I wish There was a class to take on approaching someone you find attractive.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 04, 2013 8:02 PM GMT
    I have never successfully approached someone I liked and been gratified with a date or a coffee or a meal. Not once.

    SOme reason I always choose the guy that has ZERO interest in me LOL

    Even on Smart Phone apps like grindr or scruff, I either come on WAAAAY to strong or the opposite.

    This seems to happen to anyone else out there? Tips? Experiences?
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    Aug 04, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    If you're talking about IRL approaches, I try to let the situation guide me. And also what I've gathered from his body language, and any other "intelligence" I've gleaned from his overheard words, observed actions, etc.

    I try to make the approach seem natural, matter-of-fact, unforced, almost "organic" to the setting, attempting to make my words to him appear totally in keeping with the moment. And so therefore I look for that moment, even create it if necessary.

    One of my favorite techniques is the helpful tact, either offering assistance or requesting it. There are infinite possibilities at a bar.

    (Guy sits down next to you) "Hey, how's it goin'? Do you need me to move down a place?" His answer tells you if he's gonna be there alone, or might be cruising or otherwise glad not to be sitting next to you, and tells him that you likely ARE alone.

    (You sit down first, order, look at the TV for a moment) "Hi! You watching the game? [on the bar TV] Who's playing?" Whatever his answer, you may be able to bridge that into your sports likes, or dislikes, and his.

    Or maybe it's CNN coverage on the screen, and you make a comment on some news item. Point is, get the guy talking about something in your shared surroundings, whether in a bar or at the Macy's counter. Then, when you feel he's comfortable talking with you for a bit, and only then, introduce yourself. "BTW, I'm Bob. How are yah?"

    There are dozens of other techniques. Naturally you'll find a great many guys are not going to be interested in you, either because they're already taken, or because they AREN'T taken with YOU. So what? You keep making the attempt, and eventually you strike paydirt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    Be yourself.. walk up and say hello..
    What's the worst thing that can happen ?
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:10 AM GMT
    JDR62 saidBe yourself.. walk up and say hello..
    What's the worst thing that can happen ?


    Rejection. lol.

    For some, I know it can be traumatic and embarrassing.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    sharpcrayon1989 said
    JDR62 saidBe yourself.. walk up and say hello..
    What's the worst thing that can happen ?


    Rejection. lol.

    For some, I know it can be traumatic and embarrassing.


    Rejection ? From someone you do not even know.. Or who will not spend the time getting to know you..
    Umm.. that's called a blessing my friend.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    Show them your licky flexy pic and they'll be yours forever.
  • toastvenom

    Posts: 1020

    Aug 05, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    JDR62 said
    sharpcrayon1989 said
    JDR62 saidBe yourself.. walk up and say hello..
    What's the worst thing that can happen ?


    Rejection. lol.

    For some, I know it can be traumatic and embarrassing.


    Rejection ? From someone you do not even know.. Or who will not spend the time getting to know you..
    Umm.. that's called a blessing my friend.


    well it really isn't about them as a person. what the rejection is telling u is that someone your type (physically) isn't attracted to u. That sucks, makes doing it the next time harder cuz u've been knocked down a peg.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Aug 05, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    It's called charm school.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:43 AM GMT
    RowdyRugby saidThis seems to happen to anyone else out there? Tips? Experiences?
    Start with a metaphor: do you eat at such-and-such-a-restaurant because:
    1. The restaurant (management/owner) approached you and told you it would be a good idea to eat there?
    2. You walked by the restaurant and it smelled and looked good?
    3. A friend recommended the restaurant to you and you decided to try it out?
    4. You're fucking hungry and anything you can cram in your mouth will do?

    You'll likely not take option 1, unless it comes with a coupon, free samples, etc. Basically you'll be turned off by a restaurant desperate enough to cold call you.

    You'll possibly take option 2, if you get out and about. You've gotta be in its vicinity, though, to make that connection.

