How long did you have to date a guy before you knew you loved him?

  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Aug 04, 2013 10:25 AM GMT
    3-4 months? A year? The first date? I only ask cause I've never been as consumed by the guy I'm currently with and I'm just wondering what most of you slu-guys have experienced in your own romantic lives.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 04, 2013 10:40 AM GMT
    aww you're 20.icon_smile.gif

    It's like the love for a puppy-everything is cute in the beginning until he grows up to be a dog and humps everything in sighticon_idea.gificon_idea.gif

    For me it takes time if we're talking love.icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 04, 2013 12:02 PM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks said3-4 months? A year? The first date? I only ask cause I've never been as consumed by the guy I'm currently with and I'm just wondering what most of you slu-guys have experienced in your own romantic lives.

    I always knew on the first date, or even first meeting, if I really liked a guy and wanted to see more of him. If love came it was later, a little different time with each guy, but at about 6 months of steady dating on average. Enough time to get to really know him, and decide if our feelings for each other were mutual and genuine.

    The fastest was 2 weeks, I really fell hard for this guy, the proverbial love at first sight, and that was a 1-sided mistake. Plus I made the error of telling him and it spooked him. Turns out he wasn't the marrying kind anyway, despite being mid-50s like I was, when a lot of guys want to settle down. So while I continued to date him in hopes he'd change, and I actually grew more in love with him, I finally had to give up and not waste any more time on a useless quest.

    He still hasn't had an LTR 9 years later, whereas I've been in one for 6 years since leaving him, so I don't think the problem was entirely with me, other than my misjudging him with my heart instead of my head. Which may illustrate a risk in falling in love too quickly, before you know a guy better, and are sure there's really a future for you with him.
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    Aug 04, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    I have a scale I work on. If I'm the one chasing then obviously I need to feel a connection, but if I'm being chased then:

    after 3 weeks: need to feel something for him.
    after 3 months: that feeling needs to have grown
    after 6 months: still need to be happy
    after 9 months: there needs to be progress in both his and my life.
    after 1 year: celebrate

    repeat.

    This seems to work well for me.

    So after 3 months I need to start loving him. There after it needs to develop with time.
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    Aug 04, 2013 3:45 PM GMT
    I think time certainly has something to do with it but I think it has more to do with how you and that person interact with each other day in and day out. Things that you do together, what you say to each other, the way you look at each other, how much you think of each other, how you feel with that person when you're around them, etc. This will give you a pretty good idea if you love this person or not.
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    Aug 04, 2013 4:10 PM GMT

    I knew I loved you before I met you..
    I think I dreamed you into life

    I knew I loved you before I met you
    I have been waiting all my life..



    *well that's what I was kareoke-ing yesterday.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 04, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    With my long term man (now separated..again) I knew by the second date he could be a "keeper". About 3 months after we met I admitted (to myself) that I have fallen deeply in love with him.

    5 years later we have separated, perhaps for the last time, but part of me still loves him.
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    Aug 04, 2013 5:52 PM GMT
    so you've been cheating on me......
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    Aug 04, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    rnch saidWith my long term man (now separated..again) I knew by the second date he could be a "keeper". About 3 months after we met I admitted (to myself) that I have fallen deeply in love with him.

    5 years later we have separated, perhaps for the last time, but part of me still loves him.

    First I heard. You really broke up with him? Sorry this didn't turn out after all. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 04, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    I know when I meet someone if they're a keeper. The love part kicks in when I imagine them being hit on by someone else (and don't like it). Could be 10 minutes, could be a month. Depends on the chemistry.
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Aug 04, 2013 6:05 PM GMT
    I was with someone that I thought was monogamous for 5 years and he thought monogamy was a type of wood. When I caught him pants down, that ended that.
    My friends took me out to drink and dance the night away and met this guy who was Greek like myself and in our first conversation we both knew it was different.
    28 days later, we moved in and it's been 15 years this august.

    I think it just happens at any time, 1 day, 1 month 1 year. You just know. Love doesn't discriminate against age or time. Its timeless.


  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 04, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    As long as it takes..I don't set time limits on love and passion..Time limits fuck things up sometimes...
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    Aug 04, 2013 8:05 PM GMT
    Sometimes You can love someone before you even know it.
    FOr me, When i start to WANT to take care of them when they are sick, or I find myself making sacrifices for their well being...Thats When I know I've fallen.

    Timeframe? The shortest is 2 weeks. The longest was...8 years. Then I realized I love him after he left me.