So new, so lost. Help me!!!

• lostboy101
  
  Posts: 24
  
  
  Aug 04, 2013 8:26 AM GMT

  Hi guys (and any girls on here)
  
  I'm a young guy who's recently just accepted that I have same sex attractions towards men and I really want to go out and meet a guy, have fun/relationship etc but...
  
  I have low self esteem. And I'm not talking standard insecurities everyone has, I'm talking ridiculously low self esteem resulting from BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). Every day is hell. I've been to counselling for it last year and I'm probably gonna end up in more counselling for it soon. It's knocked my confidence so much I don't even know how to be happy anymore.
  
  People tell me I'm not bad looking but obviously with all I've been through I just don't believe it. I am really skinny though and I find myself strangely being attracted to men that are bigger and muscular. I really doubt any of those beautiful muscular guys would ever want a guy like me. I just feel so inferior and like I'd disappoint him
  
  So why come on these forums? Because I'd like to hear from any other gay/bi guys who've overcome their own insecurities and found the man of their dreams or at least found a guy to make them happy. Because I have so many questions. Do opposites ever attract, does a skinny guy like me have a hope in hell with a big guy, does skinny really equal ugly? And honestly I'm on here because I don't wanna feel so alone anymore. I just wanna connect with other people who might possibly understand what I'm going through and maybe learn something.
  
  Sorry for the long post, just wanted to tell my story a little bit. Can any of you answer any of my questions above from your experiences and should I even be considering dating at all with all the emotional baggage I have??
  
  ps; I don't have any pics cause I'm not fully out and as mentioned above I'm MEGA insecure.
  
  Thanks in advance xx
  

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• MikemikeMike
  
  Posts: 6932
  
  
  Aug 04, 2013 8:47 AM GMT

  I think you will be fine, and you answered your own question. Before you date you should work on a few of the issues you have. Even Rupaul said "if you don't love yourself how the heck do you expect someone else to?" Something like that.
  Yes some men like smaller partners. Many prefer lean to skinny. I like a man with muscular legs and a butt. That is just me and I am just one guy. I do believe there is someone out their for everyone.
  Also if you begin a work-out program, you can change a body a lot easier and with less pain than the face.
  
  I don't believe in surgery for any cosmetic reason unless it is for someone who feels they were born the wrong sex and they have been evaluated and recommended for reassignment surgery.
  
  Good luck and be well.

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  Aug 04, 2013 9:44 AM GMT

  
  
  First of all, u r not in problem at all .. just u need to trust in yourself
  
  I'm skinny than u & i'm sure about that but i trust in my self & u should
  
  first date i was worried not coz i'm very skinny it was first meeting so i will deal with gay guy that i don't know him yet
  & he is older than me over 25 y lol .. also my english was bad
  
  i tell this guy before meeting him that i'm very skinny & i don't care if he dont like me >> he is muscular body
  so when i meet him i like him & he liked me so much ,, to be honest i didn't expect that
  now he is my best gay friend
  
  i meet many guys with different body type & different minds most of them like me so much & want me to be a bf of him
  but actually i live in difficult culture that gay life not accepted & make it hard for me
  
  
  be sure that dealing with guys mind is difficult than their bodies
  
  well try to treat all this shit on ur mind before u treat ur body ( i don't see ur body as big problem )
  
  sorry if my english still bad lol & really wish u goodluck
  
  
  
  

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• lostboy101
  
  Posts: 24
  
  
  Aug 04, 2013 5:22 PM GMT

  MikemikeMike said
  Also if you begin a work-out program, you can change a body a lot easier and with less pain than the face.

  
  
  Um, so are you trying to say my face is terrible but screw it, might as well just focus on the body?
  
  If that's what you mean then WOW...I'm staying single forever LOL
  
  I agree with you I need to work on the inner me to though.

