who at 30 is already bitter because Mr Perfect hasnt come along yet. No one is perfect and no one man will forfil all your needs.
    If you dont want to put out then dont. Men only want what they cant have, and some guys even though they will have sex with you, will be put off by your easiness and not be interested in pursuing a relationship.
    lastly when a guy is truly interested in you he will go out of his way to be with you.



    Thanks so much it means a lot! I guess your right, it just hard to live life alone I guess I wish I had someone to be with I guess have fun, a companion.. But you are right...

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    Jul 13, 2013 1:10 AM GMT
    Muffffffffin said
    yiboz said
    Muffffffffin saidI don't want to wait to long, we don't know how long we are going to even be living... I could die tomorrow... I just want that fairy tale... Someone who gets me the way I get them... I want someone to be there...

    And maybe I need to stop putting out, but then I don't want to give them the message that I'm not attracted to them so then they will move on and I would have lost my chance... Makes me feel so ugly that I can't find love... I would do anything for love


    There is no fairytale, best you understand this now.

    Be the man you wish to date, as in partake in the activities you admire.
    If you were to die tomorrow wouldn't it be better to have lived your life your way, even when it appears to be difficult. Likelihood is you wont die tomorrow so don't let your choices now define and inhibit your future.
    Life (and relationships) are hard.
    Don't become one of those queens who at 30 is already bitter because Mr Perfect hasnt come along yet. No one is perfect and no one man will forfil all your needs.
    If you dont want to put out then dont. Men only want what they cant have, and some guys even though they will have sex with you, will be put off by your easiness and not be interested in pursuing a relationship.
    lastly when a guy is truly interested in you he will go out of his way to be with you.



    Thanks so much it means a lot! I guess your right, it just hard to live life alone I guess I wish I had someone to be with I guess have fun, a companion.. But you are right...



    No worries hang in there and start being what you want today ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2013 1:49 AM GMT
    Men don't buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    Join the club of young single men. icon_lol.gif

    And I'm going to say what I always say to them (And by them I mean by extension me) don't go looking for it. You say you don't want to be used but looking...it's like a gazelle looking for the lion.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 13, 2013 2:10 AM GMT
    IceBuckets saidJoin the club of young single men. icon_lol.gif

    And old ones, too, perhaps.

    Having lost two partners and having been celibate for over a decade, I can relate. I miss the companionship, the cuddling -- and the sex, too, of course but more the former than the latter. Curling up with the second pillow just doesn't cut it.

    BUT you are very young. I know, I know, you don't feel that way. You feel all grown up and all. But let me ask you this, did you date other guys when you were a teenager? I'll bet you didn't. Most gay guys don't date as teens and, consequently, they have to go through that learning curve later on, usually in their early 20s.

    It's also true none of us know how long we have. My first partner died at age 53 (which, no doubt, seems ancient to you but is actually quite young). My second died at the same age, although at the time he was 10 years younger than I. But what you don't yet realize is you can't "force" a relationship, however much you may want one. Are you *ready* to be a PARTNER in a committed relationship where two men love one another and vow, publicly or otherwise, to stay together through thick and thin, sickness and health, and all that? Cuz, those ups and downs, goods and bads, they're a part of any relationship.

    As others have suggested, become the man you wish to 'wed' and your prince will show up. Then make the most of it because, even if you find the one you love and who loves you, there's no guarantee it will last.
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    Jul 13, 2013 2:12 AM GMT
    Muffffffffin said
    To ask tem to be monogamous with me, and they disregard the question...


    How long are you waiting before you ask this question?
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Jul 13, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    It may sometimes feel like you're a lone man on a deserted island surrounded by sharks, but look a bit harder and you may find that you too have a fin on your back. I'm not saying you're a terrible person, but if you're not willing to look past certain shortcomings in others then you're never going to see or correct your own. Maybe you should attempt to learn what the other guy wants first before you become intimate. Speaking from personal experience, skipping right to the bedroom generally destroys any chance of developing actual love. There are exceptions to this of course, but I sure as shit ain't one of them.

    Just slow down, relax, and focus on developing yourself. It's like filling out a resume for a job, but it takes your whole life. Yes, you are young. As am I - as desperately as I want to find someone, I've gotta keep telling myself that the longer I sit around waiting for love, the less chance I have of finding it. Do things to take your mind off of it. Build on your hobbies. Learn new ones. Small things. Stuff you can do to make yourself seem more interesting / appealing. Stuff you can talk about.

    If you're so distressed about being used, then I suggest you stop wearing your heart on your sleeve like this. You are unhappy because you want something now that you cannot just will out of thin air. You keep falling back on sex to kill the pain when you know full well you need more than just sex. That's not healthy, and it can lead to horrible consequences. Do not trust your body to people you do not know.

