For those of y'all that are out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    Okay, so when planning on coming out a lot of us had/have the fear of being dis-owned by family or losing friends. So, has this happened to any of y'all or did everything turn out better than expected?

    For me personally, I didn't lose any friends. The relationship between my roommate and myself got ALOT better (which suprised me) and my other friends were also fine with it. I'm not close with my family so . . . Yeah.

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    Aug 07, 2013 7:15 AM GMT
    If you choose to have good friends in your life, they will accept you being gay.

    Anyone who doesn't isn['t worth knowing. You wanna be friends with a homophobe?

    Coming out is ALWAYS the best thing to do.
    (JohnSpotter, take note)

    Incidentally, no; I didn't lose any friends. Some friends told me I changed their (stereotypical negative) views about gay people. I received a round of applause on my school bus when I did come out.
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    Mavourneen29 saidI had similar fears. Surprisingly for me, all my friends took it in a nice way. I did not lose any friends and in fact got closer to some of them more than ever. Life only got much easier once I came out. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sounds picture perfect. :^]
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    gayinterest saidIf you choose to have good friends in your life, they will accept you being gay.

    Anyone who doesn't isn['t worth knowing. You wanna be friends with a homophobe?


    Coming out is ALWAYS the best thing to do.
    (JohnSpotter, take note)

    Incidentally, no; I didn't lose any friends. Some friends told me I changed their (stereotypical negative) views about gay people. I received a round of applause on my school bus when I did come out.


    I understand what you're saying here and agree with it, but for some people that's easier than others.

    Glad to hear about all the support you received when coming out.
  • MisterT

    Posts: 1272

    Aug 07, 2013 5:31 PM GMT
    Friends I already had stayed around, best friends probably got closer like others here stated.

    I believe i also changed the way some people viewed gay people, and don't seem to be so bigoted.

    My family didn't change they way they treat me.

    Overall, my experience was non-eventful
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    I live in a very back-in-time piece of country land. I lost best friends. I lost acquaintances. My family beat and disowned me.


    But I'm still fucking awesome. And so much better for it.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Aug 07, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    Improved a number of my aquintanceships cum friendships.
    Partly just because I was less nervous tbh.
    No change to any of my stronger relationships.
    icon_smile.gif
    (I'm especially fortunate in that regard though. There was never any realistic doubt, just due to demographics. But there was still irrational doubt. icon_rolleyes.gif )


    EDIT: Those who say coming out is "always" the best thing to do: I think you're VERY sheltered. In much of the "west" it is. But even in quite a few areas in the west is definitely isn't. (And it's not just about physical threat. Good people can believe crazy things. And losing all of your social and familial support structures can be devastating. To some people that does happen. Sometimes duel lives are best, sadly.)
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    I think it's a lot different know then in the past, we beat ourselves up about it then once it's over we say "That was not that bad"

    However I will go back to what I usually say to everyone on this topic.

    Most of your family, friend and loved one's already know, especially your Mom, they are just waiting to hear it from you.
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    I outed myself to everyone I hangout with or interact often with such as classmates, I've been (unwillingly) outed to my cousin and we haven't spoken since. But those who I outed to were pretty acceptable..

    I haven't told my family yet, haven't found the right timing (if there ever is a right timing) icon_rolleyes.gif

    And I'm pretty sure the males in the family will hate me with every fiber of my being..
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    My family was very supportive of me when I came out, and actually Encouraged me to bring home a boy so they can see what their son's type is. To this day my family always asks if I have a boyfriend. As for friends, I didn't lose any. I guess I was just really fortunate to have very understanding and supportive friends and family.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 07, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    It is easier to just do it and not think about it and just let the chips fall where they may. What ever scenario you play out in your head is not likely to happen anyway. It is the game of life and the outcome is always uncertain.
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:50 PM GMT
    MisterT said. . . .

    I believe i also changed the way some people viewed gay people, and don't seem to be so bigoted.

    . . . .


    It's always good when that happens, then people can get those negative stereotypes out of their heads. I feel like if some of the gay male celebs came out it would have the same result.


    TrevorMark saidI live in a very back-in-time piece of country land. I lost best friends. I lost acquaintances. My family beat and disowned me.


    But I'm still fucking awesome. And so much better for it.


    Sorry to hear that but I'm happy you're able to be proud of who you are.
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    Aug 07, 2013 5:59 PM GMT
    JDR62 said . . .


    Most of your family, friend and loved one's already know, especially your Mom, they are just waiting to hear it from you.


    I agree with this for the most part. Mothers usually always know.

    Ammon said. . . .

    And I'm pretty sure the males in the family will hate me with every fiber of my being. . .


    Hopefully that's not the case and they turn out to be more supportive than you Imagined.
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    Aug 07, 2013 6:04 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidMy family was very supportive of me when I came out, and actually Encouraged me to bring home a boy so they can see what their son's type is. To this day my family always asks if I have a boyfriend. As for friends, I didn't lose any. I guess I was just really fortunate to have very understanding and supportive friends and family.