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• lostboy101
  
  Posts: 24
  
  
  Aug 04, 2013 5:37 PM GMT

  Sorry, I almost forgot @dude4dudee
  
  Thank you for your comment! Nice to hear you found a good guy and you two are still friends. That's cool, gives me hope lol

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  Aug 04, 2013 6:00 PM GMT

  lostboy101 said

  MikemikeMike said
  Also if you begin a work-out program, you can change a body a lot easier and with less pain than the face.

  
  
  Um, so are you trying to say my face is terrible but screw it, might as well just focus on the body?
  
  If that's what you mean then WOW...I'm staying single forever LOL
  
  I agree with you I need to work on the inner me to though.

  
  
  
  He hasn't seen your face! Don't put words in his mouth. (So let me do it !LOL) I think what he is saying is working on your body can give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. It's something you can control in a positive way. Your face you have to grow into and learn to like for yourself.
  
  When I was 19 I was real skinny. I graduated from HS @ 139 lbs (or was it 129?)....So long ago it isn't me anymore! I barely remember that kid. We all evolve. Give yourself a break, allow change. I joined a gym then. I was attracted to muscles as much as anyone. Maybe more ;-) "If you want to beat em, join em", I said. I jumped for joy when I broke 150! A younger body responds very quickly. (Even at 57 a new gym work out plan is giving noticeable result).
  
  Even some Muscle guys like skinny boys. I remember dating a PE major at the U of M, and he was BUILT! But I had been working out for 2 years by that point.

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• lostboy101
  
  Posts: 24
  
  
  Aug 04, 2013 6:12 PM GMT

  unckabasa said
  (Even at 57 a new gym work out plan is giving noticeable result)

  
  
  Dude, you look damn good for 57, major props! I'd love to join a gym cause obviously that's the quickest way to get to where I need to be but I'm WAY too self conscious. Never say never but I just know now I can't do it.
  
  I'm gonna start working out at home first to build up my confidence. I can't be happy skinny, I've tried believe me I have.
  
  Obviously being skinny doesn't totally rule out ever getting a really amazingly hot muscular guy but I honestly think being bigger myself will give me way more hope.
  
  I'm so new to this whole gay thing and tbh, I have a lot of preconceived ideas of how incredibly shallow most gay men are. Don't all jump on me! I'm just keeping it real, not saying I'm right.

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  Aug 04, 2013 7:29 PM GMT

  lostboy101 said

  unckabasa said
  (Even at 57 a new gym work out plan is giving noticeable result)

  
  
  Dude, you look damn good for 57, major props! I'd love to join a gym cause obviously that's the quickest way to get to where I need to be but I'm WAY too self conscious. Never say never but I just know now I can't do it.
  
  I'm gonna start working out at home first to build up my confidence. I can't be happy skinny, I've tried believe me I have.
  
  Obviously being skinny doesn't totally rule out ever getting a really amazingly hot muscular guy but I honestly think being bigger myself will give me way more hope.
  
  I'm so new to this whole gay thing and tbh, I have a lot of preconceived ideas of how incredibly shallow most gay men are. Don't all jump on me! I'm just keeping it real, not saying I'm right.

  
  
  Thanks.
  Don't ever worry about starting at a gym! Find one that you feel comfortable in. Chuz Gym in San Diego, for example, has a "No Attitude" and "Everyone has to start somewhere" Policy........also no grunting, dropping weights, etc. Great for a Beginner or a Body Builder. There's always someone bigger and stronger, but there's always someone skinnier, fatter, younger, weaker and older too! They are all there for the same reason: to be a better version of themselves.
  
  Are we shallow? Aren't you the one who wants a Hot Body for desert? LOL. And YES I can be! My being Gay goes back to my best friend I fell in love with in Jr H/HS, he was a real jock, Captain of the Track and Cross Country Team. I was the Artsy type....we had nothin in common except humor, friendship and mutual respect. Remember that, sometimes I forget!

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  Aug 05, 2013 3:25 AM GMT

  You need patience and a lot of introspection, not on how others think of you.
  The world is rude to anyone, especially for those who are nice. Once you accept that, it doesn't look as bad as you previously feel, because you'll begin to ignore the rudeness once you realize and accept this simple fact.
  I wish you all the best.

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