Are you embarrassed to be gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    Ok, so I am watching this show and two gay guys are getting married... how sweet I know... BUT I thought about me being up there, in front of family and friends including their friends and I think I would feel embarrassed.. especially with the kiss

    Do I want it.. Marriage... Yes one day but as of now..

    I guess it is because I am not openly gay to those around me now, so I haven't had that adjusting period. If I came out now and got a boyfriend I don't think I would be embarrassed around strangers to kiss or hold hands.. a little self conscious but I could handle it.. maybe.. maybe not..

    Anyways.. Your thoughts?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 26, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    It would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 26, 2013 5:24 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidIt would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love


    No, that's not true. When my bf and I get married, I'm going to be nervous about all the people there, and I do think being gay adds pressure to the whole thing. But not because of him!! I love him, and I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:28 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    AMoonHawk saidIt would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love


    No, that's not true. When my bf and I get married, I'm going to be nervous about all the people there, and I do think being gay adds pressure to the whole thing. But not because of him!! I love him, and I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. icon_razz.gif


    NICE! Is it happening or your betting on it?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 26, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    TheRece25 said
    HottJoe said
    AMoonHawk saidIt would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love


    No, that's not true. When my bf and I get married, I'm going to be nervous about all the people there, and I do think being gay adds pressure to the whole thing. But not because of him!! I love him, and I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. icon_razz.gif


    NICE! Is it happening or your betting on it?

    Both!! We've been living in sin for 8 years, and gay marriage just became legal in our state. We're planning on June 2014, which will be our ten year anniversary!!!icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:35 AM GMT
    Have you ever been to a wedding? I only went to one and I cried twice. One was when my aunt was walking down the isle: the music, incorporating everything about her. Her dress enveloping the lights and embracing her with a heavenly halo, the sun piercing through the mosaic windows cascading colorful, and pure white rays marking the trail to her beloved husband. And the second time was when they kissed. I think if you invite people who truly want to be there, and love both you and your husband, it will truly be magical.
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    You're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    TheRece25 said
    HottJoe said
    AMoonHawk saidIt would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love


    No, that's not true. When my bf and I get married, I'm going to be nervous about all the people there, and I do think being gay adds pressure to the whole thing. But not because of him!! I love him, and I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. icon_razz.gif


    NICE! Is it happening or your betting on it?

    Both!! We've been living in sin for 8 years, and gay marriage just became legal in our state. We're planning on June 2014, which will be our ten year anniversary!!!icon_smile.gif


    Amazing.. great for you... (that sounds so generic and stupid lol but REALLY!) icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    Mesmer saidHave you ever been to a wedding? I only went to one and I cried twice. One was when my aunt was walking down the isle: the music, incorporating everything about her. Her dress enveloping the lights and embracing her with a heavenly halo, the sun piercing through the mosaic windows cascading colorful, and pure white rays marking the trail to her beloved husband. And the second time was when they kissed. I think if you invite people who truly want to be there, and love both you and your husband, it will truly be magical.


    ummm 1 and I am sure it will be but... I dunno
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    Jul 26, 2013 5:49 AM GMT
    theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?


    Hmmm ya know I Actually have.... is public restroom sex still considered..... public?

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    Jul 26, 2013 6:07 AM GMT
    TheRece25 said
    theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?


    Hmmm ya know I Actually have.... is public restroom sex still considered..... public?



    lol I'm not sure. There may be a presumption of privacy. But in theory, it should still work.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jul 26, 2013 7:58 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    TheRece25 said
    HottJoe said
    AMoonHawk saidIt would only be embarrassing if you are not with the right guy ... if you feel em-bare-assed, you are not with the one you love


    No, that's not true. When my bf and I get married, I'm going to be nervous about all the people there, and I do think being gay adds pressure to the whole thing. But not because of him!! I love him, and I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. icon_razz.gif


    NICE! Is it happening or your betting on it?

