RELATIONSHIP ISSUES...KINDA SORTA...WHATEVER JUST HELP ME, PLEASE :)

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    Nov 11, 2008 9:28 PM GMT
    Hey Guys! I thought I put up a more interesting and personal problem I'm having in a forum. I'm personally not one for labels on sexual identity because I like what I like, but I've made a connection with this guy I like. We only met three times and have talked via e-mail, but the third time we actually sat down and talked a little to get to know each other a LITTLE BETTER. We had plans to go out to the movies that same night, but he was with his contractor and wanted to take a rain check, all of this was on October 23, 2008 mind you.

    Since he moved, he really hasn't had time to check out the e-mails I sent him. In fact the last text message I got from him was on November 6, 2008. I was happy to hear back from him, but now the communication seems a bit strained. I'm not afraid to talk with him, but even when we spoke before the conversations between us never really seemed to flow back and forth with ease. This concerns me because I like him and he says he likes me.


    I can really use some advice if anyone out there is willing to take some time out to read and respond to the forum. I'll also update if anything significant happens. Thanks icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 11, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    let's see, he bailed on your only attempt to go out...he has moved (where? how far?)....he has only sparsely been in contact since...and now it seems strained.....there's nothing to this, my friend, I am sorry to say. He isnt really interested. Leave it to him to follow up with you and in the meantime, move on.
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    Nov 11, 2008 9:50 PM GMT
    Are you referring to this forum thread or another?

    But from the sounds of it, he has moved on and so should you. Someone who likes someone else doesn't do those things.
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    Nov 11, 2008 9:51 PM GMT
    Ditto Caslon's comments.
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    Nov 11, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    You seem like a nice guy, and you deserve to be treated better than this. Unfortunately one of the things gay men learn early on, is that some gay men are well "flighty". One day they seem interested to get to know you, the next time you talk to them their mind is somewhere else. Chances are this is a learning experience for you. There are lots of other guys out there (especially in New York) that I am sure would be happy to get to know you.
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    Nov 11, 2008 10:44 PM GMT
    I know moving does take some time to set up wireless but you have exchanged numbers...so he has access to you. Maybe the move is taking longer than expected...Who knows. But dont put all your eggs in one basket. Dont stop your normal routine. Do you!!!! If he calls....Great but dont put your life on hold.
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    Nov 11, 2008 10:50 PM GMT
    I agree with what others have said. I had kind of a similar experience a while back..We did meet though and he went to visit me when I was living in HI..I was to visit him a month later and right before I went to see him in L.A..he started getting distant. When I got to L.A things were not the same as they were back in HI. He was distant, the conversation flow was pretty bad...

    Well, I found out he was not only with me but with at least two other guys.

    When a guy starts acting like you describe, that means he's got someone else. Also when you say that the conversations you had never flowed very well, that is a red flag. I'd say move on, he's not the only man out there..trust me. For what I read, you seem to like him a lot but I am sure you will find someone who you like even more and likes you back.
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    Nov 12, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    Thanks for your responses so far guys, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to comment.

    I get what you're saying, I just wish that instead of reading between lines that people who aren't interest in you would just be man/woman enough to tell you. In this case it can't just be because he's afraid of hurting my feelings. If he really lost interest in me that is.
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    Nov 14, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidI know moving does take some time to set up wireless but you have exchanged numbers...so he has access to you. Maybe the move is taking longer than expected...Who knows. But dont put all your eggs in one basket. Dont stop your normal routine. Do you!!!! If he calls....Great but dont put your life on hold.
    Do you think I should contact him via phone? I would still like to get in touch with him, but you're right I shouldn't put my life on hold.
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    Nov 14, 2008 9:02 PM GMT
    tryingtolive saidThanks for your responses so far guys, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to comment.

    I get what you're saying, I just wish that instead of reading between lines that people who aren't interest in you would just be man/woman enough to tell you. In this case it can't just be because he's afraid of hurting my feelings. If he really lost interest in me that is.


    He may have had a bad experience in the past trying to break the news. Maybe he said to a guy that he was not interested, and then got bombarded with 20 questions on "why"? Some guys go a bit psycho when you tell them you just want to be just friends. That is one reason why I avoided one-night stands if I could. It could get pretty messy at times.
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    Nov 14, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    I'd just cut my losses. Busy=excuse for being thoughtless if he does like you, or not wanting to date you but not wanting to tell you. Either way it's probably not someone you want to be with. Leave the phone alone, if he wants to talk, he'll call. If not, there are plenty more guys where he came from.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 14, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    When it comes to telling if someone is "into" you ... you need to listen on two levels
    What someone SAYS doesn't always tell you what they mean
    If the correspondence seems strained there's a reason why it feels strained
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    Nov 14, 2008 10:33 PM GMT
    Move on. You deserve better.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Nov 14, 2008 10:40 PM GMT
    You are so right, it sounds like he doesn't have the balls to break up with you. He lacks spine and he wants you to break up with him. His attitude is so "he's-just-not-that-into-you," I'm sorry to say.

