Are Relationships Easy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:31 PM GMT
    i'm wondering this as i feel it is taking a lot of effort to maintain the connection my bf and i have.

    we had an argument a while back over him saying that i needed to "grow up" about my feelings when i told him something bothered me. it got uncomfortable afterwards. we mended but the magic from before had sort of left...

    the other day, i received some news that shocked me and left me with my feathers a but ruffled. he's checked up on me and said he understands i need space but i'm not sure if it's space he's giving me or if he's growing distant when i may need him during a turbulent phase.

    i'm wondering with all this uncertainty in the air, should a relationship feel easy? should it be smooth sailing or does it take effort day in and day out? after our arguments, i feel so drained sometimes that i've stopped to wonder what we were doing.. if it's even something we want or if we're beating a dead horse with a stick..? anyone out there in a ltr with valuable advice / suggestions / input?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 17, 2013 9:32 PM GMT
    When he told you to grow up, were you wearing a mouse mask?
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    It's not easy. It does take effort day in and day out. But you shouldn't be having daily fights, either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidWhen he told you to grow up, were you wearing a mouse mask?


    0_0.... Uhhhh HeHeheeeeee XD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    It can be very easy depending upon how much effort you put into it. Sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it? It isn't.
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    You look like your about to try and rob a convenient store lol
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 17, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    They are pretty easy until you realize you are two different people
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    Jul 17, 2013 9:58 PM GMT
    showme saidIt's not easy. It does take effort day in and day out. But you shouldn't be having daily fights, either.


    i wouldn't say we fight daily. there is a big age difference and we have our differences and finding middle ground and a balance between our lifestyles seems to be what comes up the most..

    he's been living a little bit of a rockstar lifestyle and ironically, i'm the one that seems to be more mature and the one who carries the relationship forward.

    i talked to a friend of mine about it.

    i don't know... especially now. he's been very distant since i told him what was up and this is the last person that i would expect to be distant given the fact that i've been there and overlooked a lot of what he thinks are shortcoming because i feel that what we have (or had, at this moment) is worth it.

    we just shared a few texts.. i initiated. i feel... alienated.


    >how are you?

    > Meetings went well.

    > cool. glad to hear it. how's your day?

    > It went very well. And yours?

    > productive, i guess. facing this situation head in and confronting old issues along the way.

    > That's great. That's all you can do. God will take care of the rest.

    >how are we?
    is there a we?

    >We are fine.

    >i know i have shit to take care of and business to attend but if we're still fine and depending on how you see this situation and what it means for us, i'd still like it if we talked.

    >Sure.
    Just not today..I'm talked out ;)

    >have a great rest of your day.



    i understand he's not a mind reader.
    i expressed to him that i'd still like him to be there and it feels as if he shut me out, completely.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 17, 2013 10:14 PM GMT
    hmm ... not knowing your relationship, what he and you are like, etc, I wouldn't even want to try to guess what is going on between you with that little tidbit of IMing. I guess you find out when you talk it over with each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    No relationships are not easy.My fiancée and I will be together 3 years in Sept and engaged 1 year in Oct.It takes patience and compromise.But we love each other and that so far has been enough!icon_smile.gif
  • Diplo

    Posts: 41

    Jul 18, 2013 5:25 AM GMT
    Ive been with my boyfriend for just over two years.. there were times when I didnt trust him, or I couldnt stand to be around him. Its been rough, but we've fought through all of it because we genuinely care for eachother.

    This past year we've both gone through big changes with work, school, and relocating. Its only made my love for him stronger.

    So no i would say theyre not easy at all
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jul 18, 2013 5:33 AM GMT
    After 30 + years of marriage, you'd think it might be easy to maintain a healthy relationship...

    But no, right now it's 1:30 in the morning, and my dad is out having a liaison with his other woman while my mom sleeps.. who by the way has her own other man.

    But I suppose that's a relationship?

    Haha I just think it's funny that they think it's some sort of secret. I'm not that naive parental units... -.-
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jul 18, 2013 5:38 AM GMT
    Are relationships easy?

