Should I stay or Should I go?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2013 8:57 PM GMT
    Any help in interpreting this confounding conundrum will be greatly appreciated as I try to decipher what is going on. Word of warning though: Its a long one...icon_wink.gif

    I've been working at a local grocery mart for over a year now, and when I first started there was this guy that I became instantly smittened by when I first saw him. I realized these feelings were purely a physical attraction, thus I pushed them to the back burner of my mind and decided not to really pay any attention to it. That didn't work out too well, and my heart would do somersaults whenever I saw him. Now whenever I would try to have an actual conversation with him, it would be awkward and stilted. I was never sure why as I was able to hold a conversation adeptly with everyone else I worked with, but with him it was just kind of...Strange. I chalked it up to my own little crush on him getting in the way. This went on for a couple of months and then we actually started having some conversations which were normal and relaxed. He started mentioning things about what I was doing at work, and joking a bit here and there with me, and told me that he had waved at me while I was driving somewhere, but that I never waved back. I didn't really pay any heed to these actions as it seemed rather normal. Until someone pointed out that he may be showing interest, maybe not romantic, but interest nonetheless.
    So with that I decided to finally tell one of my close coworkers about the crush which I had been harboring for nearly nine months. She asked if I would have sex with him, which I replied maybe if I had gotten to know him. I also told this to my fellow gay coworker who swore on his death bed that he would never tell of my feelings. This is where the confusion starts in as after I had told these two about my feelings things started changing. A close coworker friend of his approached me and said how he wished he was so goddamn happy as I was all the time at work (exact words). That had never happened. Then my close friend who I had mentioned earlier said that she had a conversation which was about me. In nine months working there I had never heard of him talking about me, yet in the span of a day I hear of these two events. So of course I'm hopeful and near close to exploding. The next day at work I noticed we were making a lot more eye contact than usual, which I brushed aside. Later we started working in one of the aisles together, where I started telling him about my plans for university. As the conversation went on I explained that I was conflicted about moving back to my parents house to save money. Their house is in a completely different county and about an hour and fifteen minutes from where I currently live. He immediately interrupted me and said I should stay here, and do.... fun things. Not sure what he meant, but I took it as a sign. And then that's where it all went bad.
    A few days later I message on facebook him asking about hiking spots, which he never gets back to. I see him at work and decide to let him approach me about the subject which he does apologizing that he had forgotten to get back to my message. It also turned out that he would be transferring to the store right down the road (why there are two of the same stores three miles apart from each other I will never understand). I mention that day that if he ever wants to go on a hike to let me know, and invite him to go one as well. Well, it never happened, in fact I never got a reply back which left me feeling a bit blue, but because I rationalized that it was a one sided crush I was able to bounce back really quick. This happened around in March, and as the months went by he got a girlfriend, who happens to be someone that I work with. He would come into see her quite often (at least twice a week) and would pretty much completely ignore me. Seriously, the only thing I would do is wave and say hi...And nothing. If I saw him and his girlfriend walking I would talk to the girlfriend and be completely ignored by him. In the span of five months he waved to me twice from a far off distance and nothing more. Last week I decided I had had enough. I get if someone feels awkward for not returning a message, and not wanting to bring it up. I was totally cool with it and I had gotten over it. But to have been working with someone for a while and not even have a "hello" returned was quite grating. Especially when he seemed perfectly fine with everyone else. So I decided to stop. Oh right, I'm moving to San Francisco next week and it seems as if everyone in the company knows about it...
    A few days after this final decision, I run into his store in desperate need of a birthday present for a friend's party, I talk to some of the workers, see that he's there, and just go about my business without saying anything to him. He comes into the aisle I am at and for once is actually being nice enough to say hello. I decide to ask him for a recommendation for a friend's present. It was pleasant, but that was all and I thought that if anything he would at least return a hello here and there. The next day he's over in my store, after having seen his girlfriend and is waiting in a line that I am bagging at. I say hi, and of course I get a non response. I shrug it off and continue my work, when:

    The guy: So, when are you leaving (I had never told him about moving or anything, but as said everyone knows and we are friends on facebook).

    Me:..Uh, next Monday

    Him: What are you doing this Friday? I remember that you wanted to go on a hike and I'm going then. Its 32 miles. and I'll be leaving at 5 in the morning. Think you can keep up?

    WTF

    After months of being ignored, going through a roller coaster of having feelings of attraction to feelings of disdain for him, this happens. I'm super confused as to what any of this means if anything at all. I agreed to go, but I'm feeling really conflicted. This guy has not been nice, or even polite at all until a week before I have to leave this town. Now I'm being invited on a 32 mile hike, along with his dog, in his truck. Oh, did I mention that his girlfriend will be out of town at the time as well? I don't know him well enough to decipher his intentions (heck it could be just wanting to hike!), and despite these feelings of confusion I'm interested in seeing what is going to happen as well. So my question for those of you who have been in a similar situation; Should I go with him on this expenditure? Or should I stay, thus standing up for my dignity and show that I do not tolerate being treated rudely, or of having to deal with mixed signals....