    Most likely you'll take up option 3. A friend's endorsement is much better than one from the restaurant directly, and you'll be drawn close enough to encounter option 2.

    With option 4 you're basically so hungry and you fear nothing will be open at this time of the night. You're not there because you want to be; you're there because you have to be.

    OK, in the metaphor, YOU are the restaurant. The cold call (option 1) seems to be your technique. Even if you sound perfect (they like sushi, for instance) something feels off about it--why is this the first they've heard of this place, what are the reviews, will they get salmonella?

    Options 3 & 4 are your best bet. Get a friend to help (or find someone who's really fucking horny and willing NOW). If the friend (at a party/bar/library/rally) introduces you to someone--just casually, no pretenses--the "customer" can smell your, you know...menu...and see how appetizing you are without feeling the pressure to buy anything. You can be warm, inviting, casual...start things off with a drink...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    LJay saidIt's called charm school.



    flavor-of-love-girls-charm-school.jpg?d=
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    I believe Youtube has a few good videos for that. (Not sure, but it seems to have videos for everything)

    But every time I've ever made the first move, it never ended well. I'm kind of in the same boat.
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    Aug 05, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    Your really hot - I cant imagine it could be that difficult. For us more average joes - its a real challenge/ struggle icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 05, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    sweatwrestle saidYour really hot - I cant imagine it could be that difficult. For us more average joes - its a real challenge/ struggle icon_confused.gif



    I agree it is hard!! Average joes! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    If you keep trying, you'll find some guys will be receptive to you, it's just about trial and error. And sometimes, it pays to let yourself be approached, if you carry yourself well and keep up an approachable persona, you can attract some good guys.
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    Aug 05, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    RowdyRugby saidI have never successfully approached someone I liked and been gratified with a date or a coffee or a meal. Not once.

    SOme reason I always choose the guy that has ZERO interest in me LOL

    Even on Smart Phone apps like grindr or scruff, I either come on WAAAAY to strong or the opposite.

    This seems to happen to anyone else out there? Tips? Experiences?


    From your previous posts, I have a feeling that the type of guy you go after is not going to be attracted to guys who look like you. It's an interesting conundrum... to not be attracted to other guys who look like you while also seeking guys who are least likely to be attracted to "you". The only thing I can say is knock on as many doors as you can and leave them cracked instead of shut....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    Do it!

    What have you got to lose? My boyfriend and I met on a street corner.
  • Papadopoulos

    Posts: 65

    Oct 08, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    I'm kind of a shy person at times, but I've never actually had a problem with this. The first time doing this I approached the hottest guy in a club and he was instantly into me, I guess I just got really lucky. icon_biggrin.gif

    But anyway, my advice would be to just be yourself and try and strike up a conversation with him as a normal person and not come on too strong or be weird or anything, and definitely don't make any sexual hints to someone you don't know, it's a turnoff. Also have friends with you, male or female but preferably female so there will be no competition.

    The worst thing that could happen is that he shows no interest in you and which point you start doing the same and forget about him, go find someone else and hell, maybe he'll be jealous.

    Hope that helps.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Oct 08, 2013 12:15 AM GMT
    A more serious answer than before: Just try being around people and getting along with no expectations of them. Learn to be comfortable. Watch for people who seem to be successful at social contacts and see what they do.

    You want to avoid people having to decide whether they like you or want to be around you. Keep it neutral and let things develop. Then, if something does happen--a conversation or the offer of a drink or whatever--play it low pressure. It is great to be interested but you want to put the other person at ease by talking about them or something neutral.

    Just stuff to think about. For god's sake don't do it all at once!
  • Manarii2281

    Posts: 148

    Oct 09, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    LJay saidA more serious answer than before: Just try being around people and getting along with no expectations of them. Learn to be comfortable. Watch for people who seem to be successful at social contacts and see what they do.



