Cheated on. Need advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    Hello,
    Im not too familiar with using forums for advice but could definitely use some!

    I have been dating this Guy seriously now over a year and we don't check one another's phones or whatever. We trust one another and love eachother.

    Just recently I found out he was fooling around with a very attractive man online sending eachother pictures and messages that degraded me.

    Without going on quote for quote he basically told this man how much sexier he was compared to me and that if I ever caught them in action in person he wouldn't stop having sex with him.

    It completely changed my views on him and even myself.
    I recently got a personal trainer to help build muscle on my small frame so that I can look better or at least comparable to this other man.

    I've become very insecure and question his motives more.

    we decided to continue our relationship and even though I keep a lot of this to myself I need to know what I can do to get passed this.

    I do love him but I need help!

    Thanks guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    NEXT!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    honestly i have to say if i was you i'd leave him, i know you said you love him but he disrespected you, I couldnt continue with someone who has disrespected me like that.
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    Jul 28, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    No one should ever make you feel insecure, if you want to build muscle, that's great, but don't do it to look like another guy and please someone who insulted you. I think you should have let him go, but since you decided to stay, you really need to gain some self-confidence and not let him make you feel insecure.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jul 28, 2013 10:06 PM GMT
    DTMFA. Dump the mother f*cker already. icon_mad.gif

    There is nothing about you that you need to change except for the douche bag you're seeing.
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    Jul 28, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidDTMFA. Dump the mother f*cker already.
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    Jul 28, 2013 10:12 PM GMT
    No one deserves to be with someone like that.
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    Jul 28, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    I would dump the guy as he isnt the right one for you. First off making you feel insecure and disrespecting you like that makes it pretty black and white in my opinion. Secondly, he's just playing you so why not cut to the chase and stop wasting your time with him you can and deserve better.

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    Jul 28, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    Move on, I am pretty sure there are more fellas out there that won't treat you badly.
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    Jul 28, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    rywboy saidI would dump the guy as he isnt the right one for you. First off making you feel insecure and disrespecting you like that makes it pretty black and white in my opinion. Secondly, he's just playing you so why not cut to the chase and stop wasting your time with him you can and deserve better.



    It definitely felt black and white at the time.
    I was so mad I dumped him then he came back trying hard to get me back and other than that our relationship was one of the best I've had.

    He inspires me to be better and want more from life which is something I've lacked in previous relationships.

    He told me he was just a fantasy and it wasn't real and I believe him kind of. I want us to work I really do. If he was an absolute scumbag it would have been easy to walk away but its not black and white for me now.

    Its even been really good since we've been back on. Sex is weird and I feel like that's understandable on my end at least. He wants it all the time but I just feel so useless now with sex and I don't know how to change that train of thought.

    I want to have my cake and eat it too!
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    Jul 28, 2013 10:58 PM GMT
    You sound kinda like a battered wife: "he's really great when he's not beating the crap out of me..."
    If the sex is odd, it's probably not going to get better as you will always be second guessing yourself and if you measure up, no matter how much you build up your body. You are making excuses for him, but you deserve better.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:00 PM GMT
    I feel for you. I'm normally tolerant of indiscretions, but he bad-mouthed you too. If you want to try to stay together, at least keep your eyes open. I suspect he will do this again whether or not you bulk up. You are sexy already.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    Anomalous1 saidYou sound kinda like a battered wife: "he's really great when he's not beating the crap out of me..."
    If the sex is odd, it's probably not going to get better as you will always be second guessing yourself and if you measure up, no matter how much you build up your body. You are making excuses for him, but you deserve better.

    This...OP, you gotta move on. Anyone who makes you feel insecure about your body is not worth it. And honestly, you have no reason to be insecure. You are a hottie!!
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    "we decided to continue our relationship..."

    So I'm assuming by this statement you talked to him already? Remember when he said he would not stop seeing this guy if you found out? Sorry to be blunt, but dude....you're almost 30 years old. You should know better. I'm more troubled that you're having to ask for advice than what he's done.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    Was it understood that you were mutually exclusive? Not that that's so important after being disrespected like that.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    This is the easiest "dump him" I've ever said. If you have any self-respect, you'll never talk to him again.

    No need for assholes in your life, much less asshole "lovers."

    Adios!
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    Dump his ass right now. He's a dick bag without any class.

    And now for song to make you feel better

  • Fargo

    Posts: 144

    Jul 28, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    Don't listen to what the others are telling you. Some guys do fucked up things only to regret it later. Try to talk to him and see where it goes.

    Source: I fucked up before and my BF forgave me. We moved on beyond that and have a decent relationship now.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:18 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said"we decided to continue our relationship..."

    So I'm assuming by this statement you talked to him already? Remember when he said he would not stop seeing this guy if you found out? Sorry to be blunt, but dude....you're almost 30 years old. You should know better. I'm more troubled that you're having to ask for advice than what he's done.


    No I don't mind blunt. It's not easy asking this advice by any means. Up until now I've experienced all kinds of relationship highs and lows with men and.women. I've never ever been cheated on.
    I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me it'll get better with time.
    both parties are committed and I have called guilty of watching porn and fantasizing about those men in the videos.

    I'm not at all making excuses for what he did. It was a huge low blow and its definitely shattered me in a way I've never experienced and being 30, 40 or 50 shouldn't be a indicator on needing advice during trial periods of our lives.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidWas it understood that you were mutually exclusive? Not that that's so important after being disrespected like that.


    Oh yea we were definitely exclusive.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidDump his ass right now. He's a dick bag without any class.

    And now for song to make you feel better



    Haha this. Thank you.
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    Fargo saidDon't listen to what the others are telling you. Some guys do fucked up things only to regret it later. Try to talk to him and see where it goes.

    Source: I fucked up before and my BF forgave me. We moved on beyond that and have a decent relationship now.


    Thank you. That's what I want to read is hope!
  • deep388

    Posts: 859

    Jul 28, 2013 11:25 PM GMT
    Show him the door...but not before:


    tumblr_m1qx69pmji1r7r1l7o1_400.gif
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    Jul 28, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    ddobson85 said
    Fargo saidDon't listen to what the others are telling you. Some guys do fucked up things only to regret it later. Try to talk to him and see where it goes.

    Source: I fucked up before and my BF forgave me. We moved on beyond that and have a decent relationship now.


    Thank you. That's what I want to read is hope!


    STOP...


    Your case was different. His current man degraded him and is being emotionally abusive and manipulative. That guy is actively going after other men. What that guy needs is big helping of a whoop ass and a giant dumping

    And Dobson...It is not what you want to hear...Seriously its almost the same as women who go back to their own dysfunctional relationships.

    Take care of your mind and body. Its normal to go through heartache and there will be further bumps down the road...However your scenario is indicative that you will go through major pot holes unless you take another road....


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    Jul 28, 2013 11:35 PM GMT
    ddobson85 said
    Scruffypup said"we decided to continue our relationship..."

    So I'm assuming by this statement you talked to him already? Remember when he said he would not stop seeing this guy if you found out? Sorry to be blunt, but dude....you're almost 30 years old. You should know better. I'm more troubled that you're having to ask for advice than what he's done.


    No I don't mind blunt. It's not easy asking this advice by any means. Up until now I've experienced all kinds of relationship highs and lows with men and.women. I've never ever been cheated on.
    I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me it'll get better with time.
    both parties are committed and I have called guilty of watching porn and fantasizing about those men in the videos.

    I'm not at all making excuses for what he did. It was a huge low blow and its definitely shattered me in a way I've never experienced and being 30, 40 or 50 shouldn't be a indicator on needing advice during trial periods of our lives.



    You didn't answer my question.