Should it really matter that much...?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 23, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    I just found out that the guy I have been dating for the past few months was untruthful to me concerning a few things.( No, I didn't snoop or pry into his personal things, I found another photo of him online with his real information on a website for musicians.)

    His real name and his real age. Is it really that bad that he made up a name or that he told me he was 8 years younger than he really is?

    In trying to let him know my confusion, I received this reply:

    "I know you still care,I care also and that's something that may or may not bring us closer. We can talk about everything. You know, I don't force myself to become this and that or to do this and that. I also don't set very specific goals. I just know what I want and I let things happen naturally and in time. I'm a nice guy, I just made some bad decisions with you. You should run fast into my arms and I'll show you how much you'll be appreciated!

    I told him that he would have to excuse me because I was still confused.

    His reply: "You're only excused because you're such a great guy, although we do need to talk more."

    Thanks for listening... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    From my experience, a relationship starting on a lie (or several) is a dead end.

    I once dated this really hot guy. He seemed sweet too. Around the second week of dating him, he told me he had lied about his age. I asked him how old he really was...he was 40-something (as opposed to 30-something). I didn't really care that much but then my intuition kicked in and told me, "you know something isn't right." I told him we weren't going to see each other again after that night. I had this feeling that he was lying about more things. Surely enough, a few weeks later I ran into a friend who knew the guy I was dating. He replied with, "Oh, the stripper?" Turns out he also lied about his profession. I dodged a bullet. Always trust your gutt. Usually if he lies about one thing, he'll lie about more.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 23, 2013 4:06 AM GMT
    i agree with the guy above. however, if you think that this is the only thing that he has been lying about and you think you can trust him after this lie. than give him another try. tell him he is on probation. if he gets caught in any type of ordeal than it is over.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    Holy Lord... please run away. Just do it.
    He sounds like a deranged, morbidly insecure person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 7:16 AM GMT
    masculumpedes saidI just found out that the guy I have been dating for the past few months was untruthful to me concerning a few things.( No, I didn't snoop or pry into his personal things, I found another photo of him online with his real information on a website for musicians.)

    His real name and his real age. Is it really that bad that he made up a name or that he told me he was 8 years younger than he really is?

    In trying to let him know my confusion, I received this reply:

    "I know you still care,I care also and that's something that may or may not bring us closer. We can talk about everything. You know, I don't force myself to become this and that or to do this and that. I also don't set very specific goals. I just know what I want and I let things happen naturally and in time. I'm a nice guy, I just made some bad decisions with you. You should run fast into my arms and I'll show you how much you'll be appreciated!

    I told him that he would have to excuse me because I was still confused.

    His reply: "You're only excused because you're such a great guy, although we do need to talk more."

    Thanks for listening... icon_wink.gif


    When someone is so very dishonest, there is only one answer: get rid of him..yesterday. No excuses. He is a dirt bag. You did not need dishonest people in your life. It's wrong; at every level.
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    Jul 23, 2013 7:40 AM GMT
    Did he ever say he was sorry?

    I think you can expect this pattern to continue .....
    and when he does something 'wrong', you can expect to be excused by him for your 'confusion'.
  • visualguy

    Posts: 204

    Jul 23, 2013 9:24 AM GMT
    Ditto that he never said he was sorry. And who lies about their name to the person they're dating? For months?!! This reminds me about the guy who managed to have two marriages to two different women in two different states. Yes, he was quite the family man....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:36 AM GMT
    It sounds awful, if that was me I would feel like I don't know him and feel like he is trying to hide something, my ex fiance cheated on me with 3 guys over the course of five months, I challenged him and he said forget about it, after that I felt I didn't know him and now we are no longer together. I hope you are able to find out who he really is and why he felt he had to do it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 11:45 AM GMT
    leo23 saidI would text him "good buy!"

    Lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 1:26 PM GMT
    Omg this is a complete "deja vu" for me. I already posted something similar 2 weeks ago:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3309334/

    I finally got to talk to him (by phone) , he recognised all the lies he told me and also that he was really sorry because he was just "letting himself go" and he messed it up with me...

