To the guy asking 'why do gay men never show up?'


  • Aug 04, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    I had to respond to this, because lately these pre-arranged hookups I see on these boards crack me up; these men really expecting all this is going to work out just as planned and poof - nothing happens. Pull up a chair 'cuz this gets long.

    I'll be respectful and not name names, but someone here asked a question on why it's so hard for men to find other men to do whatever it is it that they're looking for, and here's all I can tell ya...we only make up make 2-4% of the population (those who are actually out and acknowledge they're gay, take that down a point or two). You're looking at a very, very, very small number of people. And within that small number of people, as you're sitting in the comforts of wherever, you're probably thinking of the best looking, youngest, in shape, most emotionally stable people in the best of times. Gay men are not those people. A life long of rejection, inferiority complexes, withholding of affection, no dates, never being held, touched, or knowing love; understanding, discovering a community of other gay people who couldn't give a flying fuck about them unless they look like a college athlete and are between 18-21, and have money, a car and a place of their own, you might as well be the elephant man.

    That's what 'equality' has gotten gay men. The right to happily reject and tell each other how they're not good enough and run along while I check out the next profile that might be worthy of my time. We are full of flaws, fat guys, hopeless addicts, old men, homeless drunks, high school dropouts, married men, closet cases, guys with no money or car, etc., yet we expect the best, the youngest, the best looking without question and right now. Then we get mad when we 'make that connection' on here or some app on our iphone and the guy never shows up.

    He was never real to begin with, guys! It's your fault because you've helped create this gay society of you're a nobody unless you fit this narrow vision of what perfection means, of men who are usually not gay to begin with, and if they are, they're more than likely expecting someone even better looking than themselves. And sexual compatibility? Forget it. For every 99,999 guys there will only be 1 top. So for those who are expecting that too, forget it. Unless you're willing to pay someone to put up with you, I don't know why you bothered to venture out.

    Gay men are, hands down, the most vicious, nasty, sexually unfulfilled people on the planet. They want what they want, how they want it to look, right now. If you're not it, then get out of the way. That's why we have so many suicides. That's why we have so many addictions. Nobody can find someone to love them for who they are (what a crock of shit coming out is - be yourself and the gay community will accept your differences - bullshit) so they turn to drugs and alcohol because at least substances can't reject you (until you can't afford or find them anymore).

    I'll close with how ironic is it...that there's never been an easier time for gay men to find each other, date each other, meet on their own terms and in some places get married. Yet when you really get to know people and stop and look around none of this is happening. We don't know what we are doing. We don't trust one another. Gay people not only dislike each other, they hate each other. We seem to do best when we get off to pics of straight college jocks. The minute we expect to find other gay men that meet up to those standards, only to find out there are no such gay men, life really starts to suck.

    Don't expect any of these guys to show up and get as hot and worked up about you as you seem to be about them. Don't expect to find a boyfriend and get married someday. It doesn't work like that between two men. Don't expect to find a real 'top' unless you're willing to pay for it. Most of all, if coming out means you're going to lose very important things in your life - then don't come out. These gay people aren't going to be there when you're alone at your worst in the middle of the night. You gotta do what's right for you, and that's all I gotta say about that.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Aug 04, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    toronto647 saidI had to respond to this, because lately these pre-arranged hookups I see on these boards crack me up; these men really expecting all this is going to work out just as planned and poof - nothing happens. Pull up a chair 'cuz this gets long.

    I'll be respectful and not name names, but someone here asked a question on why it's so hard for men to find other men to do whatever it is it that they're looking for, and here's all I can tell ya...we only make up make 2-4% of the population (those who are actually out and acknowledge they're gay, take that down a point or two). You're looking at a very, very, very small number of people. And within that small number of people, as you're sitting in the comforts of wherever, you're probably thinking of the best looking, youngest, in shape, most emotionally stable people in the best of times. Gay men are not those people. A life long of rejection, inferiority complexes, withholding of affection, no dates, never being held, touched, or knowing love; understanding, discovering a community of other gay people who couldn't give a flying fuck about them unless they look like a college athlete and are between 18-21, and have money, a car and a place of their own, you might as well be the elephant man.

    That's what 'equality' has gotten gay men. The right to happily reject and tell each other how they're not good enough and run along while I check out the next profile that might be worthy of my time. We are full of flaws, fat guys, hopeless addicts, old men, homeless drunks, high school dropouts, married men, closet cases, guys with no money or car, etc., yet we expect the best, the youngest, the best looking without question and right now. Then we get mad when we 'make that connection' on here or some app on our iphone and the guy never shows up.

    He was never real to begin with, guys! It's your fault because you've helped create this gay society of you're a nobody unless you fit this narrow vision of what perfection means, of men who are usually not gay to begin with, and if they are, they're more than likely expecting someone even better looking than themselves. And sexual compatibility? Forget it. For every 99,999 guys there will only be 1 top. So for those who are expecting that too, forget it. Unless you're willing to pay someone to put up with you, I don't know why you bothered to venture out.

    Gay men are, hands down, the most vicious, nasty, sexually unfulfilled people on the planet. They want what they want, how they want it to look, right now. If you're not it, then get out of the way. That's why we have so many suicides. That's why we have so many addictions. Nobody can find someone to love them for who they are (what a crock of shit coming out is - be yourself and the gay community will accept your differences - bullshit) so they turn to drugs and alcohol because at least substances can't reject you (until you can't afford or find them anymore).

    I'll close with how ironic is it...that there's never been an easier time for gay men to find each other, date each other, meet on their own terms and in some places get married. Yet when you really get to know people and stop and look around none of this is happening. We don't know what we are doing. We don't trust one another. Gay people not only dislike each other, they hate each other. We seem to do best when we get off to pics of straight college jocks. The minute we expect to find other gay men that meet up to those standards, only to find out there are no such gay men, life really starts to suck.

    Don't expect any of these guys to show up and get as hot and worked up about you as you seem to be about them. Don't expect to find a boyfriend and get married someday. It doesn't work like that between two men. Don't expect to find a real 'top' unless you're willing to pay for it. Most of all, if coming out means you're going to lose very important things in your life - then don't come out. These gay people aren't going to be there when you're alone at your worst in the middle of the night. You gotta do what's right for you, and that's all I gotta say about that.


    I agree with the bolded but I think most gay men mean well and are usually good people, they just get caught up in all the bullshit and labels and pretty much everything you said.
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    Aug 04, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    You started off encouraging us to be realistic, but then you turned it into a bitter rant. You definitely need to explain why you included old men in your list of flaws. Did you mean old men who expect to hook up with young hotties?
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    Aug 04, 2013 9:07 PM GMT
    toronto647 saidTo the guy asking 'why do gay men never show up?'

    I always find it easier going with the assumption that most gay men are flaky.