Ugh, Where should I get started?

  • Avgguy89

    Posts: 55

    Jul 26, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    Alright so everyone has their story. For some, coming out is easy and everyone is pretty accepting, which is most often based on the kind of person and way they lived their life before sexual orientation came into question.

    Others have their hardships with judgmental families, friends and that ever so common eviction. I've seen people rise up and prove their independence and really redefine themselves and take control of their lives through this time of coming out too......

    which leads to me, who unlike either category, is somewhere stuck in the damn center. I feel completely clueless. Now seeing as I've always known, its always been quiet the emotional hassle hiding it, but externally its never been questioned by anyone so I suppose that I throw enough of a masculine vibe that I don't really have any red flags thrown up. I'm alright with that and at the moment, until I'm financially and emotionally willing to hit my family with that cold hard fact that their baby boy who was supposed to bring them "grandchildren"...is gay...Im alright with not being out at the moment.

    Now. My problem lies here. Because life has its funny little ways of really taking whatever plans you've thought you put together, and then lighting them on fire. I fell for this kid pretty hard. A kid at my college. Enough so that it really boosted my confidence level enough that I might want to start getting out a little bit more and actually giving this all a shot. But I don't know where to start. I mean, I don't know how to meet guys, or flirt with guys. With girls it was easy. If you smile at a girl and glance away or bump into them and say sorry and start a conversation, or get them a drink at a party...you can play that off. If you try doing that with a guy, it seems like it is an incredible risk that he is straight and most often, they are. Should I mall cruise? Or look for a gay bar in my town? I just feel lost.....I want to meet guys or at least have a better understanding of how to point them out in a crowd. Any advice would be incredibly appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    Are you looking to date or are you looking for a quick fix?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2013 6:50 AM GMT
    Pittsburgh is a big enough town to have a network of gay social groups, sports teams, coming out support groups, etc. If you're computer savvy enough to find RJ, then I'm sure you can find them. Good luck!
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Jul 26, 2013 7:12 AM GMT
    its definitely easier when you're out to meet guys, you sure your parents would be that upset? you can still have kids with a turkey baster!
    Hitting on guys without knowing they're gay or not is risky business i wouldnt go down that road xD
  • Avgguy89

    Posts: 55

    Jul 26, 2013 12:55 PM GMT
    Thanks guys.

    And my dads side is a brutally catholic family. A lot of judgement there. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship yet. I'm just looking to get better at meeting guys. Kind of just dipping my toes in the water before I dive in. I just don't know where to start. icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 1:29 PM GMT
    Grindr
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 26, 2013 1:47 PM GMT
    You're 24...Your family probably has some thoughts about you being gay...This realization should reduce your future gay stressing because when it's time to tell them, the shock factor will be reduced.Like the guy asked earlier do you want to pick up a guy just to get your nut off, or do you want to experience of a gay dating relationship? You're not clear in this ...Explain in depth what your looking for and others can give ya detailed advice. I come from a large catholic family..You say you feel you may be judged harshly by your father..You're still his son..Your gayness doesn't change that. Be a good son and let the chips fall where they may...Lastly, This shoulda..coulda..woulda..bullshit you're putting yourself through is going to keep ya in the same exact place until you start seeing all your positives and stop focusing on your negatives...That's all I got...I wish ya all the best man....Steve
  • Avgguy89

    Posts: 55

    Jul 26, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    All I can really do is apologize, I guess. I'm just going to fall short with clarity because I honestly don't know what I'm looking for. I kind of just feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere following a GPS that won't connect. No I'm not the type of person to just get my nut off.

    Yeah I'm 24. No, my family doesn't have the slightest inkling that I'm gay.

    I'm really not sure how to be more specific about a book that hasn't been written yet. But, For the most part, I understand what you're saying.

    I was just maybe looking for a few tips on ways to meet guys. Forgive my ignorance.
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    Jul 26, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    Avgguy89 saidAll I can really do is apologize, I guess. I'm just going to fall short with clarity because I honestly don't know what I'm looking for. I kind of just feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere following a GPS that won't connect. No I'm not the type of person to just get my nut off.

