“FRIENDS won't start supporting you until STRANGERS start celebrating you”

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    Aug 07, 2013 1:35 PM GMT
    Very profound. For anyone who does anything in the creative world, I bet this rings so true. I found this tweet and thought, "holy crap, that is how it feels."

    Like on Facebook. Complete strangers I've never met in person are more willing to Share and Like posts than the "friends" I meet on a regular basis. Hell, even strangers have purchased gifts for my 50th birthday tomorrow from my Amazon wishlist. Not a single friend has.

    Why do you think it takes the recognition from strangers for "friends" to take notice?
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    Aug 07, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    Because friends take you for granted. Keep it real. And could be jealous.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    some "friends" are just not really friends. Different levels of friendship exist.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:18 PM GMT
    You're 50 effing years old and still measure your friends by what presents they buy for your birthday?
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    I noticed that shortly after joining internet groups years ago. It's a strange process. People seem to judge a creative idea or project less by its own worth and more by some stranger's assessment.
    It's a long story.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidYou're 50 effing years old and still measure your friends by what presents they buy for your birthday?


    Not "what" someone may give, but "who" may freely give and support you.

    When you finally step back and see how the people in your life, the people who you support, the people whose baby showers and weddings you attend and give to, the people who you tip who claim to like you more than for your tips , the people you click Like and Share their posts....and then you step back and think, wow, they really don't do that for me, ever.

    Yes, you can measure friends that way.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:35 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidI noticed that shortly after joining internet groups years ago. It's a strange process. People seem to judge a creative idea or project less by its own worth and more by some stranger's assessment.
    It's a long story.


    It really is strange, isn't it. I think eagermuscle put his finger on it.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:37 PM GMT
    wrestlervic said For anyone who does anything in the creative world, I bet this rings so true. I found this tweet and thought, "holy crap, that is how it feels."


    This, I can mostly relate to. There are many acquaintances and a few friends who do very little to support me in my musical endeavors - such as coming to gigs, buying (or even downloading free) music releases. They only praise me if some established publisher writes praise about me.

    I can do a gig, invite 200 people I know in the same city and not one person bother turning up to support me, even if it's free entry.

    I try to support my friends in whatever they are passionate about, even if their passion is not something I particularly care for; it's because they are getting up off their arse, creating something and expressing themselves.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:45 PM GMT
    What's your decision toward future interaction with these friends whom you now recognize as less supportive?

    Are you going to dump them or make less time for them and stop sending them gifts? Or are you going to bitch a little and then shrug it off?

    No right answer; just curious.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:49 PM GMT
    I try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    BackToTop saidWhat's your decision toward future interaction with these friends whom you now recognize as less supportive?

    Are you going to dump them or make less time for them and stop sending them gifts? Or are you going to bitch a little and then shrug it off?

    No right answer; just curious.


    I don't know, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who faces this quandary when it comes to reassessing their relationships. You can only shrug off behaviors for so long.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    wrestlervic said
    bhp91126 saidYou're 50 effing years old and still measure your friends by what presents they buy for your birthday?


    Not "what" someone may give, but "who" may freely give and support you.

    When you finally step back and see how the people in your life, the people who you support, the people whose baby showers and weddings you attend and give to, the people who you tip who claim to like you more than for your tips , the people you click Like and Share their posts....and then you step back and think, wow, they really don't do that for me, ever.

    Yes, you can measure friends that way.


    I agree generally with your comments about friends. Sometimes you have to just pare it back, some people will take as much as they can but never give in return. It's not worth it.

    I still wouldn't ask people to buy me stuff, though. It's kind of tacky.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    showme said
    wrestlervic said
    bhp91126 saidYou're 50 effing years old and still measure your friends by what presents they buy for your birthday?


    Not "what" someone may give, but "who" may freely give and support you.

    When you finally step back and see how the people in your life, the people who you support, the people whose baby showers and weddings you attend and give to, the people who you tip who claim to like you more than for your tips , the people you click Like and Share their posts....and then you step back and think, wow, they really don't do that for me, ever.

    Yes, you can measure friends that way.


    I agree generally with your comments about friends. Sometimes you have to just pare it back, some people will take as much as they can but never give in return. It's not worth it.

    I still wouldn't ask people to buy me stuff, though. It's kind of tacky.


    Sharing the Amazon Wishlist was meant to be funny. That's why it's called a wishlist.
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    Aug 07, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    gayinterest saidI try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.


    Phase them out is what I think most people choose to do.
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    Aug 07, 2013 3:01 PM GMT
    wrestlervic said
    gayinterest saidI try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.


    Phase them out is what I think most people chose to do.


    Another option is to talk with them about it.

    We have one couple that we've been friends with for years, but recently it was always about their drama, their problems, and we were doing 90% of the planning and hosting for get-togethers.

    It wasn't comfortable, but I sat down with one of them and said, look, we love you guys but we need to be loved and supported too. They stepped up to the plate.
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    Aug 07, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    showme said
    wrestlervic said
    gayinterest saidI try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.


    Phase them out is what I think most people chose to do.


    Another option is to talk with them about it.

    We have one couple that we've been friends with for years, but recently it was always about their drama, their problems, and we were doing 90% of the planning and hosting for get-togethers.

    It wasn't comfortable, but I sat down with one of them and said, look, we love you guys but we need to be loved and supported too. They stepped up to the plate.


    Yeah, that's pretty hard to do. It's hard to ask people, "why don't you care about or support me?" You never want to have to ask for kind gestures; you hope they just come as freely as you give out. Probably, in some way, I think that is why I did the wishlist. To give "those" people that opportunity.
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    Aug 07, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    wrestlervic said
    showme said
    wrestlervic said
    gayinterest saidI try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.


    Phase them out is what I think most people chose to do.


    Another option is to talk with them about it.

    We have one couple that we've been friends with for years, but recently it was always about their drama, their problems, and we were doing 90% of the planning and hosting for get-togethers.

    It wasn't comfortable, but I sat down with one of them and said, look, we love you guys but we need to be loved and supported too. They stepped up to the plate.


    Yeah, that's pretty hard to do. It's hard to ask people, "why don't you care about or support me?" You never want to have to ask for kind gestures; you hope they just come as freely as you give out. Probably, in some way, I think that is why I did the wishlist. To give "those" people that opportunity.


    BTW, I gave myself a big 50th birthday party, so I do kind of get it.
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    Aug 07, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    showme said
    wrestlervic said
    gayinterest saidI try to hold no grudge. People have lots of shit going on in their lives which I may be party to. I would prefer they were more supportive, but I'm not going to let it spoil an otherwise positive relationship.

    I will continue to support whatever they do where possible, even if it's just a "like" or "share".

    I'm not a fan of confrontation. If someone really upsets me I'd sooner just phase them out of my life than create enormous drama.


    Phase them out is what I think most people chose to do.


    Another option is to talk with them about it.

    We have one couple that we've been friends with for years, but recently it was always about their drama, their problems, and we were doing 90% of the planning and hosting for get-togethers.

    It wasn't comfortable, but I sat down with one of them and said, look, we love you guys but we need to be loved and supported too. They stepped up to the plate.


    Yes, I agree, communication is a great option, and the only way to resolve disputes. But as wrestler-- said previously, I kinda hope my friends wouldn't need to be prompted to show their love and support. I try to surround myself with only the best people.