I Love You

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    Sep 11, 2007 9:27 PM GMT
    For some reason, maybe it’s culture and family, I say “I love you” to everyone who is close to me. Like when I say goodbye or when I feel it strongly. Few say it back to me, my brothers do. But I know they love me.

    One of my ex bf’s is one of my best friends, and I love him dearly, every time we hang out, every time I say goodbye to him, or just when he comes to mind, I tell him. About once every 2 or 3 months he says it back. This is not a problem, it’s just him and he being true to himself.

    Some people, I know, feel that one should say it only at the most important times, those moments where feeling and knowledge are so close they’re the same thing, the only distance is the second split that it takes to get to your mouth. I guess it’s possible from this view to think that it is possible to say it too much and water it down. Perhaps. But not for me at least. Love is not so small. Each time I say it, I mean it.

    But I understand the point. Of course there may be few phrases that seem to explicitly and actually say I love you. Spanish has more for various intensities. But in context there are limitless ways to say it.

    How often do you tell those around you that you love them, I mean in words?

    And

    How often do you tell them in context? And how?
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:05 PM GMT
    can't recall the last time I verbalized those words to anyone.
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:12 PM GMT
    I say it to my children every day they are with me...because not only do I love them more than life itself, but i know it gives them a strong sense of security that children need to develop emotionally...if you love someone...TELL THEM!!!
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:14 PM GMT
    I love you mascjock atl (just followin' your advice) :)
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 11, 2007 10:17 PM GMT
    Shame on you Nick :)

    MadApollo, You can never say it to often.

    I have to confess, I rarely say it, accept to my love Alexis. I say it to him a few times a day.

    Mike
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 11, 2007 10:19 PM GMT
    Nick,

    The shame on you was to do with your first post :)
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:24 PM GMT
    Hiya Mike - been a while. I know, I shouldn't joke about a serious topic. My family is a loving family, but we don't articulate things like that in so many words, which in a way, I think (at least for me) means more. You gotta know how to interpret the little things that communicate that thought.
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:30 PM GMT
    I say it often to friends and family. I say it to my partner everyday. It never feels old or watered down to me because when I say it, I really mean it.

    I think it really depends upon how comfortable people are with expressing their feelings for each other.

    I learned to be comfortable with saying I love you from my mom. She always verbalizes it and is also very physical when expressing her love. She loves to hug us and hold onto us whenever we're close to her.

    My father was not comfortable verbally expressing his feelings for us. He always showed his love by being a great provider and showed interest and gave us support in what we were doing with our lives.

    I never doubted my father's love for my siblings and myself. We all just understood that he and my mom showed their love in different ways.

    I like to think that I learned to be comfortable with verbally expressing my love for others from mom and also learning to express my love in other ways from my dad.

    To express my love in context, I like to do little things, like spending one on one time with people, doing things with them that they enjoy and shooting them an email saying I'm thinking of them.

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 11, 2007 10:53 PM GMT
    I understand what you are saying Nick.

    I like to blame my father for the fact that I don't tell my family, I love them. I don't believe I have ever heard my father say I LOVE YOU. I know he does, just he never says it. And I guess that is why I don't say it.

    Although I tell my nieces and nephew and my man I love them. Why is that I wonder? Why can I tell them and I can not tell my parents, or my brother, or my sisters?

    I remember telling my father I loved him once when he got upset because I was gay and he never replied to me.

    Sorry, there I go again with my life story.

    Mike
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    Sep 11, 2007 10:55 PM GMT
    I think it can be said too often, but in most situations the frequency with which you say it depends entirely on your own comfort level with it. If you really do mean what you're saying, then by all means go ahead and say it. The context that you use it under and the frequency with which you use it is entirely a personal decision, so I don't think there's a magic number at which you've said 'I love you' too many times.

    I, however, am very sparing with those words. I'm not one for saying things that I don't mean. I don't tell people that it's good to see them if it isn't, in fact, good to see them, regardless of what they say to me. So whenever someone says 'I love you' to me, especially for the first time (whether it be a friend or anyone else), I have to think about the subject before I say it back to decide if I do, in fact, love the other person. And, quite frankly, there are a lot of people that I don't return the phrase to, because even though I might like them I don't actually love them.