    Both!! We've been living in sin for 8 years, and gay marriage just became legal in our state. We're planning on June 2014, which will be our ten year anniversary!!!icon_smile.gif


    Aww
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2013 8:02 AM GMT
    I seriously want to attend a gay marriage.
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    Jul 26, 2013 10:22 AM GMT
    TheRece25 saidOk, so I am watching this show and two gay guys are getting married... how sweet I know... BUT I thought about me being up there, in front of family and friends including their friends and I think I would feel embarrassed.. especially with the kiss

    Do I want it.. Marriage... Yes one day but as of now..

    I guess it is because I am not openly gay to those around me now, so I haven't had that adjusting period. If I came out now and got a boyfriend I don't think I would be embarrassed around strangers to kiss or hold hands.. a little self conscious but I could handle it.. maybe.. maybe not..

    Anyways.. Your thoughts?

    I can understand your concern, living in Durham, North Carolina. First time I was there was in 1971. I was a White boy, a US Army Sergeant riding a Harley, and I still didn't feel safe there, because I was from the "Noth" with my noticeable Yankee accent. Being a Black gay in Redneckville must be absolutely terrifying.

    Before you attempt anything like the public kiss in my profile pic (at a popular photo spot in front of a crowd of straights awaiting their own turn) you need to get the Hell out of there, and move to where rational people live.

    I kiss my husband all the time on the sidewalk of the town where we live and no one hardly notices, except maybe some tourists from North Carolina and similar backward places. And later this morning we leave for Key West, where not only will I be kissing my husband in public, but all of our male friends we'll be meeting there, as well.

    The acceptance of a public gay kiss is indeed an indicator of where you're living. If you want it to be taken for granted, as ordinary as a straight kiss, then you need to be living where that's the reality. And I doubt that place is gonna be North Carolina in either of our lifetimes.
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    Jul 26, 2013 11:28 AM GMT
    ricky1987 saidI seriously want to attend a gay marriage.


    +1
  • Amelorn

    Posts: 231

    Jul 26, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    I fully understand where the OP is coming from. If most of your family disapproves of your sexuality or finds you an attraction to point/giggle at, then putting on a show for a cavalcade of jackasses can be embarrassing.

    Imagine a wedding party. I would use my own hypothetical one.*

    Your friends are there. As they're your friends, they're OK with your sexuality and its expression.

    Your sibling(s). My sister would be A-OK.

    The parents. Can go either way. Mom (now deceased) would have adjusted. My die-hard Republican, gun-carrying dad would likely shoot my (un)lucky fiancée.

    Grandparents & their generation: Would be utterly scandalised. As a devout Catholic, (maternal) Grandma would have a huge moral issue with even attending. (maternal) Grandfather would be appalled..."just because."

    Aunts and Uncles: 1 set would also be scandalised. 1 set would quietly disapprove, but ultimately shrug their shoulders and find it in themselves to be happy that I'm happy. My gay uncle would find some reason to shit on everything (funny how that works).

    Cousins: 1 would find an excuse to miss, I would guess. The others would come for the "spectacle."

    And my family is from the NY metro area!


    *And this is why the thought of giving free food & alcohol (in the manner "traditional" American wedding reception) to these ingrates disgusts me.
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    Jul 26, 2013 1:54 PM GMT
    theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?

    I seriously wish I could. (not the public sex part icon_wink.gif )
    No matter how politically correct (political correctly?) people talk, I feel that they look at me as defective for being gay.
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    Jul 26, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter said
    theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?

    I seriously wish I could. (not the public sex part icon_wink.gif )
    No matter how politically correct (political correctly?) people talk, I feel that they look at me as defective for being gay.

    That took me a while to get over. To get over thinking I'm disappointing my family, like my grand- parents. And having to explain to strangers, who automatically assumed I was straight, got really tedious after the first couple of times. The more forthcoming I became about mentioning my man the easier it became and the less awkward it felt
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    bhp91126 said
    JohnSpotter said
    theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?

    I seriously wish I could. (not the public sex part icon_wink.gif )
    No matter how politically correct (political correctly?) people talk, I feel that they look at me as defective for being gay.