    I agree you deserve better. You should totally call him out on his cowardice for not breaking up with you when it's obvious by his attitude that it's what he wants. Yes, call him -- none of this texting or email. If he doesn't call you back (if it goes to VM) after a couple of attempts, then leave a voicemail.

    Break up with him and don't look back, look forward.
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    Nov 15, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    GQjock saidWhen it comes to telling if someone is "into" you ... you need to listen on two levels
    What someone SAYS doesn't always tell you what they mean
    If the correspondence seems strained there's a reason why it feels strained
    I never thought of it like that. Its funny because we actually talked about what we would like from each other; whether it was just a fling or relationship. But just because he said he was looking for a relationship it doesn't mean he necessarily wanted to be in one with me, no matter how much we enjoyed each others company.
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    Nov 15, 2008 5:35 AM GMT
    tryingtolive saidThanks for your responses so far guys, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to comment.

    I get what you're saying, I just wish that instead of reading between lines that people who aren't interest in you would just be man/woman enough to tell you. In this case it can't just be because he's afraid of hurting my feelings. If he really lost interest in me that is.


    WHAT? You mean men actually just say what they are/aren't feeling? You're asking too much, my friend!

    Sorry for the sarcasm, but prepare yourself for this. It's everywhere!

    Apparently some men still believe they are monkey's instead of humans with an extensive ability to communicate. I say we throw pooh at them!

    But, you know, I'm not bitter or anything! LOL icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 15, 2008 5:44 AM GMT
    looknrnd said
    tryingtolive saidThanks for your responses so far guys, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules to comment.

    I get what you're saying, I just wish that instead of reading between lines that people who aren't interest in you would just be man/woman enough to tell you. In this case it can't just be because he's afraid of hurting my feelings. If he really lost interest in me that is.


    WHAT? You mean men actually just say what they are/aren't feeling? You're asking too much, my friend!

    Sorry for the sarcasm, but prepare yourself for this. It's everywhere!

    Apparently some men still believe they are monkey's instead of humans with an extensive ability to communicate. I say we throw pooh at them!

    But, you know, I'm not bitter or anything! LOL icon_wink.gif
    LOL..you don't have to apologize for the sarcasm icon_smile.gif Thanks for responding though. I just really wished it wouldn't have turned out this way. I would still like to be friends with the guy provided if he ever wants to talk to me icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 16, 2008 10:59 AM GMT
    hey.
    Yeah, ur situation happens a lot with men. I think.
    Not that it makes it any easier.

    A lot of men don't know what they want, and if they decide for whatever reason they don't want to pursue a relationship with you, they don't have the backbone to tell you. So they just drop off the planet.

    I would say u def deserve better and there are men (not many lolz) that will tell u what's what.
    Just, I mean keep self respect, dont' get down on urself or call him back.
    Just try to move on and someone better will come along.

    Also, it could be that, he just wanted sex and realized u were not that type of person and then just went to where he could get some.

    Hope that helped possibly. Best of luck.

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Nov 16, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    I had a similar experience. I met this guy online and he was quite persistent on chatting with me and flirting. We eventually traded email pictures with each other, (mine PG rated his PG with a few XXX mixed in). We worked up to exchanging cell numbers and quite a few long conversations on the phone. I finally decided to take the leap and meet him. I asked him to meet me at a restaurant on a holiday knowing that the both of us did not have to work that day. He said he was excited to finally meet. Well I texted a few times to make sure that the 'date' was still on. I never heard from him nor did I see him online. Against my better judgment, I went to the meeting place at the time we agreed upon. I waited about 30 minutes then I called and messaged him. He finally text back that he was called into work on an emergency. He worked at a mortgage company and this was before the economic crisis. I decided to back off on chatting with him. After numerous attempts by him to contact me, I finally decided to talk with him again. He told me that he started to date another guy and it was all my fault for not acting sooner. icon_rolleyes.gif He kept on asking me if I was upset. I told him that I cannot be upset over someone I never met. I think it was just a big game. I guess we live and learn!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    Men always know what they want they just don't have the balls to say it.

    He's not into you. Move on.
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    Nov 16, 2008 11:23 PM GMT
    exercise20 said hey.
    Yeah, ur situation happens a lot with men. I think.
    Not that it makes it any easier.

    A lot of men don't know what they want, and if they decide for whatever reason they don't want to pursue a relationship with you, they don't have the backbone to tell you. So they just drop off the planet.

    I would say u def deserve better and there are men (not many lolz) that will tell u what's what.
    Just, I mean keep self respect, dont' get down on urself or call him back.
    Just try to move on and someone better will come along.

    Also, it could be that, he just wanted sex and realized u were not that type of person and then just went to where he could get some.

    Hope that helped possibly. Best of luck.

    Thanks a lot. I was talking to a new friend I met on RealJock, "looknrnd", and he told me "I personally have a three attempt and three week rule. If you've made three attempts within the last three weeks and he still hasn't made contact, he's just not going to. If that's the case, you've got to accept it and move on. He could surprise you, but don't build any hope on that. Just move forward for yourself."

