i was cheated on, and it destroyed me. its complicated, but it was his way of passive-aggressively ending our long-term relationship without having to summon up the courage to have an adult conversation. as a result, i am hyper sensitive to cheating, and this is unfair to new guys i date. so i've had to learn to relax a bit and not take every cruise or passing glance as a personal attack on me. i believe that its possible to not cheat again, to learn from mistakes, and to set boundaries, so i agree with what others say.
if you're cheated on, you can take him back, but it will change how you see him. every unanswered phone call, unreplied txt message, hang out with other friends, late night at the office, new gym buddy, or facebook add can drive you crazy with suspicion. and you really don't want to be "that person" who is always looking over your partner's shoulder. so can you really let it go?
if you're the cheater, then you will have to try double or triple hard to win your partner back. you will have to live with the fact that your partner will be 2nd guessing your every move. you may resent feeling like a criminal with no reprieve. it will be hard for you to make new friends without explaining every detail of the interaction. you will be cautious of triggering arguments. and you may never feel like an equal in your own relationship.
sure, mistakes happen. we are human. the question is: can you live with the knowledge of what happened before, even if nothing were to happen in the future? i suggest we all remember that everyone has a past... other people, other loves, other hookups, other intimacies, and other baggage. and in the gay world, the potential for there to be MANY others is huge. it would take people with steely resolve, a lot of self-control, and zen-like patience for both.