    And kindly learn when and when not to use ellipses (...). Using them overmuch makes your writing look like that of a junior high school student icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 13, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    read the book "he's just not that into you" and "why men love bitches." It not only helps with finding relationships, but it's about being ok with yourself. You may not be happy being single, but it's also not great to be in a miserable relationship.
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    Jul 13, 2013 4:30 AM GMT
    Muffffffffin saidWhy do men always use the nice guys, the ones that actually have a heart? I don't want to be a douchebag but sometimes I feel if I don't act like that people will still keep walking all over me... I would give up all I have to find that one person that loves me for me as I would them... I would move wherever they wanted to, I am in this for love... I want to love just as much as I want to be loved...

    People say oh your 21 just wait it takes time...

    We don't know how much longer were going to be here. I could die tomorrow and have nothing or no one to show for it... Why would I want to wait on something I want so badly...

    Just wish I could find love...


    you'll find love, may be today, may be tomorrow or may be even after a decade...but you'll find one.
    just, until you find one(even after) don't mix with superficial people who look for sex.
    That's the 1st thing you have to do.
    2nd, be happy with what you have, I've seen many families who are struggling and starving themselves to feed their children, just imagine how tiny or insignificant your problem is compared to them...Trust me, you'll feel a lot blessed when you look and stay with them at least for a day.
    Yes, age doesn't matter if one can differentiate between love and infatuation.
    I know how it feels, it is very painful and tragic and unable to bear anything & depressing...but still, you can't ignore the fact...and the fact is, you'll find one...be optimistic ;)

  • Jul 13, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Muffffffffin said
    To ask tem to be monogamous with me, and they disregard the question...


    How long are you waiting before you ask this question?


    Usually 1-3 months

  • Jul 13, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    MikeW said
    IceBuckets saidJoin the club of young single men. icon_lol.gif

    And old ones, too, perhaps.

    Having lost two partners and having been celibate for over a decade, I can relate. I miss the companionship, the cuddling -- and the sex, too, of course but more the former than the latter. Curling up with the second pillow just doesn't cut it.

    BUT you are very young. I know, I know, you don't feel that way. You feel all grown up and all. But let me ask you this, did you date other guys when you were a teenager? I'll bet you didn't. Most gay guys don't date as teens and, consequently, they have to go through that learning curve later on, usually in their early 20s.

    It's also true none of us know how long we have. My first partner died at age 53 (which, no doubt, seems ancient to you but is actually quite young). My second died at the same age, although at the time he was 10 years younger than I. But what you don't yet realize is you can't "force" a relationship, however much you may want one. Are you *ready* to be a PARTNER in a committed relationship where two men love one another and vow, publicly or otherwise, to stay together through thick and thin, sickness and health, and all that? Cuz, those ups and downs, goods and bads, they're a part of any relationship.

    As others have suggested, become the man you wish to 'wed' and your prince will show up. Then make the most of it because, even if you find the one you love and who loves you, there's no guarantee it will last.




    I get all if this but in all realness I have been dating since I was fifteen.. My last ex and I lasted 3 years, he physically and mentally amused
    Me, and I swore I was going to leave him but then he'd say sorry
    And I would forgive him like I always do to everyone I forgive
    Them... But April was the last straw and yes I loved him, very much but I had to end it... He would always accuse me if cheating... Bcuz I was younger... He said its second nature to cheat when your younger... I never cheated not
    Once... He cheated on me... Anyways I'm rambling...


    My point is is that I have been through ups and downs and I have though I found my mr right when he wasn't... No one is perfect I'm not saying that... I just want someone to love me the way I love them... I have been cheated on so much... Am I that ugly or a bad partner to be cheated on... What's wrong with me?

  • Jul 13, 2013 5:24 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidWell, OP, I respect you for knowing what you want.
    I've always said, there's guys that know they want to have a mate and are better off married than single.
    I relate. When I was 21, I also wanted my white picket fence, husband and 2 dogs in the yard.

    It hurt like hell when things didn't work out.
    There's someone out there for you. Let him find you.
    He will. TRUST me!


    Thank you!! This means a lot! Very sweet!

  • Jul 13, 2013 5:27 AM GMT
    Rhi_Bran saidIt may sometimes feel like you're a lone man on a deserted island surrounded by sharks, but look a bit harder and you may find that you too have a fin on your back. I'm not saying you're a terrible person, but if you're not willing to look past certain shortcomings in others then you're never going to see or correct your own. Maybe you should attempt to learn what the other guy wants first before you become intimate. Speaking from personal experience, skipping right to the bedroom generally destroys any chance of developing actual love. There are exceptions to this of course, but I sure as shit ain't one of them.