    I always to try to be as open and as grammatically correct as possible. I was thinking of sending him another mail or text this week. Let me know what you think. This was the last e-mail I sent him, it was on November 12, 2008:

    "I hope your move has gone well, if your not already finished moving. I've been preoccupied with my night job and unfortunately I've hit a snag. I have to attend a quality class to reassess my job skills or I'll be terminated. Its ironic that I'm hanging on to a job I don't like to sustain income that I need.


    Anyway. school is going well because I'm enjoy the work I'm doing in class. I hope you have a good day tomorrow."




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    Nov 17, 2008 5:59 AM GMT
    RSportsguy saidI had a similar experience. I met this guy online and he was quite persistent on chatting with me and flirting. We eventually traded email pictures with each other, (mine PG rated his PG with a few XXX mixed in). We worked up to exchanging cell numbers and quite a few long conversations on the phone. I finally decided to take the leap and meet him. I asked him to meet me at a restaurant on a holiday knowing that the both of us did not have to work that day. He said he was excited to finally meet. Well I texted a few times to make sure that the 'date' was still on. I never heard from him nor did I see him online. Against my better judgment, I went to the meeting place at the time we agreed upon. I waited about 30 minutes then I called and messaged him. He finally text back that he was called into work on an emergency. He worked at a mortgage company and this was before the economic crisis. I decided to back off on chatting with him. After numerous attempts by him to contact me, I finally decided to talk with him again. He told me that he started to date another guy and it was all my fault for not acting sooner. icon_rolleyes.gif He kept on asking me if I was upset. I told him that I cannot be upset over someone I never met. I think it was just a big game. I guess we live and learn!
    Games aren't always fun to play. Thank you for your response. I guess I have to live and learn..then get LUVS lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2008 1:59 PM GMT

    Hey tryingtolive,

    here's something for you, really old, but so are we....heheh

    BETTER LOVE
    "I'm your friend, you can talk to me
    I read your face, I see misery
    So the one you love has left you dry
    Don't start believing that you're gonna die
    Just pick your heart up off the floor
    And try, try again.....

    You'll find better love next time, baby
    Don't give up and I know you're gonna find
    Better love next time, baby
    Someone will be waiting down the line
    With better love, better love, better love, better love next time

    Sometimes it's better to let it all go
    I've been there and I think I should know
    So have a good cry, wash out your heart
    If you keep it inside it'll tear you apart
    Sometimes you lose but you're gonna win
    If you just, if you just keep hanging in

    Better love next time, baby
    Don't give up and I know you're gonna find
    Better love next time, baby
    Someone will be waiting down the line
    With better love, better love.....next time"

    and here's the music vid...




    a hug from us -us!
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    Nov 17, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    A few points:

    Being flighty is not the exclusive domain of gay men and I kind of resent the inference. Straight people do it too.

    Sometimes, men need a good kick in the ass and repeated pushes to get things going. We are all busy and occupied with other obligations and sometimes loose sight of what can be important or promising. Remember though, there is a big difference between being persistent and stalking/being a pest.

    Stop with the emails and text. Get the digits. Does anyone remember what it means to actually talk anymore? Shooting the breeze? Hearing his voice?......and yes, it's normal to have awkward moments or be nervous. That's part of the charm.

    Have a plan. Invite him to something fun. Offer to pay for dinner. Suggest something he may enjoy. Do not hint or talk about having sex.

    Don't be afraid of being rejected. If he absolutely is not interested, push him to SAY THAT. You won't fall apart and he may learn a valuable lesson in direct communication and honesty.

    Everybody is always bragging how they don't like to play games, so work it man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2008 8:33 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidA few points:

    Being flighty is not the exclusive domain of gay men and I kind of resent the inference. Straight people do it too.

    Sometimes, men need a good kick in the ass and repeated pushes to get things going. We are all busy and occupied with other obligations and sometimes loose sight of what can be important or promising. Remember though, there is a big difference between being persistent and stalking/being a pest.

    Stop with the emails and text. Get the digits. Does anyone remember what it means to actually talk anymore? Shooting the breeze? Hearing his voice?......and yes, it's normal to have awkward moments or be nervous. That's part of the charm.

    Have a plan. Invite him to something fun. Offer to pay for dinner. Suggest something he may enjoy. Do not hint or talk about having sex.

    Don't be afraid of being rejected. If he absolutely is not interested, push him to SAY THAT. You won't fall apart and he may learn a valuable lesson in direct communication and honesty.

    Everybody is always bragging how they don't like to play games, so work it man!
    Thanks KissingPro! I got a text from him last night, but I didn't receive it or send a response until this morning. I actually called his phone and it went to voicemail, so I did the sensible act, and I left a message. I didn't mention anything sex related, but I did tell him to call me back and for him to have a good day. I think I did the right thing by actually calling.