theantijock saidYou're too self-conscious. You need to desensitize yourself to what others think. Have you considered public sex?
I seriously wish I could. (not the public sex part )
No matter how politically correct (political correctly?) people talk, I feel that they look at me as defective for being gay.
That took me a while to get over. To get over thinking I'm disappointing my family, like my grand- parents. And having to explain to strangers, who automatically assumed I was straight, got really tedious after the first couple of times. The more forthcoming I became about mentioning my man the easier it became and the less awkward it felt
Even people who present themselves as accepting of our rights might very well still see us as defective; so a gay man could pick up on that and have response.
My douchebag xcousin, the perfect example of everything wrong in the world, though she'd champion gay rights, though she attended her gay brother's commitment ceremony before most gay people ever did even that, said to me: "you're gay because you didn't stay dead long enough to reincarnate as a heterosexual."
Even without organized major religions directly influencing their scumbaggery, the bastids manage to slip into conversation--in perfectly politically correct ways, they think, all being fair in love, war and conveniently malleable spirituality--their overly inflated ego driven pseudo superiority attempting to put us down in what they see as our place.
It's like someone insisting that you wear shoes that don't match your shirt. It's embarrassing.
While pushing the envelop to make room for us, we try to live our lives as normally as the world allows. But even there we find conditioned obstacles, not necessarily homophobic-based. When I moved to my new area I just acted normally, how odd, being out of the closet for some 30something years and talking about my last position with a Fortune 5 and my last partner and how he died and my partner before that and how he died, telling people that I worked for a company not mine but how I buried men who were mine yet that's not what they heard.
In their minds they heard that I buried my business partners. One neighbor was embarrassed that he had misunderstood me for about a year such that he came by the next day to offer me condolences.
Maybe it isn't embarrassment that might cause our hesitation. I think we just get tired of their shit.