So...this guy who is 30lbs overweight likes you...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2008 8:28 AM GMT
    ...but you like him back! He's handsome, he has an awesome personality, and you know he has so much potential to be extremely fuckable. What do you do?

    Although he has so much potential, how do you go about reaching the goal? Do you still begin dating him despite the extra pounds or do you urge him to lose weight before getting closer to him?

    (P.S. This is rhetorical and aimed at everyone, including myself)
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    Nov 08, 2008 9:09 AM GMT
    you just said u like him back and he has potential....I don't get what the problem is
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    Nov 08, 2008 9:16 AM GMT
    charlitos saidyou just said u like him back and he has potential....I don't get what the problem is


    Edited for lucidity.
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    Nov 08, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    um, you seem to already have issues with his weight. skip him and give him my phone number...
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Nov 08, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    Hey Citizen, first off you have to put yourself in his place. Ultimately the ball is your court on how this will play out, don't get the guy swept up in the notion he has chance with you, and then you decide you can't deal with his weight. Sometimes good men don't come in the most desirable packaging. Say your guy does lose weight but gains it back? Are you ready to deal with that? I'm sure you know people yo yo up and down before the weight loss becomes permenant sometimes. Your going to have to ask yourself is his potential as a mate, more important then how he looks to you physically?
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    Nov 08, 2008 2:36 PM GMT
    Here is a good rule of thumb:

    Never date someone you don't like as they are now!

    Everyone has 'potential.' The issue is that it is their right to determine the direction of their life, not your's. I have the potential to be a neurosurgeon. It's not likely that that will happen, though. If someone dates me with the expectation that I'm going to become what they want then the relationship is doomed from the start.
    If I met someone who was 30 lbs overweight and they were 60 lbs overweight 9 months ago, and still actively working on it, then the 'potential' is something that is likely to happen. It isn't something that I was hoping to change.
    I've already dated men who 'had potential', but I found that if I was dating someone who was going to be employed, or going to quite smoking, going to tell his ex that he was in fact now an ex, going to be honest, then my disappointment was my own fault, not his.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 08, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    Depends on how much the 30lbs is an issue

    You've made a good case otherwise
    but if that's a dealbreaker there's no way you're gonna get around it
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    Nov 08, 2008 2:44 PM GMT
    CitizenSol said...but you like him back! He's handsome, he has an awesome personality, and you know he has so much potential to be extremely fuckable. What do you do?

    Although he has so much potential, how do you go about reaching the goal? Do you still begin dating him despite the extra pounds or do you urge him to lose weight before getting closer to him?


    If I'd like him back, the decision has already been made my hormonal.pheromonal/psychological forces beyond my conscious control.
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    Nov 08, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    I've dated a few bigger guys. Wasn't an issue. If I think they're hot....
    they're hot ! Sometimes they get inspired to workout and such because
    of me. That's cool. But the bottom line is you gotta be true to yourself.
    If it's not your thing ? Don't do it for me. Do it for YOU !
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    Nov 08, 2008 3:18 PM GMT
    Maybe you could try to inspire him with your own perfection.
  • shoelessj

    Posts: 511

    Nov 08, 2008 3:27 PM GMT
    what about a workout date? does he not have the opportunity to work out or does he not have the right information when it comes to eating right? Maybe let him know that working out and being in good health is important to you and you dig him and you'd like him to share this activity etc. with you.

    just an idea.
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    Nov 08, 2008 3:47 PM GMT
    Uh...so he's not fuckable now?

    You sound like a guy who is putting conditions on the relationship before it has even started. You cannot change this guy. Maybe he wants to change. Maybe he doesn't. You cannot be the focus of his change though.

    If your dating him is conditional on his weight, and you cannot like him the way he is now, your relationship is less likely to succeed. What is your motivation for dating him at all?
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    Nov 08, 2008 3:57 PM GMT

    He's fuckable now, he's just not see in publicable....with you anyway. How shallow.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Nov 08, 2008 4:41 PM GMT
    McGay saidMaybe you could try to inspire him with your own perfection.


    I love you. Feel free to mushroom-slap me anytime icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 08, 2008 4:43 PM GMT
    Obviously, you don't like this guy enough to see past his physical appreance which is perfectly fine and understandable as long as you don't mislead someone. It seems like a deal breaker for you. Therefore, it seems to me that you should let it go. Sure, he has "potential." But, I don't think anyone should enter a relationship with someone who they already have a bias against. It may get better or worse, the latter being the most probable.

    But, just maybe, he likes you enough to make some changes and be okay with the fact that his personalilty was a point of contention for you to invest in him. Again, this is fine becasue physical attraction is important in a relationship to many people (including myself). Yet, it is not important to many others, and they may not want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks otherwis3, especially if it influences how that person feels about them.
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    Nov 08, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    what I think is, if you can't be satisfied w/him as he is now, then you should move on and let him build a life w/someone that desires him even as he is now.
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
    The guy you like, or date or fuck should never be taken on as your newest "personal improvement project." Like them the way they are now and grow along with them as the two of you mature in your relationship. Being with someone because they seem to be a "diamond in the rough" to you is a poor excuse and reason to be with them....I think you need to look at how do you know that he is overweight by 30 lbs and why you believe he is any less deserving of YOUR friendship and imperfections......icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    As someone who's just dropped a bunch of weight recently, I hope you give him a chance. He's the same guy now as he would be if he dropped the 30 lbs., but then would also have more confidence, etc.

    Slightly overweight guys need love too!
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    Is there something wrong with just being friends and getting to know someone before sizing (no pun intended) him up for boyfriend material? icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:24 PM GMT
    In general, I think the best rule is to maintain a relationship with someone that you'd like as they are (i.e., if you don't like them being fatsos, then, you shouldn't be with them to begin with). Chances are (clear thinking indicates this) they won't change their behavior / disorder until THEY are ready to, and it strains the relationship for one party to exert pressure. Fat folks usually know they're fat, and either are to ignorant, to lazy, to illiterate, or plain ass don't care about their medical condition. They may, or may not, change, upon your request. Best to cut your losses, and move on.
  • ilprincipe

    Posts: 40

    Nov 08, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    why all this serious stuff? just go to bed with him! if the sex is great, then you can decide how much more you want to share with him...

    if it's not, end of story...
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:30 PM GMT
    Uhhhhhhhh. You describe yourself as stocky, with a 36-inch waist, in your profile. I don't get it.
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:35 PM GMT
    Try not to discount a guy who is 30 lbs overweight. I was such a guy and overcame that by hitting the gym a lot more. If he has the drive to make a change in his appearance, be there for him as support. I done a total transformation from an average cute guy to how I am now.

    As for the guys that dogged me before my transformation, now I don't give them my time. What comes around goes around. My way of saying FU.
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:38 PM GMT
    Everyones weight will fluctuate throughout life. There's a good chance guys full of muscle will eventually lose that muscle. Perhaps to fat perhaps just skinny and saggy. Other men who are over weight may be inspired to lose the weight on their own schedule. For some good looks will become a victim to time.

    A great personality who is also sincere and fun to be around. Those are the qualities that you should keep and will hopefully with stand the test of time.
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    Nov 08, 2008 5:41 PM GMT
    I think you should let him pick you apart and expose all of your insecurities on an online forum.