    Just slow down, relax, and focus on developing yourself. It's like filling out a resume for a job, but it takes your whole life. Yes, you are young. As am I - as desperately as I want to find someone, I've gotta keep telling myself that the longer I sit around waiting for love, the less chance I have of finding it. Do things to take your mind off of it. Build on your hobbies. Learn new ones. Small things. Stuff you can do to make yourself seem more interesting / appealing. Stuff you can talk about.

    If you're so distressed about being used, then I suggest you stop wearing your heart on your sleeve like this. You are unhappy because you want something now that you cannot just will out of thin air. You keep falling back on sex to kill the pain when you know full well you need more than just sex. That's not healthy, and it can lead to horrible consequences. Do not trust your body to people you do not know.

    And kindly learn when and when not to use ellipses (...). Using them overmuch makes your writing look like that of a junior high school student icon_confused.gif



    Hahaha thanks for the input and about the... I always do it I don't mean to. It's to break things up. I guess that's what a single period is for. Ha
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jul 13, 2013 1:43 PM GMT
    Go on a dating site and write a really long profile with everything you want, monogamy, etc. The longer the better. Lots of nice guys will read it all and contact you. The players dont read more than one line.
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    Jul 13, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    Muffffffffin said
    Scruffypup said
    Muffffffffin said
    To ask tem to be monogamous with me, and they disregard the question...


    How long are you waiting before you ask this question?


    Usually 1-3 months



    DING DING DING! I knew it. That's WAY too soon to even hint at monogamy! You don't know who the person is after 1-3 months! You're scaring the living shit out of guys trying to have that conversation that soon. You should engage in circular dating for at least a year before talking about monogamy. By circular dating, I mean dating several guys at once. Even if you find a guy you really really like, continue circular dating until an appropriate amount of time has passed. This will also make you not seem so needy and desperate. There is no bigger turnoff than desperation!
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    Jul 13, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Muffffffffin said
    Scruffypup said
    Muffffffffin said
    To ask tem to be monogamous with me, and they disregard the question...


    How long are you waiting before you ask this question?


    Usually 1-3 months



    DING DING DING! I knew it. That's WAY too soon to even hint at monogamy! You don't know who the person is after 1-3 months! You're scaring the living shit out of guys trying to have that conversation that soon. You should engage in circular dating for at least a year before talking about monogamy. By circular dating, I mean dating several guys at once. Even if you find a guy you really really like, continue circular dating until an appropriate amount of time has passed. This will also make you not seem so needy and desperate. There is no bigger turnoff than desperation!



    Monogamy = desperation?
    Circular dating? Horrible advice icon_lol.gif



    The problem is that the OP is desperate; he needs an attitude adjustment.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 13, 2013 3:47 PM GMT
    Muffffffffin said...
    My point is is that I have been through ups and downs and I have though I found my mr right when he wasn't... No one is perfect I'm not saying that... I just want someone to love me the way I love them... I have been cheated on so much... Am I that ugly or a bad partner to be cheated on... What's wrong with me?

    Wow, I'm really sorry to hear that, especially the abuse part. That's not ok and thanks, I get where you're coming from more clearly now.

    There isn't anything "wrong" with you and you're certainly not "ugly." Far from it. But apparently there is a "problem" in terms of the kind of guys you are attracted to and/or attract. The fact that you stayed in an abusive relationship for so long is something worth looking at very closely. Sounds like you have some self-worth issues.

    This gets into psychological stuff that is way too deep and complicated to even try to get into on a public internet forum. From your profile I take it you're in a temporary place in your life. My suggestion is, when you get settled down more permanently again, look into some support groups or counseling along these lines. If you ever move back to SF, you might want to check out Pacific Center, for example. They usually have some good resources. The Discovery Community might also be of interest and I'm sure there are others I don't know about.

    In any case, don't blame yourself for other people's problems. If anything it sounds like you need to value yourself more highly and learn to establish and maintain boundaries, especially in intimate relationships.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jul 13, 2013 3:49 PM GMT
    Patience, grasshopper. Some of us are out here, pushing 40 (myself) and still haven't found a boyfriend. And we're out here surviving.. by loving ourselves.. surrounding ourselves with friends and family.. by developing our careers and interests.. by having personal growing experiences. You're 21, and you feel the world and life owe you a boyfriend--Endure.. and wisen up. Life is making you tougher, as it should be. Hang in there.. and just steer clear of the 'users'.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 13, 2013 3:51 PM GMT
    roro89 said...
    The problem is that the OP is desperate; he needs an attitude adjustment.

    Saying shit like this is just so wrong on so many levels. Simplistic and insensitive. Exactly what the OP doesn't need. icon_rolleyes.gif