Dating over 40

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    I'm finding that it's very random. Guys in their 20s who feel they're more mature than their peers want to date someone older, because they feel they relate better. While that can be true, those relationships seem to have a limited shelf life. Guys in their 30s don't seem all that interested in dating guys in their 40s.

    To those of you over 40 who are married or partnered, how did you meet?

    To those of you in your 40s who are single or dating, what's your experience dating like these days?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 21, 2013 6:44 PM GMT
    Over 40 and single here .... remind me again .... what's a date? icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 21, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    Partnered for 3 years. Both joined this site in '07 when we were with others. Started noticing each other in Forums once in awhile, and agreeing with a comment here and there. One of us sent a note to the other agreeing with a topic. A few e-mails ensued. Then, a phone call, which went so well it became an everyday thing. Finally after a year or more, we wanted to meet. We lived on opposite coasts and he flew my direction. We met face to face for the first time at an airport - and spent several days (and nights) together. It clicked. So we did that again and again. Finally it was going so well that we decided (in 2010) to move in together. He moved west instead of me moving east. Here we are. The thunderbolt hit us, I guess you could say.

    Before that, I'd had a number of good relationships, some lasting a long time, some just a year or so. I usually met them through friends; or in business circles; or alumni association gatherings; Rotary Club meetings; my Episcopal church; the gym; the pools; our running at lunch; even at a Starbucks patio once. Just be approachable, look good, stay in shape, make good eye contact, have a good attitude. Each of my b.f.'s have been about my own age - up to about 11 years younger. No real reason.....except that many guys my age haven't taken care of themselves all that well.
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    Jul 22, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    AMoonHawk saidOver 40 and single here .... remind me again .... what's a date? icon_confused.gif

    What he said.


    What they said. I am not looking for a relationship at the moment, too much crap been going on this year. No work for a few months and the rather impossible task of finding a new home in Perth during a housing shortage and economic boom, has meant I'm just not datable.
    I also realised many years ago that I dont need another person to complete me, this has meant I'm much free-er to just enjoy my life and friends and family.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 22, 2013 12:22 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidOver 40 and single here .... remind me again .... what's a date? icon_confused.gif




    Psssst...could you clue me in too when you find out what this thing called a "date" is icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 22, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    I've reduced my criteria for "dateable" to anyone who doesn't make me sick and I'm still going nowhere.
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    Jul 22, 2013 1:05 AM GMT
    onejock saidI'm finding that it's very random. Guys in their 20s who feel they're more mature than their peers want to date someone older, because they feel they relate better. While that can be true, those relationships seem to have a limited shelf life. Guys in their 30s don't seem all that interested in dating guys in their 40s.

    To those of you over 40 who are married or partnered, how did you meet?

    To those of you in your 40s who are single or dating, what's your experience dating like these days?


    My theory of sex and gay aging:

    When younger you play with everyone because you're exploring yourself and it's fun.

    By late 20s/30s and into your 40s, you've settled into "what you like" and you don't play much outside that range.

    Then come the 50s, looking towards your 60s-80s. Here's where gay gets tricky. Too much older than the 20s yet still sort of close to the mid 30s-40s but they're not interested in the 50s, out of their range. So all you've got are the 40s who are not still in denial, the 50s who are sadly chasing after the 20s or the 60s on up who you never fantasized before but who you'll be in another 10-20 years.

    This is when you wish to God that your partner hadn't died and left you to this mess. You took my best years and then abandoned life you douchebag you. Mourning's medicine is bitter.

    So if you're smart, or desperate, either one works, you start experimenting again like you did in your 20s. Only before you were learning about yourself, now you get to learn even more about yourself but also I think you learn more about the other guys too.

    It's an interesting process, this expanding of horizons, and I've been putting myself to it with those who I hadn't played with in the past, specifically to widen my range as the field naturally narrows. It's either that or with every year you increase your odds of winding up alone and I don't want that. I want to love again.

    So it doesn't matter how you meet someone. I met my first 2-year guy in a gay bar and then my great love and I were introduced by our parents. Buried him 10 years later. Then it took me about 3 years to open up again. Met another widow online. We had 10 years together before I buried him too. It has taking me a little longer to get my shit together this time around, but I'm working on it.

    So it's not the meeting of people, you do that anywhere. It's opening yourself up to see people so that you can meet them.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2013 1:08 AM GMT
    I don't have any trouble with guys at any age. I've had 18 and 19 year olds who've wanted to date me and men easily old enough to be my Dad. I'm always polite, I generally try and keep it in the neighborhood and that isn't just age.... I mean guys I can relate to.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jul 22, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidOver 40 and single here .... remind me again .... what's a date? icon_confused.gif
    I heard that. I turn 52 next month.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 22, 2013 1:19 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    AMoonHawk saidOver 40 and single here .... remind me again .... what's a date? icon_confused.gif




    Psssst...could you clue me in too when you find out what this thing called a "date" is icon_wink.gif


    I'll share all as soon as I know
    Care for some fruit? icon_biggrin.gif
    i-dates-medjool.jpg
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Jul 22, 2013 1:28 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidPartnered for 3 years. Both joined this site in '07 when we were with others. Started noticing each other in Forums once in awhile, and agreeing with a comment here and there. One of us sent a note to the other agreeing with a topic. A few e-mails ensued. Then, a phone call, which went so well it became an everyday thing. Finally after a year or more, we wanted to meet. We lived on opposite coasts and he flew my direction. We met face to face for the first time at an airport - and spent several days (and nights) together. It clicked. So we did that again and again. Finally it was going so well that we decided (in 2010) to move in together. He moved west instead of me moving east. Here we are. The thunderbolt hit us, I guess you could say.

