Anti-gay, but not religious

  • Kazachok

    Posts: 415

    Jul 23, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    So this is an issue that I have with my parents. One of them really, really doesn't accept me being gay, and even told me "Sure you can marry a man, but I won't have anything to do with it."
    My parents are the kind of people who would press a button and every church, temple, mosque, and synagogue would get dynamited. So it's hard to argue against atheist homophobia.
    Maybe I'll have to cut them out completely.
    Any ideas?
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    Jul 23, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    Yes. We should do a poll to see if telling your parent that you're gay has brought more satisfaction or heartbreak.
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    Jul 23, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    Kazachok saidSo this is an issue that I have with my parents. One of them really, really doesn't accept me being gay, and even told me "Sure you can marry a man, but I won't have anything to do with it."
    My parents are the kind of people who would press a button and every church, temple, mosque, and synagogue would get dynamited. So it's hard to argue against atheist homophobia.
    Maybe I'll have to cut them out completely.
    Any ideas?


    Atheists tend to be rational people. Try to appeal to their rational side. If you can convince your particular parent that their homophobia is irrational, that might sway them. I have no idea how you would go about doing that or what the specific points would be, though. icon_lol.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 23, 2013 3:45 PM GMT
    So I take it that your parents never married? Tell them you will remember that when it is time to look for a rest home.
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    Jul 23, 2013 4:00 PM GMT
    Kazachok saidSo this is an issue that I have with my parents. One of them really, really doesn't accept me being gay, and even told me "Sure you can marry a man, but I won't have anything to do with it."
    My parents are the kind of people who would press a button and every church, temple, mosque, and synagogue would get dynamited. So it's hard to argue against atheist homophobia.
    Maybe I'll have to cut them out completely.
    Any ideas?

    Is there a specific reason he/she can give you for this opposition? Is it because that parent wants grandchildren, which it's presumed you cannot provide? Is it concern about social position in the community, or job insecurity? Because without the motivation of religion, wouldn't there be a greater chance that the motivation is entirely selfish on that parent's part? If you know the reason maybe you can address that directly.
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    Jul 23, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    Don't attack them personally or directly but try some humor. Maybe even just among your friends or siblings with your parents in earshot. Should anyone bring up heterosexuality, you could go something like "Ewwww, that sounds gross. You do that? And feel good about yourself in the morning? That would just make me vomit. Mom would have to pay for my therapy just to get that taste out of my mouth."

    Make it light but honestly how you feel so as to make them question their own sexuality just as they question yours. Once they realize the answer to theirs, they will stop questioning you.

    "When you surround an army, leave an outlet free...thus prevent his fighting with the courage of despair."~~Sun Tzu
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    Jul 23, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    Kazachok said
    Maybe I'll have to cut them out completely.

    why? Do they not love you?
    Some people, though they don't accept what they don't want to see, they still love us. Perhaps prestige comes in the way of acceptance.
    the only way I could think of, to change them is by you having patience.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jul 23, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    leo23 saidYou must give them some time. Meanwhile you should prove yourself that you are worth loving for what you are. methinks time heals all wounds.
    Good luck!

    He shouldn't have to "prove" that he is worth loving, he's their child.

    They either come around, or they don't. He's got nothing to prove.
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    Jul 23, 2013 5:48 PM GMT
    Hmm, this ones a little hard. They have no beliefs, so you can't really argue those.

    Ask them specifically why they are against homophobia. Is it the people? The stereotypes? Or just because they can't agree with it because they are straight.

    It may just be pure ignorance. People don't believe in what doesn't concern them. But in order to try to change their views, you first need to find out more about them.

    If I were you, I'd just give it some time. As long as they are civil/respect you, there is no reason to cut them out. (But if they ever become violent or put you down for your beliefs then yes, you should cut ties with them)
  • Kazachok

    Posts: 415

    Jul 23, 2013 7:14 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidSo I take it that your parents never married? Tell them you will remember that when it is time to look for a rest home.

    They've been married for 21 years.

    But thank you to all of you.
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    Jul 23, 2013 7:52 PM GMT
    did u ask them why? Parents worry about the world would think of them because of their children. They also love to brag about their kids. Maybe it is social pressure, anti-gay friends and other factors contributing to their position regarding your sexual orientation. But you cant just keep guessing, first, demand an explanation as to why they oppose it and work from there.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 23, 2013 8:08 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidYes. We should do a poll to see if telling your parent that you're gay has brought more satisfaction or heartbreak.

    Most parents who react poorly eventually come around, after they have some time to think about it.

    @ OP, I think it's unusual for nonreligious people to react that way to gay people, but hopefully they will learn to accept you as you are. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 23, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    HottJoe said OP, I think it's unusual for nonreligious people to react that way to gay people, but hopefully they will learn to accept you as you are. icon_smile.gif

    Oh pa-lease.
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    Jul 23, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    What's an atheist homophobia?