    That took me a while to get over. To get over thinking I'm disappointing my family, like my grand- parents. And having to explain to strangers, who automatically assumed I was straight, got really tedious after the first couple of times. The more forthcoming I became about mentioning my man the easier it became and the less awkward it felt


    Even people who present themselves as accepting of our rights might very well still see us as defective; so a gay man could pick up on that and have response.

    My douchebag xcousin, the perfect example of everything wrong in the world, though she'd champion gay rights, though she attended her gay brother's commitment ceremony before most gay people ever did even that, said to me: "you're gay because you didn't stay dead long enough to reincarnate as a heterosexual."

    Even without organized major religions directly influencing their scumbaggery, the bastids manage to slip into conversation--in perfectly politically correct ways, they think, all being fair in love, war and conveniently malleable spirituality--their overly inflated ego driven pseudo superiority attempting to put us down in what they see as our place.

    It's like someone insisting that you wear shoes that don't match your shirt. It's embarrassing.

    While pushing the envelop to make room for us, we try to live our lives as normally as the world allows. But even there we find conditioned obstacles, not necessarily homophobic-based. When I moved to my new area I just acted normally, how odd, being out of the closet for some 30something years and talking about my last position with a Fortune 5 and my last partner and how he died and my partner before that and how he died, telling people that I worked for a company not mine but how I buried men who were mine yet that's not what they heard.

    In their minds they heard that I buried my business partners. One neighbor was embarrassed that he had misunderstood me for about a year such that he came by the next day to offer me condolences.

    Maybe it isn't embarrassment that might cause our hesitation. I think we just get tired of their shit.
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    I've been to a few civil partnerships. Including my own.

    Wasn't embarrassed at all because we were surrounded by people we love and who love us.

    It was an awesome day. The sun was shining. Everyone looked amazing. Family and friends came from far and wide, incl two of my sisters from Australia.

    We still haven't put together the wedding album! It was nearly 4 yrs ago! So here's some friends shots from facebook...

    A pic from the stag party - we rented a holiday cottage in Cornwall
    4967_99673223003_4067648_n.jpg

    Here's our friends after the ceremony
    5933_1196922048905_4672889_n.jpg

    A nice reception shot
    5320_139657106904_8019851_n.jpg
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    Jul 26, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    TheRece25 saidOk, so I am watching this show and two gay guys are getting married... how sweet I know... BUT I thought about me being up there, in front of family and friends including their friends and I think I would feel embarrassed.. especially with the kiss

    Do I want it.. Marriage... Yes one day but as of now..

    I guess it is because I am not openly gay to those around me now, so I haven't had that adjusting period. If I came out now and got a boyfriend I don't think I would be embarrassed around strangers to kiss or hold hands.. a little self conscious but I could handle it.. maybe.. maybe not..

    Anyways.. Your thoughts?

    I can understand your concern, living in Durham, North Carolina. First time I was there was in 1971. I was a White boy, a US Army Sergeant riding a Harley, and I still didn't feel safe there, because I was from the "Noth" with my noticeable Yankee accent. Being a Black gay in Redneckville must be absolutely terrifying.

    Before you attempt anything like the public kiss in my profile pic (at a popular photo spot in front of a crowd of straights awaiting their own turn) you need to get the Hell out of there, and move to where rational people live.

    I kiss my husband all the time on the sidewalk of the town where we live and no one hardly notices, except maybe some tourists from North Carolina and similar backward places. And later this morning we leave for Key West, where not only will I be kissing my husband in public, but all of our male friends we'll be meeting there, as well.

    The acceptance of a public gay kiss is indeed an indicator of where you're living. If you want it to be taken for granted, as ordinary as a straight kiss, then you need to be living where that's the reality. And I doubt that place is gonna be North Carolina in either of our lifetimes.


    Actually the Durham Raleigh areas .. well all the areas around it, though there aren't many places that cater to homosexuals, do not discriminate against gays much.. its relatively safe.. there is even gay pride but its not big.
    I don't feel I would get any more stares kissing a guy than I would in any other gay friendly state...

    I'm not so sue about South Carolina.. I've been down their Many times and a good amount are still Racist so I can only imagine what they would think of a Black homosexual..