What your partner needs vs what he wants. Obviously, you want to provide both but how would you know what your partner wants within the relationship and from you?

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    Aug 05, 2013 5:34 PM GMT
    I just got out of a relationship with someone I love very much. I knew I provided all the things he needed from from me such as my love, commitment/loyalty,support, and always made myself available whenever he needed me. I always showed interest in him and made it known how much I care for him. However, I must have not given him what he desired/wanted otherwise we would still be together. We had in dept conversations on what we expected from each other. Should I have known or asked what he desired or wanted from me as well? I would love some helpful, serious advice especially from you guys who are currently in a serious relationship or have experience. Thanks.
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    Aug 05, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    You stated "we had in dept conversations on what we expected from each other" but then you're asking what he desired/wanted from you. What am I not understanding with your question? Your in depth conversation should've covered what you wanted to know.
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    Aug 05, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    Nouveau_Debut saidI just got out of a relationship with someone I love very much. I knew I provided all the things he needed from from me such as my love, commitment/loyalty,support, and always made myself available whenever he needed me. I always showed interest in him and made it known how much I cared for him. However, I must have not given him what he desired/wanted otherwise we would still be together. We had in dept conversations on what we expected from each other. Should I have known or asked what he desired or wanted from me as well? I would love some helpful, serious advice especially from you guys who are currently in a serious relationship or have experience. Thanks.

    Unless you're telepathic, this is highly unlikely without communication. You say you two had in-depth conversations about expectations from one another, so as long as you were honest with him, allowed him to be honest with you and kept lines of communication open you can't blame yourself. Sometimes no matter what you do it just won't work out, and sometimes it's purely the other guy, not you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 05, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    Sometimes it is just chemistry. You can't make love happen. I've often heard you must work at it for it to have a chance but to this day, I'm not quite sure what that work entails. I've been with my partner for six years and the "work" seems to mainly be to not give up when you or he or both of you are really, REALLY are mad at each other. Or sometimes just really tired. But in the end, the love has to be there, to come rushing back when you get over some incident of anger. I find a lot of the issues couples have are just the feeling of being unappreciated or insufficient in some sense. I do know one thing, you must truly respect the other guy, his goals, motivation, earnestness. And this must be mutual. "I get him." "He get's me."
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    Aug 05, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    Ok.. I understand every word in your opening post.. but some how i'm still confused.

    Now were you two dating?.. Or was this serious?
    Did you date briefly?..Or were you two together for a while?

    Knowing what an individual wants as opposed to what they need is when you can say you really know a person!

    and what about you?..
    Were you getting what you needed/wanted?
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Aug 05, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    Ah, it seems you may be missing that classic inability to communicate. A prized thing in all relationships of many forms.
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    Aug 06, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidOk.. I understand every word in your opening post.. but some how i'm still confused.

    Now were you two dating?.. Or was this serious?
    Did you date briefly?..Or were you two together for a while?

    Knowing what an individual wants as opposed to what they need is when you can say you really know a person!

    and what about you?..
    Were you getting what you needed/wanted?


    We were dating for just over a year. It was very serious. I was very much happy with him...I love him just as he is. So yes, he gave me what I needed and much more.
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    Aug 06, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    conservativejock saidAh, it seems you may be missing that classic inability to communicate. A prized thing in all relationships of many forms.


    Our communication was very solid up until about a couple months ago. It all just fell apart so fast and hard. I was the only one putting forth the effort in this department for the most part.
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    Aug 06, 2013 9:34 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Nouveau_Debut said[/cite

    Our communication was very solid up until about a couple months ago. It all just fell apart so fast and hard. I was the only one putting forth the effort in this department for the most part. [/quote]

    Ahh ... I see..
    The rug was pulled out from under you.
    That's awful!

    .. Sounds like he intentionally let things.. "Fizzle Out"

    The best you can do is move forward..
    If he cared enough.. He would have worked it out!
    Hugs
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    Aug 06, 2013 10:46 AM GMT
    Anocxu said[quote][cite]Nouveau_Debut said[/cite

    Our communication was very solid up until about a couple months ago. It all just fell apart so fast and hard. I was the only one putting forth the effort in this department for the most part.


    Ahh ... I see..
    The rug was pulled out from under you.
    That's awful!

    .. Sounds like he intentionally let things.. "Fizzle Out"

    The best you can do is move forward..
    If he cared enough.. He would have worked it out!
    Hugs [/quote]

    I agree...thanks.
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    Aug 08, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    i dont know the specifics other than wut you wrote but it seems dat this other dude didnt appreciate you and wasnt invested in the relationship.
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    Aug 10, 2013 9:16 AM GMT
    smoothkid87 saidi dont know the specifics other than wut you wrote but it seems dat this other dude didnt appreciate you and wasnt invested in the relationship.


    Thanks. I guess I had to find out the hard way icon_sad.gif.
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    Aug 10, 2013 11:19 AM GMT
    Well played. Don't quote me on this because i'm not sure if you're tyinna channel me or somethin with your purple writing however discerning your communication that was established about expectations you could just be entering that phase when you both agree you won't sacrifice for eachother the ultimate act of seeing it through till time disolves.
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    Aug 10, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    LitAwake saidWell played. Don't quote me on this because i'm not sure if you're tyinna channel me or somethin with your purple writing however discerning your communication that was established about expectations you could just be entering that phase when you both agree you won't sacrifice for eachother the ultimate act of seeing it through till time disolves.


    I was willing to do this and he knew this but he just wasn't into doing the same so...