when a name is a deal-breaker...

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    Jul 21, 2013 7:56 PM GMT
    currently in this situation where i met someone that im interested in, and afaik he is too...
    but here's the twist...hes got the same name as an immediate family member.

    its a weird spot to be in...because now i get this mental image every-time i talk with him. and it really turns me off. is it shallow/petty to break it off with a seemingly great guy with potential just because of a name? what would you do?
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    Jul 21, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    I can't say it would be a deal breaker, but I think it feel awkward if the guy has the same name as..
    - Me
    - Family member
    - People I dislike at work

    EDIT:
    Wow. People are taking this thread seriously. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 21, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    I don't see what the issue is. One of my hottie Latino friends has the same name as my dad and I would totally ask him out if I were single. I can separate the two names and don't think about my dad when I'm with my friend.
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    Jul 21, 2013 8:15 PM GMT
    That's what they invented nicknames, terms of endearment or acronyms for.
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    Jul 21, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    I can't imagine any name what-so-ever no matter how bad being a deal breaker. He can be named Anthrax. He can be named Crapper. I don't care.
    (ref anyone?)
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    Jul 22, 2013 1:33 AM GMT

    "is it shallow/petty to break it off with a seemingly great guy with potential just because of a name? "

    Yes.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    Agree to call him a different name, maybe his middle name. If you get along well and the only thing creeping you out is that, make it work. Don't sacrifice a good relationship because of a name!
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    Jul 22, 2013 1:52 AM GMT
    My brain categorizes incest similarly as it does animal abuse, pedophilia, and war crimes, so the name does bug me.

    It seems somewhat less shallow to me that I should avoid a psychological conflict of having sex with someone who might remind me of a close relation than it might to reject someone because they don't have perfect abs.
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    Jul 22, 2013 5:58 AM GMT
    Elaine and Joel Rifkin have a tiff:


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    Jul 22, 2013 7:12 AM GMT
    That is unfortunate, but breaking it off over a name is a bit much. Maybe try calling the dude by another name?
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    Jul 22, 2013 9:37 AM GMT
    Yeah, what's in a name?
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    Jul 22, 2013 9:48 AM GMT
    When you think of all the reason why ppl dont hit it off, this might be one of the pettiest of them all. Call him by his middle name. This family member has such a strong hold on your psych that you're willing to break things off w/ a potential good guy? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jul 22, 2013 10:08 AM GMT
    grow up
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    Jul 22, 2013 11:34 AM GMT
    ASHDOD saidgrow up

    thanks for this insightful advice, i have an equally perceptive message i would like to share with you.
    Off-is-the-general-direction.jpg

    @Hillie: i would argue that it isn't the pettiest reason, because clearly there are ppl above that agree. Sometimes its difficult to detach a name from someone so familiar. I would say my brain categorizes things like how antijock describes it.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Jul 22, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    true story ...I knew a couple both were called Michael ! and somehow just with an inflection one knew which Michael we were talking about.....in answer to your question yes in my opinion your attitude is petty and shallow ...and a little childish
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    Jul 22, 2013 12:46 PM GMT
    I thought his name was Rudolph or something. When someone's name reminds you of someone else thats totally fine. When it becomes a big deal thanks to fact that you find it hard to overwrite what this name reminds you of then buddy, you have some deep issues you need to take care of. My advice is to keep spending more time with your date until you get used to his name representing him and nobody else. So no, it is not ok that this a turn off, and you need to get over whoever he is reminding you of, like quick.
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    Jul 22, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    ataraxia saidcurrently in this situation where i met someone that im interested in, and afaik he is too...
    but here's the twist...hes got the same name as an immediate family member.

    its a weird spot to be in...because now i get this mental image every-time i talk with him. and it really turns me off. is it shallow/petty to break it off with a seemingly great guy with potential just because of a name? what would you do?

