Common Relationship Mistakes Gay Men Make

  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Jul 25, 2013 7:15 AM GMT
    I think that many gay men will disagree with some of these things but it may make an interesting discussion. I see that the author did not put his name on it.

    http://revolutionarygaymagazine.tumblr.com/post/45872725589/common-relationship-mistakes-gay-men-make

    Straight, Gay, LGBT We all want to have a great relationship but some of us just don’t know how to keep one. Here are some common mistakes Gay men make in relationships.

    1. Open Relationships: While we may want to live interesting and experimental lives, the biggest mistake a Gay couple can make is having an open one. You would assume that what you have is enough to make it work, but when you feel like you need more than what you have, it borders problems. You and your partner risk the trouble of falling in love with someone else, having chemistry he might prefer over yours, or risk putting the whole relationship out to dry. While threesomes may be a bit more optional, Open relationships just don’t seem to be the way to go about things and is probably the number one reason Gay relationships don’t work. Sometimes when a relationship doesn’t work its time to move on. Don’t recycle something you’re not going to use again and use OPEN as an excuse.

    2. Neediness: A common relationship mistake Gay men make is attaching themselves too much and too quickly. Even twins born together have their own ways of being independent. It is not your partner’s fault if you have had issues in the past with other people or family and it is not his job to pick up the pieces. While there is nothing wrong with loving hard, a Gay man must always learn to have his own voice, his own identity and his own life. If you worry too much about latching on, you run the risk of pushing your partner away.

    3. Arguing: No relationship is perfect, and we all argue and disagree sooner or later. But arguing about everything can be very toxic. Stop using excuses about how “Strong" & “Independent" you are to win a fight. Respect boundaries, respect each other and respect space and opinions. While he may not say everything you want to hear, learn to listen and learn to understand. After all, you picked him right? Don’t say anything you’re going to regret later. Sometimes words hurt more than sticks and stones and sometimes saying things in the heat of the moment can result in losing someone you truly love. If it’s not important, let it go. If it’s something you can’t control, learn to vocalize your concerns and learn to keep it to the point. If you are hitting a brick wall, analyze your relationship and make a decision whether he is right for you. But never destroy your relationship with words.

    4. Being With Someone For Comfort (Money, Favors, Apartment) While there is no problem moving in with your boyfriend or sharing an account or money, there is a fine line between sharing and taking more than he wants to give. Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net. Learn to work for your own, earn your own and have your own things. There’s nothing worse than having a break-Up and you having to be out on the street because everything belongs to him. While some men may seem amazing at first, you quickly find out they may be using you as well. Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.



    5. Going to the club together: While many may disagree, this is probably the most common mistake a Gay man can make. A club is never a place to spend quality time with your boyfriend. While it may seem innocent and fun, Clubs involve alcohol and a bunch of hot guys (depending on what club you go to). And while you may say that your eyes are only for him, and his for you, there is a lot of distraction and a lot of men who are not afraid to flirt hardcore. Some men go to clubs just to find a man to fuck. If you are not there to hook up do not pretend like its for the music. Unfortunately, in the Gay community there are people who don’t respect what you have and while its all about trust, I don’t think you want to complicate it by having a guy shake his ass in front of you. A small bar or a more loungy upscale place is more convenient. You don’t have to worry about going to the bathroom and leaving your cameraphone on.

    6. Putting Your Relationship Status on FB: You might be that guy who feels like your boyfriend should definitely change his relationship status on FB to prove his love, but this may harm you more than it works for you. Why? Because you or your boyfriend may notice that your friend requests keep growing only because people want to know who this guy is. Some guys don’t care and will hit on your boyfriend even if it says In Relationship. Don’t ask me why they’re like this, but its a fact. Also, you may get upset when these sudden mutual friends leave innuendos or comments on your boyfriends timeline, assuming your stupid enough not to notice. While anyone would assume its all about trust, like the club, some men just have no respect or dignity. Some men are more attracted to what they can’t have or will do things to spite you. So prepare yourself. Sometimes its better to just not put up a relationship status to begin with and just trust your partner. Its up to you.