    It's a different situation because this guy has a boyfriend, but in your case... I would also recommend to stay away from a compulsive liar.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 2:07 PM GMT
    mtlswim saidDid he ever say he was sorry?

    I think you can expect this pattern to continue .....
    and when he does something 'wrong', you can expect to be excused by him for your 'confusion'.


    Exactly! No where in the original post did it mention an apology. The guy the OP is dating appears to be telling the OP that he should be privileged to be dating him despite lying about his age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 2:18 PM GMT
    As a forty something guy and knowing many others my age, none of us who are real and genuine MEN give a stuff about our age. Only the twats our age lie about being younger.
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    Jul 23, 2013 2:26 PM GMT
    I dont get the name part. The age I can sort of understand since the gay community puts such a value on youth (among other things) but in the end its stupid because its all going to come out. Unless you met him on a hook up site and dating happened by accident.

    Oh and you should stop dating him.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 23, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    Ya, dump him. I could understand the age thing if a hook up turned serious to his surprise. Or even the name if he immediately corrected it on the second date and explained why, but to carry it on for a month and then try to con you into not caring, well, he's got some serious issues and the worst one is his disrespect for you.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jul 23, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYa, dump him. I could understand the age thing if a hook up turned serious to his surprise. Or even the name if he immediately corrected it on the second date and explained why, but to carry it on for a month and then try to con you into not caring, well, he's got some serious issues and the worst one is his disrespect for you.

    I agree. It's one thing to 'play with the numbers' a bit on a hook-up app, quite another in a supposedly honest and on-going interaction. What else hasn't he told you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 4:19 PM GMT
    masculumpedes saidIn trying to let him know my confusion, I received this reply:

    "I know you still care,I care also and that's something that may or may not bring us closer. We can talk about everything. You know, I don't force myself to become this and that or to do this and that. I also don't set very specific goals. I just know what I want and I let things happen naturally and in time. I'm a nice guy, I just made some bad decisions with you. You should run fast into my arms and I'll show you how much you'll be appreciated!

    I told him that he would have to excuse me because I was still confused.


    If course you're confused. He can't write a cohesive paragraph. That notwithstanding, if he appreciated you he wouldn't have lied to you. He's trouble from the word go. RUN! like your life depends on it.

    Relationships built on lies will eventually fail, as you have learned.
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    Jul 23, 2013 4:26 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYa, dump him. I could understand the age thing if a hook up turned serious to his surprise. Or even the name if he immediately corrected it on the second date and explained why, but to carry it on for a month and then try to con you into not caring, well, he's got some serious issues and the worst one is his disrespect for you.

    Yep, and agree with others above, too. The guy's explanation wasn't an apology, but a con as you say, that attempts to justify the lies he told, even make them sound commendable.

    FAIL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    Liar's lie. Lot's of people think that's ok. If you're one of them, this shouldn't be a problem.

    If, on the other hand, you value honesty, I agree that you should run fast. Just not into his arms.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jul 24, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    card all dates. it takes 3 seconds. simple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    Fun fast away. Do not look back. Cut off all contact.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say to cut him off completely..

    Send a clear message that he needs to grow up...and till then you'll consider him ready and worthy.

    ..You have the right to know WHO your'e really dating.
    MEN. icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    Good relationships are built on a foundation of honesty. If he's lying to you now, he will do again. Get it on with someone else with integrity.
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    Sep 03, 2013 6:00 AM GMT
    OMG! lol i see this alot...guys lying about there ages! why do they do this? like your eventually going to get caught lying, don't they understand this? lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    This guy is a smooth operator, too smooth for my liking. Distance yourself from this person, by the time his done with you no one will recorgnize u. Ruuuuun away.
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    Sep 03, 2013 8:39 AM GMT
    Do you really want someone who is insecure about his age and lying about his name with the probability that he's hiding something you don't wanna find out..

    Anyway for me that's a huge turn off.

    Btw "You're only excused because you're a great guy"??
    I like how he used manipulation to turn it around as if you were in the wrong..

    faces-girl-bye.gif

    Just saying.