Mind blowing, out of this world sex; meh connection- what to do?

  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Jul 29, 2013 2:42 AM GMT
    I guess i know the answer to this one, but i can use a different point of view.

    We met two years ago, and sex was as amazing back then as it has been this time around. Back then, we spent two weekends together. By the second weekend, i started to consider whether i wanted to pursue this guy. I felt that our world views didn't quite compliment. I don't need to like the same things or have the same interests (actually, i prefer if my partner brings some new things to my life), but i need to connect with the person i'm in a relationship with- the kind of connection where you laugh, gaps and sigh together. That wasn't happening between us back then. Not only that, by the second weekend he started to become kind of clingy, and excessively accommodating. I respect a guy with a strong point of view, and he didn't have one. That being said, he was beyond sweet and treated me like a king. Anyway, i let it fizzle, and eventually didn't hear back from him again.

    Until a month ago... He is in the area working (like last time around) and when he messaged me, my mind went straight to the sex- the rest is copy and paste from the paragraph above. Now we've spent two weekends together (again), and I'm realizing why i didn't follow up the first time around.

    I dont want to be a douche and let it fizzle. It's not in line with how i am. And then theres a part of me thats wondering if what i think i want in a relationship and what i really need is the same thing... thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2013 2:53 AM GMT
    It's the sex that's clouding your judgement.

    ..You hit the nail on the head.

    What i think i want in a relationship and what i really need is the same thing.

    Please take into consideration that you are probably changing.

    'What worked for you then V.S. What works for you now'
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    Jul 29, 2013 3:05 AM GMT
    Clearly, you don't think this is a relationship worth pursuing. Why torture yourself (and him) over it? You can't go into a relationship and be wishy washy about it.

    Be honest with him. "Hey, sex was great but I don't really want an actual relationship...etc etc." If you let it fizzle like you did last time then you're just a cowardly d-bag. Case closed.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jul 29, 2013 3:16 AM GMT
    I'm confused. He doesn't live in your area (was there on work for a short time), but you might have had a relationship with him (if you were compatible)? A long distance relationship?

    That he is not a relationship possibility should not preclude annual (less frequent?) weekend sexual affairs, as long as you like each other. But Icebuckets is right on, in that you should be clear with him if he is hoping for more, that it's not going to happen.

  • neon_tiger

    Posts: 145

    Jul 29, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    We never pursued it, and the relationship convo has never happened. He's in NYC, which is about 2 1/2 hours from me- so it wouldn't be hard to make work distance wise. BUt he's about 45 min away right now (and then). And i know from his actions that he's creating an expectation of a relationship- thats why i feel the convo needs to happen sooner than later. You're right guys- its pretty plain and simple. I just get this stupid notion that ive created a false expectation, but in reality i haven't express verbally any interest in pursuing this any further. I do pick him up, host him, drive him back, cook for him... so, yeah, that might be a mixed message icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2014 7:32 PM GMT
    Curious where you are with this