LTR Guys: Does the passion ever last?

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    Nov 10, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    For those of you that have been in a LTR I have a question. You know that passion when you first figure out that your crazy about someone, when the physical is incredible, the conversation is incredible, when you simply lay there in each others arms and everything is right with the world, where you can't think about much else but them and they you. Does that passion ever last or is it just the "honeymoon stage" and is unrealistic to expect it to last?
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    Nov 10, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    Well, I definately felt that passion for the year relationship i was in, from the first day to the 13th month, etc.

    But, that's not exactly long term, so someone else might be able to give their opinion
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    Nov 10, 2008 7:44 PM GMT
    I've only had 7 years soo..

    But, the passion like you describe didn't last, however, passion was still there, it was just different, it was more slow burning and a lot less agitating.

    After watching so many couples, its about 10 - 14 months that its moves from the bedroom back into real life again and it becomes more about living together and enjoying each other in different ways..

    Theres a lot more to a guy then how he feels in the sack, a hell of a lot more.
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    Nov 10, 2008 8:02 PM GMT
    Hot, lustful passion does fade. It did for me, and for all my gay friends in relationships that go back nearly 30 years.

    But in return you get other rewards. Like having the love of someone who is always there for you, and the joy of always being there for him. Like freedom from the hunt & chase scene, of knowing you have all you'll ever need, and the satisfaction of providing all he needs, in turn. Like the camaraderie of facing life's challenges together, hand-in-hand.

    LTRs can provide a level of comfort & contentment that's hard to describe if you haven't been there. The passion you describe may lessen, but the feeling of everything being right with the world when you are together will never fade, if you are indeed a good match and in love.
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    Nov 10, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    Yes it lasts, but the frequency becomes less. That is perfectly normal for all relationships. There is little chance you will boink with the same frequency after 10 years as you did after 10 weeks. But when you do the intensity is still there.
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    Nov 10, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidFor those of you that have been in a LTR I have a question. You know that passion when you first figure out that your crazy about someone, when the physical is incredible, the conversation is incredible, when you simply lay there in each others arms and everything is right with the world, where you can't think about much else but them and they you. Does that passion ever last or is it just the "honeymoon stage" and is unrealistic to expect it to last?


    Of course!!! BUT, you have to maintain it and reignite it every so often. Passion is there for a reason, and if things change or communication dims, you have to reignite that passion by relearning communication with your partner. Nobody should expect it just to work out; you have to work on a relationship and maintain your respect and affection for each other.
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    Nov 10, 2008 11:23 PM GMT
    I've always thought there are two aspects to love...the lust or passion part...and then, the long term commitment part. I think you can have both with the same person, as it's often the passion part that draws you together, but then you both have to want the other part, too. It's that other part that keeps you together, growing and really loving each other, learning to share the same space without tearing each other's head off...or, at least, not too often. On the other hand, there are some people that only want the passion part. That won't last long term. Those guys bounce from trick to trick. We celebrated 39 years last Saturday. I also think I will want to edit/change/add to this post later...we're leaving for dinner now. 2 ta's.

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    Nov 10, 2008 11:45 PM GMT
    Like str8 LTR relationships. It changes over time. Four Times a day may become 4 times a week, and so on. But if your relationships foundations are built on something more stable and lasting than lust, your relationship has a chance to do the distance.

    I have 2 LTR together, they almost add up to 30 years. I am truly blessed to have 2 great men in my life long term. I love them both, albeit for diffrent reasons, and 1 being American, and the other Russian, they are also 2 very diffrent men. But the one thing they have in common, is they both love me dearly.

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    Nov 10, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    My 3rd anniversary is coming up next month (not that that is as LT as others, but it is for me) and I can truly say that the passion you speak of does not last consistently. However, I will say that it isn't gone in the least. It's just once the newness of it all wears off, you'll come back down to reality and realize there is more to life than just your significant other. But EVERY night, the passion comes back. We might not be having sex every time, in fact, not even a majority of the time but I know we both love just laying in bed and being there together for whatever time our schedules will permit. Its no loss though. Its one of the best feelings in the world! When at the end of a tiring day you can just come home and wrap up in his arms/vice versa and everything else fades away for that time.There are times though that other important aspects of life can get in the way and cause you to put each other in the back of your minds at which time things may get a little stale. When that happens you just have to make time for each other to remind you of what you've been missing while you've been busy
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    Nov 11, 2008 12:09 AM GMT


    Think of it becoming a telepathy, of sorts.

    I dunno, psychic orgasms perhaps? I've never paused to think about this, nor has Bill.

    The strangest things turn you on. Bill standing in the yard chopping up branches. Turns around, "Hey Doug.." and his tone of voice is like an electric charge that connects a flutter in my stomach directly to my groin and...erm. Yknow.

    Describing this is hard. Nothing like YngHung to challenge the unspoken.

    So the passion changes, a mutable force or undercurrent that surfaces in places, submerged in others and those places and times change.

    I've made a mess out of this, haven't I?
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    Nov 11, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Think of it becoming a telepathy, of sorts.