    When I do decide that I love a person, however, I never hesitate to use the phrase. If I do love someone, I want them to know it and so I will tell them often.
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    Sep 11, 2007 11:01 PM GMT
    thanks Nick!!! LOL
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    Sep 11, 2007 11:07 PM GMT
    I do find it easier to be physical w/ the kids than w/ adults. Oh and animals. I can get all gushy w/ them, but not so much w/ grown ups.
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    Sep 11, 2007 11:08 PM GMT
    you're welcome mascjockatl. :)
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Sep 12, 2007 12:12 AM GMT
    I say it to my best friend and a few other friends I've known for years. But sometimes people say it when they couldn't possibly mean anything more than, "I feel close to you at the moment." Then I no longer take the word seriously from that person's lips. I even feel aggravated that they're trivializing the sentiment.
  • b00duhb0i

    Posts: 2

    Sep 12, 2007 1:09 AM GMT
    As I am getting older, I am learning that it is almost "taboo" to say "I love you" in seemingly so many cases, and so I am learning to refrain from saying it, almost out of fear of its potential "consequences".
    As a child, adolescent, and into adulthood, whenever I seemed to say "I love you" to someone, I either got a strange look, no response...or if it were to a guy, sometime I never heard from him again. It seriously feels like we are just not supposed to say it at all.
    I think culturally we are led to believe that to say "I love you", particularly amongst men, is a sign of softness, of femininity. In our culture, it is taboo for a "man" to be associated with "femininity".
    There seems to be some deep-rooted aversion to its blatant expression...perhaps embarrassment, foolishness..."cheeziness". For many guys, I notice red flags going up when they hear those three words said to them, both gay and straight.
    I don't know...just my own thoughts on the issue.
    http://www.realjock.com/reply/33222/
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Sep 12, 2007 1:41 AM GMT
    Those of you that are Jewish or Hebrew please correct me, but I believe that "In the Beginning..." so to speak, lol.... There are actually six or so different variations (or contexts)of which the English language has lumped all into one word, "LOVE". MadApollo spoke of the Spanish language and the different usages of the word. Now considering how complex the English language actually is.... can someone explain why they're all lumped into one. Sorry if I'm taking away from the original thread, but I also say, "I love you" to family and friends all the time.

    LANCE
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    Sep 12, 2007 1:53 AM GMT
    I've had some close friends and family die in car wrecks or accidents, and what did I regret the most? - Not telling them I loved them, and cared about them. So, I have made it a practice to make sure my loved ones KNOW, I love them. I don't overuse it; I use it practically and with honesty. My straight friends and I always tell the other we love them when we end a conversation, or part after a visit.

    I haven't told any of my gay friends that I love them before, I suppose because it's hard to be that close of friends with gay men...? (hard, not impossible)
  • Squarejaw

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    Sep 12, 2007 2:14 AM GMT
    I suspect gay men have closer friendships than straight men (outside of war zones and high school sports, at least).
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    Sep 12, 2007 2:23 AM GMT
    Re: "Of course there may be few phrases that seem to explicitly and actually say I love you. Spanish has more for various intensities. But in context there are limitless ways to say it."


    Hmm....


    1) I love you
    2) I like you a lot
    3) I like you
    4) I'm rather fond of you
    5) I find that I can tolerate your presence
    6) You could be worse
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    Sep 12, 2007 6:14 AM GMT
    I say it to my parents a lot. I'm afraid of one day, I might not say it, and one of them will pass. I would not be happy with myself.
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    Sep 12, 2007 6:15 AM GMT
    I also tell my very close friends, no matter if they are gay or straight and they totally understand.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 12, 2007 10:56 AM GMT
    Some people say it very easily...while others like myself have a hard time
    I think it's the way you're brought up
    In my family it was never said
    Now in the past I have said it...but it was only when I really meant it
    I dunno... people who say it all the time I don't think really do
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    Sep 12, 2007 11:27 AM GMT
    My family never said it growing up, and still doesn't. We are not very close though, but that's another topis altogether.

    I tell my closest friends I love them often since they are more like family to me.
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    Sep 12, 2007 12:44 PM GMT
    My relationships with certain friends, straight friends, is stronger than I've ever had with a fellow homosexual. I love two of them in the sense of fraternal love. They supported me through coming out; often our freindship was such that nothing needed to be said because the meaning was manifest even in silence. We are a close group... I am reminded of the scene in Brian Friel's play Translations where Hugh compares the memory of he and his friends going off to war to the Iliad.

    The greek words for love are multifold, but it is interesting to speculate why we have lost the separation of these notions in english. Perhaps the separation is not so clear cut after all?

    In any case...

    "One Man in a Thousand will stick more close than a brother,
    But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
    To the gallows-foot—and after!"
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    Sep 12, 2007 2:07 PM GMT
    I have a friend who says that to me, and it always makes me uncomfortable because I can't and won't reciprocate. For me, "I love you" is reserved for those who are closest to me.