    Sure.

    And the Pope is a Baptist.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 18, 2013 6:46 AM GMT
    Are relationships easy ?
    Some are.
    Some are not.
    I've had numerous boyfriends/relationships.
    I don't know what men want.

    Your relationship sounds as if it is over.
    Don't you deserve better ?

  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 18, 2013 7:11 AM GMT
    meninlove has it right as usual. Relationships take work... mostly in the communication department. That means learning to know what you are feeling and then being able to express that and it also means being open to hearing your partner's feelings as well.

    Personally, I think that if two men love one another they need to fight for that love. That said, I was also in a relationship where, although we both loved one another, we were exactly WRONG for one another. That is, just by being ourselves, we were constantly opening up old psychological wounds. That didn't become apparent until we'd been together for three years, either. Ultimately it ripped us both apart. It's a decade in the past and I still can't wrap my head around how two people can love one another so passionately and still be so wrong for each other.
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    Jul 18, 2013 7:16 AM GMT
    yes



    theee eeenndd
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    showme saidIt's not easy. It does take effort day in and day out. But you shouldn't be having daily fights, either.


    You know as I look back on my 20+ year relationship, so much of it seems to of just happend, with little fuss or effort; in many ways we have been blessed. It was even strong enough for me to have two husbands for 11 years. But that was to end with death do us part.

    We have had beautiful vistas, and time deep dips, were a little work has been involved. But we are real and communicate, and in many ways are two very different men, yet we have a common bond, and at the same time have some form of independance too, even though we are one. But we don't have to work at it every day.

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    Jul 18, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    Matiz saidyes

    theee eeenndd


    +1 yes, healthy relationships are easy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 2:27 PM GMT
    It's a toughie. It depends whether you find it easy to compromise, communicate and have patience or not.

    My hubby and I are at 8yrs. We've had blips. But for the most part, it's been plain sailing and terribly rewarding.
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    Jul 18, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    MikeW saidmeninlove has it right as usual.


    He/They're my newest spiritual guides through life...
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    Jul 18, 2013 2:33 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidAfter 30 + years of marriage, you'd think it might be easy to maintain a healthy relationship...

    But no, right now it's 1:30 in the morning, and my dad is out having a liaison with his other woman while my mom sleeps.. who by the way has her own other man.

    But I suppose that's a relationship?

    Haha I just think it's funny that they think it's some sort of secret. I'm not that naive parental units... -.-


    Oh lawd. On a personal level, I'm sorry.

    But please consider posting this in every thread where the little whiners insist that it's only the gays who stray from monogamy. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 18, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    Loving the freaky mask!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jul 18, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle saidi'm wondering this as i feel it is taking a lot of effort to maintain the connection my bf and i have.

    we had an argument a while back over him saying that i needed to "grow up" about my feelings when i told him something bothered me. it got uncomfortable afterwards. we mended but the magic from before had sort of left...

    the other day, i received some news that shocked me and left me with my feathers a but ruffled. he's checked up on me and said he understands i need space but i'm not sure if it's space he's giving me or if he's growing distant when i may need him during a turbulent phase.

    i'm wondering with all this uncertainty in the air, should a relationship feel easy? should it be smooth sailing or does it take effort day in and day out? after our arguments, i feel so drained sometimes that i've stopped to wonder what we were doing.. if it's even something we want or if we're beating a dead horse with a stick..? anyone out there in a ltr with valuable advice / suggestions / input?



    Relationships are never easy, they all take work, but when the WORK outweighs the PLEASURE it's time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 3:30 PM GMT
    I'm having a hard time taking this post seriously from a guy with no face pics and only a pic with a silly mouse mask. Work on you, then your relationship.

    There are so many forum postings on relationships, just search for them. The answers are out there. It sounds like your bf knows more answers than you do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
    It's easy if you know the rules of your particular "relationship game".

    Discovering the rules together is the challenging part, since you not only have to learn his rules but your own. And sometimes, it's possible that neither of you are aware of your own rules. But that's the adventure and what makes a relationship interesting and seldom boring.