    7. Not Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With Friends: You’re his boyfriend not his master. The biggest mistake a Gay man can do is think he can control his boyfriend. While a lot of Gay couples don’t mind being on a leash and it works for them, some people just need space. This is where trust really comes in. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend enough with any of his friends, then he’s not for you. A good boyfriend is suppose to make you feel secure and know that he is there for you not because you’re around. Same thing with Passwords and emails. If you can’t trust your boyfriend you don’t deserve him. He’s his own person and whether you like it or not, we’re in the real world. Unlike the club where you’re in a close capacity to horny drunk men, the world is full of different people, not all out to get your man. Learn to trust and to live your own life as well. Some things you can do together and some apart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    almost all of these 7 things can be said about straight couples too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 7:23 AM GMT
    5. Going to the club together:
    --Oh yeah...the epic, epic break up fight of 2003--didn't and won't ever happen again.

    7. Not Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With Friends
    --Pasting this to his face book now!!!
  • tnlifter

    Posts: 76

    Jul 25, 2013 1:47 PM GMT
    I couldn't agree with this more! Thanks for posting it. I hope some read it and learn. Most of these are reasons why I stay single.
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    Jul 25, 2013 1:49 PM GMT
    Number 3 is me all day everyday with a partner and results in someone getting hurt physically. Not a problem with me because i ain't afraid to fight

  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Jul 25, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'm guilty of a couple of these.....I'd rather just be single and happy.....less stress, less drama
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    5. Going to the club together: While many may disagree...

    Count me among those many. The issue is with the couple, not with the club. If you both can't go to a club together and not be tempted to stray, can you really be trusted to go anywhere? A private party can present just as much bait, or almost any public setting.

    My BFs and both partners had some of our best times in clubs, especially dancing together. Where else can you do that? We'd go to clubs together to meet our local friends, socialize, drink a little, enjoy the music, dance, sometimes catch a special show when they had one, have a great time. I enjoy a club more when I arrive with a man already on my arm, to experience it together, rather than doing the place solo and spending most of my time & energy trying to leave with a man before last call.

    No, I think if your relationship is so fragile that a club will destroy it then I suspect it was never a very durable one in the first place.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 25, 2013 2:28 PM GMT
    I'll add one to the list...Remember this.... If you have this great bf or mate don't brag about it to your so- called friends..You'll make him sound sooo good they'll want a taste...If you got something good, KEEP IT TO YO SELF...Uncle BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    And...

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty homo your wife.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    Interesting that they list the common 'mistakes' made in gay relationships (which I don't agree with some but there are parts of each statement that contain common sense stuff) but no where do they even mention communications!

    If guys communicate and are open with their thoughts without judgment, you could do all these things without any issues! Over possessive, jealous, insecure are all words that would identify most of the guys that fall into these categories.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:40 PM GMT

    To various extents I disagree with all of these.
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Jul 25, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    mybud saidI'll add one to the list...Remember this.... If you have this great bf or mate don't brag about it to your so- called friends..You'll make him sound sooo good they'll want a taste...If you got something good, KEEP IT TO YO SELF...Uncle BUD


    Um...I would question who you call a friend. I do not have any friends that I would need to worry about that. They would just be happy for me. But then again, I would not share super personal details either because that would be just between him (if he existed) and I. icon_smile.gif
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Jul 25, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidAnd...

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty homo your wife.


    awww...pretty homos deserve love as well.

    SAVE the Pretty Homos! icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:54 PM GMT


    These are not mistakes, rather how each couple goes about them determines whether they are mistakes or not. The arguing one makes a point of referring to an extreme in behaviour, which makes sense to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    I basically agree with 2 (neediness), 3 (arguing) and 7 (not allowing outside friends).

    The rest I think are kind of stupid.

    Open relationships - No need to re-hash that one. Suffice it to say that what works for one couple may not work for another. "Open relationships just don't seem to be the way to go about things" is not exactly a compelling argument. He should have added, "for me."

    Being with someone for comfort - Why not? Everyone brings different things to the table (money, looks, intelligence, gregariousness, whatever). Independence is great, there's nothing wrong with enjoying what your boyfriend has to offer, no matter what it is, so long as each of you is into the other for good reasons.

    Going to a club together - I don't even know what to say about this. Good lord. I think I can manage to go home with my boyfriend even if I see some other dude shake his ass.

    Putting your relationship status on Facebook - Again, stupid beyond belief. What kind of friends would hit on your boyfriend just because you've announced that you're in a relationship? The solution is not to let the world know you're dating, but to dump the fake friends.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 25, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    metta8 said
    mybud saidI'll add one to the list...Remember this.... If you have this great bf or mate don't brag about it to your so- called friends..You'll make him sound sooo good they'll want a taste...If you got something good, KEEP IT TO YO SELF...Uncle BUD


    Um...I would question who you call a friend. I do not have any friends that I would need to worry about that. They would just be happy for me. But then again, I would not share super personal details either because that would be just between him (if he existed) and I. icon_smile.gif
    I taught you well Grasshopper...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 3:01 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said5. Going to the club together: While many may disagree...

