need advice please help

  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Nov 07, 2008 6:11 AM GMT
    ok guys i need advice i want to take the next step with my boy friend.. i want him to fuck me but theres a prob we tryed it he started going in i tenced up an started to cry..so he stoped an held me till i was calm he asked to talk about it..when i was 15 i was gang raped by my boy friend and his mates i have never really gotten over it an the thorts still haunt me to this day..i havnt been fucked since..he said his more then happy to wait but i feel bad i mean im not puting out im a bad boy friend im worried he'd go an pay some hooker no affence to any hookers here..i mean i want him to fuck me..i want to feel his cock in me an i want to enjoy it he said it will hurt for the first few times i need help how can we make it as pain less as possable i dont want my butt rimmed the thort kinda turns my gut inside out..but is there other ways or should i just grow up an let my boy pound me..he wouldnt cos his to sweet an caring but you know what i mean..what else can i do since his not geting off that way..i havnt given head since i was gang raped an when i tryed it as soon as i tasted the pre cum i threw up icon_redface.gif i know im young but still i want to please my man i want him to love me please guys on real jock help me icon_cry.gif
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    Nov 07, 2008 1:20 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible past. Based on what you said I think you should seek professional help. If giving head makes you vomit then being penetrated should be the last thing you think of doing.

    Problem is you are associating the act of love making with the act of rape. You need to break that association. Start by being in control of the situation at all times. I'm no shrink, but this is what I would do, complete each step a week at a time to slowly break that association.

    Week 1. Start by pleasuring your self (your BF can watch), taste your own pre-cum, use a small butt plug.
    Week 2. Ask you BF to sit beside you and do the same things to himself.
    Week 3. Overtime begin to reach over and to assist one another.
    Week 4. When it comes to oral, look him in the eye as you do it.
    Week 5. When it comes to anal, him on the bottom you on top (in full control).

    The key is to focus on (and look at) your BF and pleasing yourself first and then him. Best of luck...

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    Nov 07, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    Go see a councilor. Please, please, please go see a councilor. They can help you deal with this issue by getting you to understand your thoughts and emotions regarding this event. They can give you cognitive strategies to get through it and enjoy the plowing you so richly deserve. icon_biggrin.gif

    If he doesn't rim you then you are going to need some other way to get you ready. If it doesn't involve a tongue then you are going to need plenty of lube, patience, fingers, and toys. Life is not like porn in that you can't just pull down your pants and take a cock at a moments notice.
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Nov 07, 2008 9:54 PM GMT
    seen a councilor she was a dumb useless bitch but thanks for the advice..so is there a legal drug i can get in australia to relax my arse my partner is gental an that i trust him but it hurts sooooo much....icon_cry.gif am i jst being a sook should i just let him pound me a few times so my arse gets used 2 being fucked?

    thanks kyle
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    Nov 07, 2008 10:37 PM GMT
    see a different councilor. That should be your top priority.

    Getting your ass used to fucking is not something you should be taking medication for (can you imagine the unwanted side effects?) I said it above and I will say it again, lots of lube, patients, fingers, and toys. Having him painfully fuck you a couple times isn't going to loosen you up, that is going to cause damage to your muscles.

    The only solution is diligent effort. If you don't have a couple small toys order some today and drill baby drill.
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Nov 08, 2008 12:06 AM GMT
    councilor's on my area are rare ya take wat ya given lol...ok im just worried he will get board an fuck some hooker or some thing..he said he wont an his happy to wait an that he under stands but i still worry..thank you guys for advice shale put them in pratice icon_biggrin.gif wow its embarrasin i had 2 ask lol im glad im in australia an most of u are over seas lol icon_redface.gif
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:04 AM GMT
    well, just always use a condom and if he does go to a hooker you can cut off his balls when he does and not worry about STI's.
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    Nov 08, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    Kyle, there are a few things that strike me. First, it is critical that you are in fact receptive to being fucked. It appears you are. You seem to want to enjoy it. So that is half the battle. If you don't want it. It will never work out.

    Second, Alec has provided some very sound advice. Pay attention to it.

    Third, you obviously have some trust issues, which isn't surprising since you had a previous boyfriend gangrape you with his friends. I'm willing to bet that right now you are telling yourself, "You don't know what you are talking about. I trust him." Here's my answer. If you truly trusted him you wouldn't have these considerable worries that he's going to cheat on you. Trust is trust, dude. If you don't trust him not to cheat on you, than I'm not sure you truly trust him enough for anal sex, especially with your background. I'm not blaming you!!! It isn't your fault! but it is something you are going to have to work through with him. First off, talk to him and let him know all your feelings in the matter, including your insecurities that he's going to cheat on you. Communication and mutual expression of feeling is how we develop trust. It will take time.

    Personally, I don't know how you were raped (and frankly, I don't want to know, but it looks like it was both oral and anal. BTW, from your pics, you look absolutely adorable. Raping you, would be like beating a puppy. Just plain wrong! Not that rape is ever right, mind you, but I think you get the point.). I suggest you start off with oral sex, and make sure you are in control. He shouldn't be putting his hands on your head at all, at first. You said you had a problem with precum. Then focus on the shaft and balls and tentatively move to the head of his penis. You don't have to be an expert at BJ's over night. Take your time. Have him talk to you about how pleasurable it is for him. Hopefully, you will begin to associate the act with him rather than with that previous asshole boy friend. I'm no psychiatrist so I don't know any fancy mental tricks here. But I think that might work.

    As for anal sex, I suggest letting him use a dildo, but plug or what ever on you first. Perhaps, you should do it to yourself first even. Start with something small and work your way up over time. When you are comfortable, let him use it on you. That way, you get the feeling of him penetrating you, without actually fucking you. It is penetration without the physical domination. Over time, and with enough lube and fingering, you should desensitize yourself to it, so you don't associate the feeling back to the rape. When you try bottoming again try to make sure that you don't use any of the positions used when you were raped. You on top is good in that allows you control. But make sure you look into his eyes so it becomes about him.

    It will all take time. I suggest that you do NOT just let him pound you. You won't enjoy it and you will only make the situation worse in that you will only reinforce the associations of helplessness and pain with bottoming. Yes it will hurt some, no doubt, but it should be managable. Lastly, try to take a bath ahead of time, that can help loosen things up a bit too.
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Nov 08, 2008 11:10 PM GMT
    ok cool thanks will take all the info on board

    love from kyle