    This is so true. I am trying to get myself out there socially wise and have many of the same issues the OP does. I try to observe what others do and try to figure out what exactly they do to get up there socially wise.

    I was at a bar (Bacchus) a few weeks ago alone, before 7 pm when 'the crowd' has not yet arrived and I sat at the bar. Maybe 3-4 people scattered along it. There were 2 tables behind me with 2-3 people each. This guy walks in alone to the bar, nice average looking, average but no way fat body. He sits at a table alone. Then gets up and walks to one of the other tables with his drink and introduces himself. Just says "Hi, I'm Ken. Just wanted to introduce myself". The table was receptive, said hi back and small talk ensued, he was from out of state, they talked about that. They eventually invited him to sit down. I was floored. Absolutely floored. And when I saw him walk in, I was hoping he'd talk to me ! (But I certainly wans't going to approach him - nor did he select me! ).

    What I got from that was:
    -You have to put out an effort to get. Whether it 's a nod, a smile, or something bold like that guy did and walk up and take charge. Doubtful anybody would think "Did you believe that guy walking up to us and saying hello? What a weirdo".
    -Strive to be the giver in those situations. It will eventually pay off. I have issues with this but I'm trying.
    -People ARE generally receptive to the possibility of making friends. Some may want thier own space at the time or want to be 'with' that person they will, but you'll get the hint and change direction.

    The OP is handsome and the type I would think "You're kidding, nobody asks YOU out?" But I rarely get approached either. Im 6'3", dark features, probably look disinterested,when in fact I'm just a bit nervous and worried of rejection, so I know at times I have to open the door (even if they don't come in at all). Things I am trying to work on. And yes, I too on those apps are either way too strong or way too weak.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    1. Dont look at him again and again, before the conversation starts...
    Acts naturally. Dont express your intention at a sudden!
    .
    2. Identify his weakpoint, from what he says... Emphasis on listening instead of talking... Give him more freedom to talk! It wil give u more time to think, whats next, and to know his weakness!
    .
    3. Try to act enjoying what he says, even you did'nt feel so!
    .
    4. The above steps are really handy... Try this and good luck!
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Oct 09, 2013 5:48 PM GMT
    DarkLight said
    RowdyRugby saidI have never successfully approached someone I liked and been gratified with a date or a coffee or a meal. Not once.

    SOme reason I always choose the guy that has ZERO interest in me LOL

    Even on Smart Phone apps like grindr or scruff, I either come on WAAAAY to strong or the opposite.

    This seems to happen to anyone else out there? Tips? Experiences?


    Maybe because you're not really attractive and from observing your "interest" in white men only, I could see why you get turned down so much. "Mirror check" skin color and facial features.


    If there were such a class, you better diversify if you hope to pass. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Bingo.I don't understand when people complain about not finding someone when they single others out because of their race...Go somewhere else with that shit.
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    Oct 09, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    CopperDevil said
    LJay saidIt's called charm school.



    flavor-of-love-girls-charm-school.jpg?d=


    Sign me up! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    RowdyRugby saidI have never successfully approached someone I liked and been gratified with a date or a coffee or a meal. Not once.

    SOme reason I always choose the guy that has ZERO interest in me LOL

    Even on Smart Phone apps like grindr or scruff, I either come on WAAAAY to strong or the opposite.

    This seems to happen to anyone else out there? Tips? Experiences?


    wow, that is my life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    I really don't think your approach matter.

    With gay men, they are either attracted to you or there not.

    If they're attracted to you, could can have the personality of a bot fly and you will get a response

    If the physical attraction isn't there, what you do from that point on has no influence at all over the situation.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Oct 09, 2013 6:55 PM GMT
    If they did make a class for it, it definitely would make it more easier... icon_smile.gif
    Bu with that said, I think the best thing you can do is keep trying. Not everyone is going to find you interesting but you never know, the next person you ask might actually like you and it would be worth it. So just keep trying icon_smile.gif