    Well naturally his name should be a non-issue. I've dated several guys who had the same first name as one of my sons. The coincidence hardly crossed my mind, wasn't like they had anything in common appearance-wise, which might indeed have been creepy.

    I also dated another Bob, my own name. Didn't phase me at all, although if we had become BFs I would have looked to distinguish us, mainly for our friends' sake. I could have changed to Rob, or used my middle name. What I'm called isn't that important to me so long as it isn't demeaning.

    We had a same-name couple next door to us a few years ago, 2 "Marks" and that was confusing at times. We usually referred to them as "Mark 'n Mark" but had to add their last names when we wanted to identify one from the other.

    Like in talking about which one we had just met outside, or spoken with, and so on. If it were us I think we'd have used a nickname for one or both of us, or a middle name, but both these guys liked their Mark first name and each continued to use it.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Jul 22, 2013 1:20 PM GMT
    This is stupid, my ex had the same name as my cousin, his twin had the same name as my father and his older brother has the same name as me.

    Mum tells me that I almost had the same name as him, time to grow up. A name is a name and in my opinion if you can't look past that and get to know the person, then there is something wrong with you.
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    Jul 22, 2013 2:08 PM GMT
    A name as a deal breaker? holy shit. I knew gays had a rep of being shallow, but this takes it to a new level.
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    Jul 22, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    There are much more important deal breakers. Grow up.
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    Jul 22, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    A lot of harsh answers here, when I think some understanding, advice & encouragement could work better. If a certain name evokes an uncomfortable mental image for the OP then that is a real problem for him that he needs to overcome.

    We all agree it SHOULDN'T be a problem, and that's what he's gotta come to believe and erase from his mind. But I don't think personal insults is the best approach to help him achieve that.
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    Jul 22, 2013 3:40 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidA lot of harsh answers here, when I think some understanding, advice & encouragement could work better. If a certain name evokes an uncomfortable mental image for the OP then that is a problem for him that he needs to overcome.

    We all agree it SHOULDN'T be a problem, and that's what he's gotta come to believe and erase from his mind. But I don't think personal insults is the best approach to help him achieve that.


    You would be wrong to presume that we all agree with your statement. I for one do not.

    Your statement is the very same as homophobes who think there is something wrong with us.

    If a whiff of pussy makes you cringe, obviously there's something wrong with you that you need to fix.
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    Jul 22, 2013 4:15 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    ART_DECO saidA lot of harsh answers here, when I think some understanding, advice & encouragement could work better. If a certain name evokes an uncomfortable mental image for the OP then that is a problem for him that he needs to overcome.

    We all agree it SHOULDN'T be a problem, and that's what he's gotta come to believe and erase from his mind. But I don't think personal insults is the best approach to help him achieve that.


    You would be wrong to presume that we all agree with your statement. I for one do not.

    Your statement is the very same as homophobes who think there is something wrong with us.

    If a whiff of pussy makes you cringe, obviously there's something wrong with you that you need to fix.

    The common agreement to which I referred dealt with it being a problem to let a first name spook us in a relationship. Does anyone here think a name SHOULD be a deal-breaker? I didn't seem to be reading much consensus for that opinion. And connecting my statement with homophobes who think that being gay is wrong is quite the stretch.
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    Jul 22, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    If you give it time I think you'll get over it.

    I was never exactly in your situation...but there was this book I read where one of the main character's name was a name I negatively associated with. Every time I read chapters with him included, I was always distracted because of that fact....but eventually my association with the name was replaced by the actual character.
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    Jul 22, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidA lot of harsh answers here, when I think some understanding, advice & encouragement could work better. If a certain name evokes an uncomfortable mental image for the OP then that is a real problem for him that he needs to overcome.

    We all agree it SHOULDN'T be a problem, and that's what he's gotta come to believe and erase from his mind. But I don't think personal insults is the best approach to help him achieve that.


    He would do well to see a mental health professional. Or just grow up. Either or.