How long do you have to date a guy before it's okay for someone to bring up the boyfriend talk

  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Jul 26, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    In between "clingy codependency issues guy says he loves you after the first date" and "wasting our time", how long is the appropriate "normal, stable, healthy" time for you to be just kind of dating a guy and having to introduce him as your friend to being able to have that talk where afterwards he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive....Weeks, months, give me a general number.
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    The answer is subjective. It depends on the two of you and what you agree upon. Good and productive communication is where you need to start.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Jul 26, 2013 7:11 AM GMT
    i'd say a roughly a month d^^
  • Fargo

    Posts: 144

    Jul 26, 2013 10:39 AM GMT
    7 dates! That's the magic number!
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    Jul 26, 2013 11:19 AM GMT
    After he swallows.
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    Jul 26, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks saidIn between "clingy codependency issues guy says he loves you after the first date" and "wasting our time", how long is the appropriate "normal, stable, healthy" time for you to be just kind of dating a guy and having to introduce him as your friend to being able to have that talk where afterwards he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive....Weeks, months, give me a general number.



    I popped the question when I had know my ex for 8 weeks. He was thrilled but his friends called us lesbians. I've been dating my current dude ( str8 curious frat boy) for 10 months and he is not buying the BF thing yet. So it varies a lot with the relationship.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jul 26, 2013 2:34 PM GMT
    When you both feel the desire to be exclusive, or soon after. Can be weeks or months.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Jul 26, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidAfter he swallows.

    Woo hoo we can be boyfriends about 10 minutes from now! icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    If you spend a good amount of time together and aren't seeing other people, it happens without saying. It's a go with the flow type of thing.
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    Mavourneen29 said
    Who knows? At least I cannot say there is a particular time frame. It will all depend on those two guys. Could be weeks, could be months and just like that it can happen almost right away.


    Yep. Love has no schedule. icon_wink.gif
  • jackie8504

    Posts: 8

    Jul 26, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks saidIn between "clingy codependency issues guy says he loves you after the first date" and "wasting our time", how long is the appropriate "normal, stable, healthy" time for you to be just kind of dating a guy and having to introduce him as your friend to being able to have that talk where afterwards he's your boyfriend and you're exclusive....Weeks, months, give me a general number.
    i would give it at least 1 year.and then try liveing together.
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    listen bra! Jus ask the kid, so that u will know where u stand. This thing of having to clarify that u someone boyfriend is very odd to me. If u are fucking and say that u love each other then u are boyfriend and boyfriend.
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    2 years for me........
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    I don't think there's a magic number or length of time before that happens because it will vary on a number of factors, including what point you both are in life, mutual needs, expectations, etc.

    Speaking from the perspective of a father, I moved very slowly before crossing the line of exclusivity with my partner. We dated for a year before I felt comfortable knowing he was in it for the long haul. However, I have friends who have a new boyfriend every 4 months and one good friend who's been with the same guy for 8 years after being committed after only a month.

    Be a good judge of character and that will usually allow you to know when it's appropriate.
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    r-DOWNTON-ABBEY-MAGGIE-SMITH-large570.jp
    <span style=There shall be no utterances of the word "boyfriend" until you have dated (with chaperone) for a full six months. Then, you may ask the boy if he will wear your pin. If he accepts, you can arrange to meet his parents. One set of parents will invite the other set of parents for tea. These matters cannot be rushed! Doing so is very little above eating peas with one's knife, or placing bowling trophies on one's fireplace mantle."
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:30 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidAfter he swallows.


    hahahah.....
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:35 PM GMT
    If you know what you want and it's him then go for it. The term you use to identify him (like boyfriend) is less important than clarifying your level of commnment to each other (like being exclusive).
    If you are unsure, give it time (dates, convo, etc) so you figure out what kind of relationship you want.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 26, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    Easy.

    As a general rule, take the age of the youngest (for ages 15 through 34)start with the number 10, and multiply that by 1.2 to the nth power, where n=1 for age 15, and increases 1 for each additional year above age 15. That gives you the ideal number of days that should elapse before one can consider a BF/committed relationship. For ages 35 and up, again take the age of the youngest, start with the number 288, and multiply that by 0.95 to the nth power, where n=1 for age 35, and decreases 1 for each additional year above 35, to give the number of days that should first elapse.

    If only I could remember high school math (I certainly can remember the gay math teacher) I could have come up with a more precise formula.

    Of course this gives an approximation, and one might have to adjust for differing personalities.
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    Jul 26, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidAfter he swallows.


    Sounds like a deal breaker.
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    Jul 26, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    Kind of the issue I'm running into with the guy I'm dating now. We've been dating for over a month and its starting to feel like he just wants a friends with benefits kind of deal. Not something I'm interested in going after.
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    Jul 26, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    If there's no chance the guy you're dating is ever going to find out then I don't see any reason to ever bring up the fact that you have a boyfriend.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Jul 26, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    Depends on how much time you spend together, if its a few days every week and you both are into each other a month seems fine to me
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jul 26, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    10 years for me. For others, it could be their first date--there is no real time frame for what two consenting adults both agree upon. Don't let it bother you that you have to agree right now. If you are not both comfortable with that word yet, it's best to refrain from using it.
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    Jul 26, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    Once you agree to be monogamous, I think you are BFs. That should not be done too soon, because there is a lot to know about a guy.

    On the other hand, we date from about 5% of the total population, so if we find someone who we are sexually attracted to, who is good company most of the time, has a reasonable amount of time for you, and is interested in a monogamous relationship, then go for it. Give it a couple of months to see if the basics are there, and get over the "new guy sex".
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    Jul 27, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    I would say 3 months minimum Ry