    Before that, I'd had a number of good relationships, some lasting a long time, some just a year or so. I usually met them through friends; or in business circles; or alumni association gatherings; Rotary Club meetings; my Episcopal church; the gym; the pools; our running at lunch; even at a Starbucks patio once. Just be approachable, look good, stay in shape, make good eye contact, have a good attitude. Each of my b.f.'s have been about my own age - up to about 11 years younger. No real reason.....except that many guys my age haven't taken care of themselves all that well.


    This is beautiful - thanks for sharing.

    The pool is definitely getting smaller once you hit 40; many are already taken, or have let themselves go physically or emotionally to they point where they are no longer datable, on the other hand, as you get older it becomes easier to travel and del with other issues involved in long-instance dating. I, for one, remain optimistic and have my feelers out for what may develop.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 22, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said

    I'll share all as soon as I know
    Care for some fruit? icon_biggrin.gif
    i-dates-medjool.jpg




    Mmmmmmm...thank you....first date I've had in years. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    I as 39 does that count lol.Totally random.I went to our only gay bar here (now closed) early one night and it was me and 2 drag queens.Out of the blue a hot muscular Latin guy comes in and my knees got weak.After some making out we went home together and now after 3 years I have a diamond ring on my finger.I wish everyone the luck I had that night.icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2013 4:33 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidIn my twenties, met my partner at a Microsoft GLBT movie night on a Friday. Showed up to the theater, saw him talking to another guy and thought he was taken. Somehow ended up sitting next to him in the theater watching a weird French film. Had pizzas afterward with everyone. Walked toward my car to get home and he chased after me, literally. Been together for almost twenty years.

    Cool. How long ago was this?
    Discovered "Garage Project" night but not GLBT night.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Sep 08, 2013 4:42 AM GMT
    I gave up on trying to date. Guys I like invariably turn out to be straight.
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    Sep 08, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI don't have any trouble with guys at any age. I've had 18 and 19 year olds who've wanted to date me and men easily old enough to be my Dad. I'm always polite, I generally try and keep it in the neighborhood and that isn't just age.... I mean guys I can relate to.


    Case in point: I'm 19 and would go on a date with this guy. Though being reasonable, dating a guy more than 5 years or so older than me doesn't work out too well at my age, since it'll be awkward bringing him around my friends, and it'll be awkward being around his friends since they'd all be post-college with careers and I'm still in the middle of it.
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    Sep 08, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidLately the only guys who've shown any interest in me have all been seriously young. Like 20s. Not really my style.
    Same. I don't mind the younger age. But they're all out of shape. The only sports they play are on Xbox. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2013 5:44 AM GMT
    Lord_Trollileo said
    xrichx said
    Aristoshark saidLately the only guys who've shown any interest in me have all been seriously young. Like 20s. Not really my style.
    Same. I don't mind the younger age. But they're all out of shape. The only sports they play are on Xbox. icon_neutral.gif
    Eww no.
    Not sure which part you're ewwing about. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    onejock saidI'm finding that it's very random. Guys in their 20s who feel they're more mature than their peers want to date someone older, because they feel they relate better. While that can be true, those relationships seem to have a limited shelf life. Guys in their 30s don't seem all that interested in dating guys in their 40s.

    To those of you over 40 who are married or partnered, how did you meet?

    To those of you in your 40s who are single or dating, what's your experience dating like these days?


    My theory of sex and gay aging:

    When younger you play with everyone because you're exploring yourself and it's fun.

    By late 20s/30s and into your 40s, you've settled into "what you like" and you don't play much outside that range.

    Then come the 50s, looking towards your 60s-80s. Here's where gay gets tricky. Too much older than the 20s yet still sort of close to the mid 30s-40s but they're not interested in the 50s, out of their range. So all you've got are the 40s who are not still in denial, the 50s who are sadly chasing after the 20s or the 60s on up who you never fantasized before but who you'll be in another 10-20 years.

    This is when you wish to God that your partner hadn't died and left you to this mess. You took my best years and then abandoned life you douchebag you. Mourning's medicine is bitter.

    So if you're smart, or desperate, either one works, you start experimenting again like you did in your 20s. Only before you were learning about yourself, now you get to learn even more about yourself but also I think you learn more about the other guys too.

    It's an interesting process, this expanding of horizons, and I've been putting myself to it with those who I hadn't played with in the past, specifically to widen my range as the field naturally narrows. It's either that or with every year you increase your odds of winding up alone and I don't want that. I want to love again.

    So it doesn't matter how you meet someone. I met my first 2-year guy in a gay bar and then my great love and I were introduced by our parents. Buried him 10 years later. Then it took me about 3 years to open up again. Met another widow online. We had 10 years together before I buried him too. It has taking me a little longer to get my shit together this time around, but I'm working on it.

    So it's not the meeting of people, you do that anywhere. It's opening yourself up to see people so that you can meet them.



    You really nailed it. I too lost my partner at 61, took a while to adjust to being on the block again. Did a lot of self analysis, worked with both life and Tantra coaches to expand my horizons and generally open up. Getting a date really isn't hard, finding someone you want to spend your life with is another matter.
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    Sep 08, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    I am 57 and decided to stay single , dating is too much drama for me ...lol..
    I have good mates of all ages (3 are fwb ), a family and a little 4 legged mate .
    Don't really need more than that ..lol..