    I dunno, psychic orgasms perhaps? I've never paused to think about this, nor has Bill.

    The strangest things turn you on. Bill standing in the yard chopping up branches. Turns around, "Hey Doug.." and his tone of voice is like an electric charge that connects a flutter in my stomach directly to my groin and...erm. Yknow.

    Describing this is hard. Nothing like YngHung to challenge the unspoken.

    So the passion changes, a mutable force or undercurrent that surfaces in places, submerged in others and those places and times change.

    I've made a mess out of this, haven't I?


    Mess? I thought it was quite romantic in a sense. icon_surprised.gif
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    Nov 11, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    No, the passion as you describe it, doesn't last. However, if you work at the relationship, it will morph into something more comfortable and more meaningful, and provides the basis of a LTR. But if you don't work at it, that is the point many couples break up.
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    Nov 11, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    I am not sure why you would try to keep THE passion alive. Passions, like kittens, have lifespans. A successful LTR should keep discovering and rediscovering passions.
  • VinBaltimore

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    Nov 11, 2008 3:46 AM GMT
    The passion definitely comes and goes. We're in a bit of a lull right now, probably the longest we've ever gone without sex in the six plus years we've been together, but I'm patiently awaiting its return. If memory serves, its been about three months.

    He's been an absolute sweetheart in these past few weeks since I was laid off from my job. Knowing when to push me and when to leave me alone. Calling my family and friends with updates when I don't really want to talk about it. Listening to me whine about it practically non-stop for the first several days.

    It's that kinda of stuff that outweighs the sheet tearing orgasms... well, maybe not outweighs, but a very close second.
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    Nov 11, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    We are at 2 years and I feel the passion going away. icon_cry.gif
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    Nov 11, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    I disagree.....The moment you stop realizing what you have together, the passion dies. Whenever you remember how lucky and blessed you are to have this person in your life and you in theirs, the passion never dies. Might sound like a cliche, but don't take what you have for granted....and the passion will always be there.
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    Nov 11, 2008 4:19 AM GMT


    The first time a long wave of passion ends it can be a little or gigantically disheartening. But it's a wave guys! Take a look at the ocean and its endless rhythms. The wave recedes, the wave returns. Sometimes Love is calm, and then there are wavelets, so small it feels like nothing much, but if you're quiet you can hear their lapping, like little voices. Other times, if you wait, the weather in your relationship will change and then there's glorious crashings and roarings. This is what I meant earlier, but put another way.

    As a friend who also happens, lucky us, to be a psychologist said once, many forget what they first saw in each other. Be very observant and take some quiet time remembering what you felt, what you saw, how they smelt. (damn that's poetic) Arms remember when eyes forget, and the reverse is true, too!

    -us
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    Nov 11, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    NOPE
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    Nov 11, 2008 4:30 AM GMT


    we're not surprised.
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    Nov 11, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    Meninlove. I remember the first time I had my Russian man come over to my home, and he went out to my yard, and I well Remember hearing him call out my name with such joy, and depth.

    He had found my veggie garden, oh and the look on his face. He had grown up in a condo in Moscow. He picked what ever was ready and made me dinner that night with this produce, and ant veggie I left on my plate, he ate it, was not going to let it waist, as I had growen it. I can see it all so clearly.

    How I so miss hearing this man call my name. I now only see it written in love letter from Russia. Now he has a garden of his own in Russia, and I long to see it, and too hear him call my name again.

    Then come a day a had to drive him to the airport, and seen him look away, so not too cry, ( I did not cry, but I could not stop the tear from running down my face.) and then he had to walk away. I can see it all so clearly, this was my longest day, sitting next to him, and knowing I may well never see him again.

    But he has never forgotten me, and our love goes on. almost 10 years latter. I love him no less than I did, the day I fell in love with him. How I long to hear him call my name again with his Russian accent.
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    Nov 11, 2008 5:04 AM GMT


    Can't you call him in Russia? Internet? Pale in comparison, but something.
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    Nov 11, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    every single relationship has its ebbs and flows, highs and lows. inevitably, long-term relationships have elements that feel like work. once you recognize and accept that, you either decide to do the work or you don't. the fork you each part of the couple takes determines whether or not the relationship will go on and prosper.

    there ya have it.
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    Nov 11, 2008 5:12 AM GMT
    well I hope it lasts forever but ill do what i can before they start missing a girl icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 11, 2008 5:23 AM GMT
    read 'the road less traveled' by scott peck... then you'll understand why the initial excitement never lasts... it's the 'myth of romantic love'. but what replaces the myth in a good, lasting relationship is the work of 'real love'. many people, straight or gay, don't want to stay around to do the work of 'real love'. they think the other person just wasn't the right one, so they move on... in perpetual (but doomed to fail) searches for a relationship where the initial excitement will last. it will never be found. at some point, you gotta stop looking and start working. i didn't understand this in my first (11-yr) relationship... i did get it in my second (10-yr) relationship.
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    Nov 11, 2008 5:32 AM GMT

    Whereas for us, the romantic rather than the sexual has been the foundation of what we have. Go figure.