    Count me among those many. The issue is with the couple, not with the club. If you both can't go to a club together and not be tempted to stray, can you really be trusted to go anywhere? A private party can present just as much bait, or almost any public setting.

    My BFs and both partners had some of our best times in clubs, especially dancing together. Where else can you do that? We'd go to clubs together to meet our local friends, socialize, drink a little, enjoy the music, dance, sometimes catch a special show when they had one, have a great time. I enjoy a club more when I arrive with a man already on my arm, to experience it together, rather than doing the place solo and spending most of my time & energy trying to leave with a man before last call.

    No, I think if your relationship is so fragile that a club will destroy it then I suspect it was never a very durable one in the first place.


    We were so universally, comically hated due to our politics that it wasn't ever a problem. It was hilarious though

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    Jul 25, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    metta8 said
    UndercoverMan saidAnd...

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty homo your wife.


    awww...pretty homos deserve love as well.

    SAVE the Pretty Homos! icon_lol.gif


    The homely ones are far more grateful and usually better in bed. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    mybud saidI'll add one to the list...Remember this.... If you have this great bf or mate don't brag about it to your so- called friends..You'll make him sound sooo good they'll want a taste...If you got something good, KEEP IT TO YO SELF...Uncle BUD


    Smart man, you know your shit....or had it happen. icon_lol.gif

    Ive had so-called friends try to squeeze details out of me about my partner, everything from how big he is (huge) to how well he smashes (he beats it up right). I dont worry about HIM stepping out since he knows what'll happen if he does, but I have no doubt some would tried to slide in when Im looking the other way.

    Otherwise I kinda agree with this list. We dont do anything listed, and have been together years and years, so there must be some truth to it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 3:36 PM GMT
    Definitely needed to see this. With just getting out of a relationship that went really bad due to his insecurities, some of the red flags are written here perfectly. Some of these I don't see too well just because I've never been bothered by them or in the situations but no two relationships are the same. Thanks again for posting this!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 3:54 PM GMT

    They say;

    ...."You can do whatever you want! But come back home with that same Heart.
  • mitshoo

    Posts: 76

    Jul 25, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    showme said
    Being with someone for comfort - Why not? Everyone brings different things to the table (money, looks, intelligence, gregariousness, whatever). Independence is great, there's nothing wrong with enjoying what your boyfriend has to offer, no matter what it is, so long as each of you is into the other for good reasons.


    And that, my friend, is exactly what number 4 was about:

    4. Being With Someone For Comfort (Money, Favors, Apartment) ... Don’t get in a relationship because you need stability and he’s your safety net... Be with someone because you love them, not because they can give you something of luxury.

    What number four was telling us is that comfort does not qualify for the "good reasons" you spoke of. Perhaps "comfort" was a poor choice of words. They really ought to have said "security" or something like that. Far too many couples, gay and straight alike, stay with someone just because they cover the bills or put a roof over their head. But meanwhile, they are miserable because that's all their partner does for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidAnd...

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty homo your wife.


    There's an old calypso from the Caribbean that says the exact thing in relation to men and beautiful women. LOL
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Jul 25, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    These two ruined it for me with my last boyfriend lol

    5. Going to the club together:
    We both got extremely jealous every time we went to a gay club, any other clubs were perfectly fine but gay clubs should have been a no no.

    7. Allowing Your Boyfriend To Go Out With MY Friends:
    He kind of became obsessed with my friends and still is, so he is always still around, and I hate it
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 25, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    Ugh. I hate these types of lists. Saying all the things you can't/shouldn't do makes it sound like relationships are boring, confining, prison sentences. If I want to go to a club I'd rather have my bf there. I feel more confident with him at my side, and I don't think the other guys are hotter than him. I just hate the idea that relationships are so fragile that you can't be too clingy, or independent, or you have to castrate yourself before you walk out the front door. If it was really that complicated, I wouldn't be in a relationship. Happily, it's not that complicated. I can't wait to see my bf tonight after work. And hey if we argue, we can always have make up sexicon_twisted.gif