    I'm so happy for you. It shouldn't have to be a big deal to come out. Family and friends should ALWAYS be supportive of who we are, nothing's changed.

    AMoonHawk saidIt is easier to just do it and not think about it and just let the chips fall where they may. What ever scenario you play out in your head is not likely to happen anyway. It is the game of life and the outcome is always uncertain.


    Agreed, Most of us make it out to be much bigger than it actually is, but some aren't so lucky.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 07, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidOkay, so when planning on coming out a lot of us had/have the fear of being dis-owned by family or losing friends. So, has this happened to any of y'all or did everything turn out better than expected?

    For me personally, I didn't lose any friends. The relationship between my roommate and myself got ALOT better (which suprised me) and my other friends were also fine with it. I'm not close with my family so . . . Yeah.

    Dude...Your family will come around, just be patient..When it's all said and done...Blood loves blood...
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    Aug 07, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    asspermativeaction saidthe reactions from my friends=coming soon although i don't know when. haven't developed the courage yet.

    the reactions from my family-

    my mom was disappointed and said she doesn't agree with homosexuality, like gay people and etc. she was pissed about it for some weeks and even threatened to disown me at one point because of it. her and me are still close even though we don't talk about it at all. came out to her on my birthday last year.
    . . . .

    my brother was cool about it when i came out to him 2 weeks after i did to my father. at least i thought he was but i think he has issues about it. he was in disbelief though and even now, he doesn't believe that i'm gay. he was acting really flakey with me during the gay pride parade instead of being supportive.

    . . . .


    Weirdly enough, my mother would probably say the same exact thing. She's deeply religious and has already told me what she thinks of gays (it isn't good); and she would tell me not to tell the rest of the family because of how they would take it.

    Hopefully your brother comes around soon. Sounds like he's just having trouble understanding it.
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    Aug 07, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    Being out has improved my life .... as far as family members i dont tel them all my business or " announce " anything. but my immediate family does know
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    Aug 07, 2013 7:50 PM GMT
    mybud said

    Dude...Your family will come around, just be patient..When it's all said and done...Blood loves blood...


    No, you don't understand, i didn't come out to them.

    I was never close to them (mother, father. . .anyone). I moved out of my mothers house right after I finished HS and haven't really talked to any of my family since. I have several cousins as FB friends so i'm pretty sure they know I'm gay (because of my pics and pages "Liked"), but my mother and father . . . I just don't talk to.

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    Aug 07, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    I didn't really come out.. My mom walked in on me and my "friend" cuddling in my bed, she put two and two together and see accepts me for who I am. My friends all know, it's kinda obvious icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 07, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    CopperDevil saidBeing out has improved my life .... as far as family members i dont tel them all my business or " announce " anything. but my immediate family does know


    Awesome. I'm guessing that your friends know too?
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    Aug 07, 2013 8:15 PM GMT
    moose123 saidI didn't really come out.. My mom walked in on me and my "friend" cuddling in my bed, she put two and two together and see accepts me for who I am. My friends all know, it's kinda obvious icon_wink.gif


    How cool that she was totally accepting of you after walking in on that! That wouldn't have gone the same for me.
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    Aug 07, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    It's been great so far. My biggest fear was how my family and close friends would react and I hid and hid and finally one late night I got off a plane and called my sister and told her. That went great and I proceeded to tell those close in my life. Each time I had the immense fear it would be awful and each time it was not a big deal and I grew closer to those in my life.

    I am one of the lucky ones - I'm still waiting and know the negative reaction will come - and some folks I told who were outright against it due to their religious beliefs have handled it pretty well and haven't changed the way they treat or act around me.

    I hold anyone who comes out in high regard, but being fresh myself understand those who aren't out.
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    Aug 07, 2013 8:57 PM GMT
    TravelBuff saidIt's been great so far. My biggest fear was how my family and close friends would react and I hid and hid and finally one late night I got off a plane and called my sister and told her. That went great and I proceeded to tell those close in my life. Each time I had the immense fear it would be awful and each time it was not a big deal and I grew closer to those in my life.

    I am one of the lucky ones - I'm still waiting and know the negative reaction will come - and some folks I told who were outright against it due to their religious beliefs have handled it pretty well and haven't changed the way they treat or act around me.

    I hold anyone who comes out in high regard, but being fresh myself understand those who aren't out.


    Awesome. Sounds like you definitely had an easy time with it! Glad to see that you also grew closer to everyone in your life.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Aug 07, 2013 9:08 PM GMT
    i was/am lucky
    had no fear and it never was questioned, my parents love me as i am ,so are my sisters their husbends al my 2 nieces cousins ect.
    and also no problems with friends and co-workers, it got me always to seem ''more intresting'' lol
    usualy i dont talk about it much [i have a liberal family]so there's no much point
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2013 9:14 PM GMT
    When I decided to come out to my mother, I was terrified, but it worked out and she still treats me just as she did before I told her.