    Yeah I'm 24. No, my family doesn't have the slightest inkling that I'm gay.

    I'm really not sure how to be more specific about a book that hasn't been written yet. But, For the most part, I understand what you're saying.

    I was just maybe looking for a few tips on ways to meet guys. Forgive my ignorance.


    I think you're merely trying to catch up to the straight people that went through what you're going through now at a much earlier age. They had the approval of society and the media, a zillion stories of young men and women coming of age and exploring dating and romance without fear of condemnation, along with support by seeing their peers going through the same that they could share with. They also had a far far far larger demographic to explore.

    Thankfully there are now a plethora of movies dealing with young-men-gay-romance, self discovery and meeting others. I suggest simply meeting a lot of people, whatever their orientation and making friends. Among them you'll find other gay men, and others (who are not gay) will know gay men that you will eventually meet through them.

    Patience, young Jedi. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    Avgguy89 saidAll I can really do is apologize, I guess. I'm just going to fall short with clarity because I honestly don't know what I'm looking for. I kind of just feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere following a GPS that won't connect. No I'm not the type of person to just get my nut off.

    Yeah I'm 24. No, my family doesn't have the slightest inkling that I'm gay.

    I'm really not sure how to be more specific about a book that hasn't been written yet. But, For the most part, I understand what you're saying.

    I was just maybe looking for a few tips on ways to meet guys. Forgive my ignorance.


    Just pace yourself - there is no hard manual to go by, and your family knows, deep inside either your Mother or Father or a sibling knows they just have not utter it yet. Also read this...

    books?id=n_BubAIvMHkC&printsec=frontcove
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 26, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    Avgguy89 said

    I was just maybe looking for a few tips on ways to meet guys. Forgive my ignorance.

    DuluthRunner said it.

    Join gay organizations. And guess what, you will meet other gay guys. (like the Pittsburg gay film festival - reelq.org - looks like they may be having one in October.

    Go to gay bars - imbibe on a little alcohol to loosen up a bit - you will be an attraction, and other guys will want to meet you; Find Gay events in Pitssburg.
  • varsitybadboy

    Posts: 62

    Jul 27, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    Im in the same situation you are in. No one in my family knows, parents are big in religion, friends don't know and Im afraid somehow being "out" will affect my career. It sucks living this HUGE lie I go through everyday. Its getting more complicated because, like you, Im falling for a guy that simply will not return the same feelings; he is straight. Anyways, as of lately, I too have been going through the "ugh I don't care anymore if people find out" and I want to start talking or finding guys but don't know how to go about it. There are a couple of guys at work that I think could be but don't want to risk it. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to honestly meet someone real or for me is to first be completely honest with my self and those around me. Its hard, and I don't know if I am really, really ready for it.
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    Jul 27, 2013 7:28 AM GMT
    varsitybadboy saidIm in the same situation you are in. No one in my family knows, parents are big in religion, friends don't know and Im afraid somehow being "out" will affect my career. It sucks living this HUGE lie I go through everyday. Its getting more complicated because, like you, Im falling for a guy that simply will not return the same feelings; he is straight. Anyways, as of lately, I too have been going through the "ugh I don't care anymore if people find out" and I want to start talking or finding guys but don't know how to go about it. There are a couple of guys at work that I think could be but don't want to risk it. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to honestly meet someone real or for me is to first be completely honest with my self and those around me. Its hard, and I don't know if I am really, really ready for it.


    There's your answer, OP! Best wishes to you!
  • sheol76

    Posts: 7

    Jul 27, 2013 9:26 AM GMT
    Completely know how you feel, I ripped of the band aid with my parents after 36 years, they're upset and I don't really speak to them much, but I never did since age 16, so not much change. My dad is really upset though. I am starting to be more out with my friends, best mates have known forever although the only reason they guessed and asked is because I never date girls.

    As for meeting guys, totally in the same boat. Using all kind of online dating, but not the skinniest or most muscular guy now adays (not really fat either) but it seems that that is what the majority of guys online are looking for. Also my age seems to be against me and being in education and locally in my community doesn't help either.

    But I keep on going, don't care who knows, certainly don't lie to them and assume that one day I will get somwhere.

    Chin up man.