So I told my parents...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2013 8:53 PM GMT
    So I finally told my parents that I wasn't into girls, and I suppose it could have gone better (or a lot worse)...

    My mother started off with "You're joking right? That's not normal". Awkward. Then went on to how "this is a phase" and that she will be praying (due to her beliefs) that I will change although that she still loved me...

    My father pretty much ignored it. Or just didn't hear...I'm not so sure icon_eek.gif

    icon_confused.gif

    Now I don't know what to do icon_neutral.gif


    i-has-a-sad.jpg
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    Jul 22, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    I guess you just need to see how things go. Really not any other advice at this point since the ball is in their court as to how they deal with this news.

    Regardless of how things turn out, your life is your own. Remember that.
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    Jul 22, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    JCTY saidSo I finally told my parents that I wasn't into girls, and I suppose it could have gone better (or a lot worse)...

    My mother started off with "You're joking right? That's not normal". Awkward. Then went on to how "this is a phase" and that she will be praying (due to her beliefs) that I will change although that she still loved me...

    My father pretty much ignored it. Or just didn't hear...I'm not so sure icon_eek.gif

    icon_confused.gif

    Now I don't know what to do icon_neutral.gif


    i-has-a-sad.jpg


    Tell her that ignorance is just "a phase" and that she should be more concerned with whether you still loved her for such an insulting response to something that really is no ones business but yours.
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    Jul 22, 2013 11:40 PM GMT
    IrishDarren said
    Tell her that ignorance is just "a phase" and that she should be more concerned with whether you still loved her for such an insulting response to something that really is no ones business but yours.

    That's incredibly stupid advice.
    You don't care whose life you're playing with, do you?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 22, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    What feels endless will pass
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    Jul 22, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    Give it time. Good luck.
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    Jul 22, 2013 11:50 PM GMT
    Your mom made a point to say that she still loves you, even though she finds herself conflicted because of her religious beliefs.

    I suspect that when she prays on this, she will hear her God tell her that she is right to always love you.

    I agree with giving it time as someone mentioned that God's email is down so he has to handwrite everything and you know how time consuming that can be.
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    Jul 23, 2013 9:32 AM GMT
    Well I said that if they dis agree with my sexuality they can tell me now, my dad got angry and we ended up fighting, neither of us won but after he shook my hand and accepted it...my mother now loves on Germany lol, oh well.
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    Jul 23, 2013 9:55 AM GMT
    Remember, before you told them you had tons of time to accept it yourself. You can't always expect those you come out to to just accept the news instantly. they might need time also. good luck!
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    Jul 23, 2013 9:58 AM GMT
    hoosier_daddy saidRemember, before you told them you had tons of time to accept it yourself. You can't always expect those you come out to to just accept the news instantly. they might need time also. good luck!



    This is true, for them more than anyone i suppose.
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    Jul 23, 2013 10:15 AM GMT
    Well ..it really didn't go so bad..!! (as you said)

    ..Hey this is more your burden than theirs!
    Congrats!
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    Jul 23, 2013 10:23 AM GMT
    Awww! Congratulations on Being Proud Mr! Not many people on this site have told their parents! Just give it some time and for the record, Your always going to be yourself! Don't change who you already were!icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:08 AM GMT
    Congratulations on having the self confidence and your own acceptance to take the step. As others stated, give them time to absorb it and get their own heads around this.

    Maybe if you have access to the movie Prayers For Bobby you might want to watch that with your mother. It could help, it could hurt. It helped me reconcile my faith and orientation, maybe it will have the same experience with her faith and your orientation. Just give her time and love and she will hopefully give the same in return.

    Your father will take time too. I can't speak to that relationship. I came out and was told "One day you'll come back around to what the "good book" says and be the son you're suppose to be". I have not spoke to him since.
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:26 AM GMT
    hockeyfwd saidCongratulations on having the self confidence and your own acceptance to take the step. As others stated, give them time to absorb it and get their own heads around this.

    Maybe if you have access to the movie Prayers For Bobby you might want to watch that with your mother. It could help, it could hurt. It helped me reconcile my faith and orientation, maybe it will have the same experience with her faith and your orientation. Just give her time and love and she will hopefully give the same in return.

    Your father will take time too. I can't speak to that relationship. I came out and was told "One day you'll come back around to what the "good book" says and be the son you're suppose to be". I have not spoke to him since.


    Do you still sew your parents?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 23, 2013 11:33 AM GMT
    Well congrats for telling your parents. Great that you took the initiative and now your life begins on a new level.

    I wouldn't rub it in their faces, but make it clear you are living your life the way you want, responsibly, but honestly. Don't know if you still live at home or where you are in terms of financial independence, but that's always one of the "deal breakers" for many guys in leveling with parents. If it seems to be a problem for your mother, best to live your life in an area separate from them.
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:45 AM GMT
    Congrats! I came out to my parents almost 2 years ago, and went through a similar response. From my end of things, as much as my parents have told me that they love me, they've also said that they don't support my lifestyle. Growing up my father was a pastor, so there's definitely some ingrained religious thought processes going on with them.

