Admitting you're not masculine?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 18, 2013 1:29 AM GMT
    Well, I know I'm not the definition of masculine and when it comes to online dating sites, I state in my profile that I'm not as such. I just feel that since the whole masc vs fem thing is rampant in the community, it's probably better to be upfront about it. My response rate has been very low due o it but I feel it's better to be honest.

    But I have to wonder, is doing this limiting your chances...?
    It'd be interesting to hear some thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 5:00 AM GMT
    Being honest only limits your chances of finding the wrong guy.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 18, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    Broseph said
    shortbutsweet saidBeing honest only limits your chances of finding the wrong guy.


    /thread

    I think it's a good thing. Some guys like more fem guys, some don't. The purpose of an accurate profile is to attract people who like the type of guy you think you are. Just be prepared to be surprised by who attracts you. Half the fun in dating is being surprised!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 4:45 PM GMT
    Face it guys! We all love cock... none of us is uber- masculine. We're all a touch fem deep down!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 18, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidBeing honest only limits your chances of finding the wrong guy.
    i agree with him. when you lie about who you are than you usually get called out on it and sometimes its not done in private. so keep being yourself buddy. there are people out there who do not care whether you are masculine or fem
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 5:35 PM GMT
    I don't really care to think about how masculine or feminine I am. I'm just me. I'm a complex person, with good and bad qualities.
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    Jul 18, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    Can I still claim to be masculine if I occasionally refer to myself as a lady or my cat's Mom instead of Dad?
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    Jul 18, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidBeing honest only limits your chances of finding the wrong guy.

    x100
  • Stregone

    Posts: 137

    Jul 18, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    OMG this is a gay site?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 18, 2013 6:40 PM GMT
    It's a double edged sword. A lot of guys will think of their own stereotype of what fem is, and dismiss you. But you're not a stereotype. You're not a flamer. I've never once seen you get rude, or act like a victim. You're braver and stronger than all the guys with headless torsos who are closeted at their jobs, who mislead and deceive. You're burdening yourself with societies prejudices. That said, I think that takes a lot of courage. And I'll join you! Lol, I'm fem. Nobody mistakes ME for straight.icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2013 6:53 PM GMT
    Be who you are, and someone will like you for you.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Jul 18, 2013 10:27 PM GMT
    I probably wouldn't address an issue like that either way, and to be honest, as people's self-perception is almost always incredibly biased in some manner, I generally would read someone's profile accepting that it is a complete misrepresentation of the person anyhow.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jul 19, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    Interesting.
    I'll agree with Joe, when people see me, it's no surprise that I'm gay and they can figure it out just by looking at me and I'm not going to feel bad for it. That's why I make it clear ahead of time so the guys aren't surprised. That's how I think anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    Don't worry you're not alone and I guess I'd think similarly too.
    I am FAR from masculine and am probably one of those guys where people can tell too.
    I've been told a number of times that people can easily tell when they start talking to me because of the vocabulary I use.

    I guess out of a fortunate coincidence, whenever I am out I have this natural tendency to look at the ground so I don't really notice that people notice.
    I am a big daydreamer sometimes so that helps keep me distracted too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    Express yourself don't repress yourself.

    Unless yourself sucks. trolololololol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 4:09 AM GMT
    If you think being "openly" effeminate lowers your dating pool, move to Britain. All those guys seem gay...even the straight ones. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    ^Like your self, for example. You should express it less.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 4:53 AM GMT
    all guys have some level of femininity in them
    we cant hide all of it all the time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 5:04 AM GMT
    Just understand that your orientation is not a choice. Your personality and behavior are. What makes you you is a combination of what you can't control plus the choices you make when you can control the situation.. Knowing this should empower you to be proud of yourself and motivate you to be the person YOU want to be... Not the person others want you to be. Keep your head up.
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    Jul 19, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    Sharpton said
    paulflexes saidIf you think being "openly" effeminate lowers your dating pool, move to Britain. All those guys seem gay...even the straight ones. icon_lol.gif


    That's not funny though.
    It is if you know the original quote it's based on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 12:21 PM GMT
    kt8320 saidFace it guys! We all love cock... none of us is uber- masculine. We're all a touch fem deep down!


    Masculinity is not defined by your desire for genitalia. Lesbians can be very masculine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 12:32 PM GMT
    OP. You want to be with someone who can appreciate the things you like, someone you can be yourself around. I broke up with a guy once because he was always annoyed every time I was drinking orange juice while eating like wtf, people have the stupidest turn offs sometimes, bitch needs to go!
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    Jul 19, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    Nirvana_Fan1991 saidWell, I know I'm not the definition of masculine and when it comes to online dating sites, I state in my profile that I'm not as such. I just feel that since the whole masc vs fem thing is rampant in the community, it's probably better to be upfront about it. My response rate has been very low due o it but I feel it's better to be honest.

    But I have to wonder, is doing this limiting your chances...?
    It'd be interesting to hear some thoughts.


    Baby so many of these men are full of shit. Absolute utter shit. They say they won't ever touch a fem guy but so often you see these bitch made men with guys who are feminine. Not always flamers but they ain't passing for no John Wayne types. Everyone likes to save face. Do you.

    I'm feminine and I don't give a shit.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jul 19, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    Sharpton said
    Destinharbor said
    Broseph said
    shortbutsweet saidBeing honest only limits your chances of finding the wrong guy.


    /thread

    I think it's a good thing. Some guys like more fem guys, some don't. The purpose of an accurate profile is to attract people who like the type of guy you think you are. Just be prepared to be surprised by who attracts you. Half the fun in dating is being surprised!


    Is it a good surprise?

    I wasn't looking for an Asian half my age when I found Alex. We've been happy for six years. You never know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    Being honest is a "Win/Win" situation. Several years ago, I talked to this guy online for months. The subject of our mannerisms never came up during this time. We met for drinks and got along great, but he eventually said "I really like you but no offense, you're kind of like hanging out with one of my straight friends." He assumed because I was gay that I was going to be a little feminine and this disappointed him. But he wasn't the only one doing the assuming. I assumed because he was into sports and cars that he would be masculine. I was wrong about him too.

    And for those who say it's not important, why do you state your height, weight, skin/hair color and fitness level in your profile? All of these things factor into preference and being upfront about them just helps weed out the guys that aren't going to be into you anyway.

    To the OP: Yes, I can tell you're feminine but that's no better or worse than being masculine. It's just who you are and I applaud you in not trying to hide it or deceive people like so many guys do. The important thing is that you don't seem to be one of those fem guys that are all bitchy and acid tongued in response to the way you're treated in society. Many guys are attracted to fem guys and as long as you remain a likable person, you'll meet the right person if you stay honest. Always always be yourself.