  • Philip101

    Posts: 101

    Jul 24, 2013 9:12 PM GMT
    I recommend you go and enjoy your hike. You will probably have the time of your life! He probably has some feelings for you and may be bi-sexual.

    Just because a relationship will be short does not mean that it is meaningless.
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    Jul 24, 2013 9:17 PM GMT
    He's curious and thinks you would be safe to experiment with because you are moving away. If you aren't comfortable with a one-time fling, you shouldn't go.
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    Jul 24, 2013 9:23 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies guys! @ Philibuster, I'm not sure if I really enjoy the thought of being someone's sexual experiment, which I am way hoping this is not. The thought has occurred to me more than once that this could very well be a fling which doesn't seem to attractive either... @Phillip 101, but on the other hand, if its just hiking then this could be quite fun, and I may be able to ask about his behavior in a non confrontational way...
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 24, 2013 10:06 PM GMT
    I read:
    I've been working at a local grocery mart
    someone pointed out that he may be showing interest
    Not sure what he meant, but I took it as a sign. And then that's where it all went bad.
    I rationalized that it was a one sided crush I was able to bounce back really quick.
    If I saw him and his girlfriend walking I would talk to the girlfriend and be completely ignored by him.
    I run into his store in desperate need of a birthday present
    The guy: So, when are you leaving (I had never told him about moving or anything, but as said everyone knows and we are friends on facebook).
    Me:..Uh, next Monday
    Him: What are you doing this Friday? I remember that you wanted to go on a hike and I'm going then. Its 32 miles. and I'll be leaving at 5 in the morning. Think you can keep up?
    Should I go with him on this expenditure? Or should I stay, thus standing up for my dignity and show that I do not tolerate being treated rudely, or of having to deal with mixed signals....


    Na ... he just a bud you probably won't see again ... just say goodbye and leave it at that.
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    Jul 24, 2013 10:38 PM GMT
    Op I think you are extremely complex and hyper-analytical.

    ..After reading through your opening post.. I'm convinced you have the potential to be obsessive.

    Here , you stomped your psyche out of whack ..because you like a boy. A boy who has not given you any indication that he has an intimate interest in you.

    ..I figured you'd make an effort to tone it down after finding out he has a girlfriend..that you work with!?

    did I mention that his girlfriend will be out of town at the time as well? I don't know him well enough to decipher his intentions (heck it could be just wanting to hike!), and despite these feelings of confusion I'm interested in seeing what is going to happen as well.

    So if he turns out to be bi..and he makes a move??..you already have reservations!!.. you would probably reciprocate!

    How about a level playing field???
    You..and a single male that sends clear signals that he is interested in you romantically??
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    Jul 24, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    The lowdown....

    • At first he wanted to be friends because he thought you were straight.

    • But after your coworkers went back and told him you were gay he hated you, which is why he stopped speaking to you.

    •Then he found out you were going out of town and figured that would be the perfect time to take you 32 miles away from civilization, cut you into tiny pieces with his hiking knife and feed you to a bear. icon_eek.gif

    I can haz you stereo? icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 25, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    Either what Philibuster or Scruffypup said is right. We won't know for sure until we read about it in the tabloids. But I'm leaning toward the latter, as this sounds like the plot to the movie "Go."
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    Jul 25, 2013 7:48 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidEither what Philibuster or Scruffypup said is right. We won't know for sure until we read about it in the tabloids. But I'm leaning toward the latter, as this sounds like the plot to the movie "Go."
    Truthfully this scenario could be the most likely case haha! Aw well, luckily I've already told my friends where I am going so if I end up biting the dust at least they'll know it is him... Unless he makes it look like an accident...icon_lol.gif@ Anoxcu, obssesive, hyper analytical and extremely complex...Hmmmm...I've never been called any of these in my life yet alone in one paragraph haha! Aw well, what can I do. Not having had any sleep the past week, and moving to a new city is making me a bit jumbled emotionally. Throw in a one sided crush thing that comes back and of course I'm going to be a bit agitated. Hey I do enjoy hikes, and if an advance is made then too bad, and if not then heck! I got to go hike. Meanwhile San Francisco is Mecca for finding a potential someones so I'm sure that playing field will level out when Iget there icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 25, 2013 8:20 AM GMT
    CensorThis,

    Set yourself free from all the energy your devoting to him. Let him come to you. Really, it's a waste of time to spend all your efforts and focus on him, instead of just doing something you enjoy. You have a limited time on this earth, why waste it devoting your resources to something that could just be wishful thinking. If he is attracted to you he will come forward, however just let him go man. Pretend he's your brother or someone else you wouldn't normally be attracted to until he grows some balls and shows genuine interest. When you are ready the right person will come along, and you will know. I wish you the best.
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    Jul 25, 2013 8:32 AM GMT
    Lord_Trollileo said


    Love this song