    First of all, give it time. I've lived on my own for over a decade now, so it makes it easy to give them space. In the past two years they have come around a bit more. Still, my father told me back in March that I needed to date a woman so she could "clean up after" me.

    It's these moments where you start realizing who your parents really are as people, and you recognize that you're equals now, able to see their faults as much as they have seen yours growing up.

    Recently I've started mentioning to my parents when I'm dating someone, and dropping a few pieces of info about them. If I plan on getting married in the next decade I know I need to get them used to the idea of me being with a man first, before I send them a wedding invite, lol.

    You might go through a period now where you feel more emotionally vulnerable, which I think is natural. Some of the most important people in your life so far have invalidated you, and that will always hurt in a deep way. Try to focus your energy on being around people who genuinely care, and if you don't have people like that in your life, spend some time alone doing things for yourself. Build yourself up by doing things that bring you real happiness and self-worth.
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:47 AM GMT
    pf0081 said
    mcsolutions said
    Do you still sew your parents?


    tumblr_m9xapgDjF01ref6vno1_500.jpg


    Lol, not what I was expecting lol, I meant see
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:48 AM GMT
    I think you're mom will come around. My mom said the exact same thing, that it was a phase and that she would be praying for me and she made me pray with her lmao.. Though, now she is fine with my sexuality. I just let her have her beliefs. She thinks I will change if it's meant for me to be hetero, so whatever that's fine with me because I already know the truth icon_wink.gif
    And dads are weird. I think it takes a while for them to actually realize you are serious. Then there is the whole denial thing, which really isn't your problem.
    Give your parents time to process and make since of things. But not too much time. Don't concern yourself too much with people who are set in their ways even if they are your parents. You have your life to live, and your parents should be glad you had enough respect to come to them. At least now they know. Happy for you dudeicon_biggrin.gif
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jul 23, 2013 11:49 AM GMT
    congratulations! you have made the first step
    just keep droping hints [ like when u watch t.v for example and they talk about the subject].
  • BillandChuck

    Posts: 2024

    Jul 23, 2013 12:01 PM GMT
    You've done a great thing for yourself. Congratulations to you! How your parents deal with it from here is their burden, not yours, but unfortunately it will impact you. Our best advice is for you to not react to their difficulties and challenges as they go through this, other than to communicate and to remember what your objective is, which we're inferring is that you maintain a relationship with them. They may do or say things that will be hurtful, and it's important that you don't do or say hurtful things back. When those speed bumps occur, turn the other cheek, withdraw from the conversation and wait them out. It's vital that you keep your eye on that goal and give them space to process what is obviously traumatic for them lest you escalate the tensions or give life to things that they either regret at the time or will come to regret, thus adding to what it takes for you all to get past this.

    That's not saying that anything hurtful or negative that they say to you is right because it's not. But they, like you, are human, and they're imperfect and will have difficulty getting through this.

    Best of luck to you, and keep communicating with your gay brethren here (and don't listen to the antagonistic advice, but rather listen to the support of many who have gone through this and have come out whole after the "dust settles"). We're all with you and behind you.
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    Jul 23, 2013 12:23 PM GMT
    I envy you for the courage I was never able to find.
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    Jul 23, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    Brazen68 saidI envy you for the courage I was never able to find.

    It's not for everyone.
    I told my parents years ago and they freaked out so bad (out of concern) that I had to tell them it was a phase. I never brought it up again.
    I don't believe for a second it's necessary to tell everything to a parent. There are many things they cannot understand.

  • Jul 23, 2013 2:09 PM GMT
    Stick in there buddy, life is beautiful and is your journey regardless of someone else misconceptions. Just focus on the positive.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Jul 23, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    I came out to them with a similar response. My mom told me I was "rushing my life" and that I "felt more emotional about things because I'm young so therefore don't know for sure". My dad said he doesnt approve of me being gay, but he chooses to tolerate it, though he'd rather I not be gay. Two years later and they still feel the same way. They think I let society dictate who I am. My dad brings up the STD issue in which he believes I could get an STD from having sex with any guy(but it mostly happens due to sex without a condom or other risque practices). Yeah, I don't think my parents can understand either.

    Stand your ground and don't succumb to their views. They haven't come around to understand yet. Maybe they will in time, or maybe they won't. It's still your life to live. You're old enough to make your own decisions now. Don't let them run your life for you. Otherwise, you may just need to accept that some people, including your parents, may not agree with your lifestyle and that you may need to go your separate ways from them to live the life you want to. Good luck.
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    Jul 23, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    That is great. You have done all you can do.

    I find that many gay men, because they don't go through this huge psychological transition called marriage in their 20's, stay in an adolescent relationship with their parents far too long. Often parents stay unconsciously in that relationship as well because there is no impetus to do otherwise and they are mentally stuck seeing you as their dependent little boy indefinitely.

    Many cultures have rights of passage that clearly make the break where dependent child becomes independent, autonomous adult . In such a scenario, who you are and what you become is not permissioned by parents.