How do you feel about dating a guy with children?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2007 11:53 PM GMT
    What do you think about dating a guy with children?

    I have joint custody of my daughter and my boyfriend just loves her.

    I found it was a real turn off for some guys.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Mar 20, 2007 1:26 AM GMT
    ...interesting question...

    ...in my 20's and early 30's I don't think I was ready to take on dependents of someone else [I could barely take care of myself]...but as I have gotten older, more financially stable, and emotionally mature, it would be much less of an issue...

    - David
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    Mar 20, 2007 1:34 AM GMT
    Interesting topic, since I'm hurling myself out into the dating world again. It's a very different feeling to be shopping not just for myself, but for someone who will enjoy being a part of my son's life.

    No one will replace my ex as my son's "Papa", but anyone in my life will not only want to have a child in their life, but a child with special needs.

    But as a friend of mine wisely said, "That's way too much to put on someone you're meeting for a movie and a beer." Point taken. I need to take things slowly.

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    Mar 20, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    Looking forward to it. :-)

    Adoption here I come!
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    Mar 20, 2007 1:45 AM GMT
    My first concern is for the children. I don't have any objections about dating a man with children but I will always be very mindful of how it is affecting them, ensuring that I am not introduced into their life too soon, that the transition is made gradually, and that my couple is on solid footing before the children are added to the mix. What I am trying to say is that when you commit to a relationship where children are involved, you can't do it lightly. It's more than your feelings at stake then, it's theirs as well.
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    Mar 20, 2007 3:18 AM GMT
    considering the fact that i'm 25...depends on how old the kid is! Ha Really though, I have no problem with dating someone with kids.
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    Mar 20, 2007 3:32 AM GMT
    I was with a guy for 5 years who had a boy in middle school at the time, and I've dated other fathers (sometimes divorced) as well. I think guys with kids are better grounded than single guys, and are generally more responsible. But then I'm looking for LTR material. If you're looking for a short-term thing they might not be as fun, because I've never found them to be the bar-hopping type.
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    Mar 20, 2007 5:31 AM GMT
    Personally, I have no problem with it. But I've only "chatted" with guys who have kids. Every time we try to set up a date, there is a problem with the kids and the date gets cancelled. Even up to five minutes before the date, after I've driven an hour to get there. For me, it's something that's just not happening.
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    Mar 20, 2007 5:51 AM GMT
    I think it would be totally and truly fantastic.
  • MarkX

    Posts: 101

    Mar 20, 2007 2:11 PM GMT
    There is nothing sexier than a man who is a loving, committed dad.
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Mar 20, 2007 8:11 PM GMT
    I have a nephew, and that's enough. If it's only sometimes and NOT that he had full custody of the child, maybe I'd be willing to adjust. But I am sure that I do not want to be a parent or stepparent fulltime.
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    Mar 20, 2007 9:46 PM GMT
    i wanted to comment even though i am a dad so i hope it's ok.

    i'm not generalizing, but for me, the only men i have dealt with who did have a problem with children turned out to be highly self-centered individuals.

    before i became a dad, i was the same way with other people's kids. i wanted the attention and i had no tolerance for children and all that they require.

    I have a son. he's 10, and he knows i am gay.

    as of today, my son readily accepts who i am with because he trusts me, as he should.

    being a dad is the greatest thing that has happened to me. i learned that i really can love another person unconditionally... or even want to.

    i know how i used to be before fatherhood, and other people who knew me then still thank my son for being here...i know, sad but true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2007 9:58 PM GMT
    I never previously dated a guy with kids, but my partner and I adopted a little girl (now turning three). She is amazing and wonderful (and, truthfully, a bit exhausting sometimes... grin).

