Fears of Revealing my Insecurities

  • tomchadwin

    Posts: 26

    Aug 06, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    I am lucky enough to be in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 8 months now. We've only recently said "I love you" to each other and have met each other's families. We even mentioned about living together in the future.

    We've recently hit a bump our relationship in that in my boyfriend unexpectedly told me he's starting to look for a job in California (we both currently live in the east coast and he hates his current job). He recently told me that he always wanted to live there and his job prospects are better there but he isn't sure if it would be a definitive decision whether or not he will move.

    On one hand, I feel that it is not my place to tell him what to do with his career since at 8 months, I still consider us to be in the early stage of our relationship. But on the other hand, I am very upset that he never mentioned this earlier because obviously this might affect our relationship going forward. Part of me wants to end things now to spare me of the potential heart ache but I love him so much now.

    I don't know HOW I should further express my feelings to him on how upset and insecure I feel about this whole situation that he can potentially relocate without sounding whinny and insecure of losing him. I feel that by doing so, will only make me look needy, maybe even disrespectful of his career decision and that it will push him away. Any advice?

    Thanks in advance.
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:27 AM GMT


    NO, don't end it!. This not about insecurities, but about love and the future. Speak honestly and with your heart. You can ask him that this will mean for you and him.

    Talk warmly, and with an open kindness and don't be shy about how you feel. This is the stuff relationships are made of - good communication.


    very warmly,

    -Doug
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:28 AM GMT


    PS I don't believe, after many years and talking to a great many people, that there is anyone alive that doesn't have needs.
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    listen to meninlove!

    communication is the key!

    write on a piece of paper the pros and cons of him moving to west, & what if you move along with him, etc.
    It may help you decide what to do.
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:39 AM GMT
    You should probably discuss this with him. At 8 months, I would think that it's fair for both of you to express where you would like to see the relationship go.

    Also, long distance relationships rarely work. So I would suggest not going down that route. Skype is not a substitute for a relationship.
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    meninlove saidI don't believe, after many years and talking to a great many people, that there is anyone alive that doesn't have needs.

    Bah.


    lol, out of charity I will not mention your needs.

    *blinks ever so sweetly at Aristo*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    @ tomchadwin, FYI, Aristo and I are old friends. icon_wink.gif
  • tomchadwin

    Posts: 26

    Aug 06, 2013 1:38 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your advice. I'll try to talk to him again about this issue. The mentality I have is people will do what they want to do. And I *fear* that at the end of the day, I will have to choose between him and my life here - a decision that I don't know *how* to make because I will be giving up something that is important to me either way. Any other words of wisdom? Thanks again.