    Some of our gay friends basically dropped us after we adopted, but we've more than made up for it by meeting other great gay guys who love kids. I'm really happy to see how many gay dads on this site have kids. So cool! Check out FamilyPride.org. This is a great advocacy organization for LGBT parents with kids.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2007 5:33 AM GMT
    For me, it will be a difficult situation because you still have to bond with the children. But what if the child doesn't like you. I don't like dealing with complications. I know I have to face but as long as I can avoid then I would.
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    Mar 25, 2007 12:53 AM GMT
    Thanks for that great link Triguy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 5:54 AM GMT
    When I first came out in my early 30's I actually preferred seeing guys with children. At the time I already had 4 nieces and a nephew and always loved children and young people.

    In my 20's I was very interested in a divorced woman with a 13 year old who I could tell really looked up to me.

    As I came out I think I was realizing that I would not likely have children of my own, so I thought the idea of getting involved with a guy with children would be really cool. I also thought guys who had children might be more stable, responsible, and caring.

    So to answer your question, I think there might be more guys than you think who would see it as a plus. And somehow I suspect a guy who would rule out someone with children just MIGHT be a little immature or shallow (possibly) anyway.
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    Mar 25, 2007 6:03 AM GMT
    If I didn't state it strongly enough .. lol .. I would consider it an HONOR to date someone willing to LET ME share in the responsiblity, care, and life of his children. Consider if you were dating a guy and at some point he gives you a key to his place ... it would be a great issue of trust ... well what about sharing the life of his children? I would treasure it!
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    Mar 25, 2007 3:31 PM GMT
    There are a number of guys out there who have issues dating a man with kids...even if the kids are adults and not living in the same home...and I think I have chatted with a great number of them...but then I pull out the big guns and tell them I am also a Grandfather...and watch them run away screaming. HAHAHA..its always fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2007 4:02 PM GMT
    I love kids and do everything I can for them. However, I don't think I'm Dad material. My life puts a huge stress on that. A different life and it would be more possible.
  • hotversguy

    Posts: 155

    Apr 06, 2007 3:28 AM GMT
    I always seem to come back to this, but I couldn't say until it happened. It wouldn't preculde anything, that's for sure.

    Unless the kid was better at World of Warcraft. It could never work then.
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    Apr 06, 2007 4:38 AM GMT
    I think in my thirties ill be interested. But for now, its not a turn off, but I'm not ready for a family.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    May 15, 2007 3:11 AM GMT
    I have an 11 y/o daughter who lives with her mom, most of the time.
    I haven't really seen many guys turned off by the fact that I have a kid. Most guys are actually very supportive and accomidating.
    Someone posted, sorry forgot their screen name, that guys with kids are more mature and have it together.... true in most cases. I happen to be a big ol' kid myself, so depends on how you look at it. I live everyday for my kid. Every decision I make is made with her in mind. So that means, no drugs and safe sex. If I'm dating someone, I even ask myself if that guy someone I would want to introduce to her.
    Hope my input helps.
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    May 15, 2007 3:44 AM GMT
    It's all good. I agree with several of the guys on here. They do seem more grounded and it means something more watching them spend time with their children. If you want to say there's sorta a turn on about it, I guess there's that as well. Not to compare children with pets... but hey, walking the dog in the park... what can I say...there's an attraction.... lol
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    May 15, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    I personally have never seen children as part of my future, its the truth- ask my folks. From early ages I always said I'm not having kids. At the ripe age of 26 that opinion has not changed, nor do I see it really happening-

    For my own personal reasons I'm sure I'd fantastic 'Uncle Michael' but a very mediocre 'dad.
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    May 15, 2007 2:56 PM GMT
    I think dating a guy with a child for me is something I would have been interested in. However from my past experience in dating one I would make sure they are not closeted to their family. It really doesn't matter how much they claim they are out, they should be comfortable at some point to be open with their kids/family etc. Second thing I would watch out for is obsessive love for their kids to such an extent you can be only a secondary person in the guys life. I mean when the home is filled with massive portraits of your daughter, and snapshots all over the home...its a bit too much.