Why is low self esteem so common in people?

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Aug 08, 2013 4:16 AM GMT
    And why is having a high opinion of yourself stigmatized?

    I happen to think that I am an awesome human being, with flaws of course, but I think I am great.

    What about our culture makes people feel shitty about themselves?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 08, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    You do realize you are directing your question at gay people ... most of us have had to over come a lot and realize that we are okay just the way we are ... I think most gay people have a fairly high self-esteem ... now the closeted ones ... that's a different story
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 08, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    asspermativeaction said
    AMoonHawk saidYou do realize you are directing your question at gay people ... most of us have had to over come a lot and realize that we are okay just the way we are ... I think most gay people have a high esteem of themselves ... now the closeted ones ... that's a different story


    i really beg to differ on that.

    Don't beg ... it doesn't become you icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 08, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    My favorite object is a mirror... I like to look at my face to and clean myself and see if I'm good-looking It's a symbolic object to me. It let's me look into the other perspective as well and I can see the world through their eyes...

    Even though I understand low-self esteem people though I don't really have much tolerance either. Low-self esteem people tend be insecure. Insecure people will hurt you, it has happen and I always see it. That's why I'm careful to keep away from them.
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    Aug 08, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    Low self esteem is common because people start of in this world as kids who couldn't care less about the subject but then as they grow they look for self worth from others and when they can't get that they have low self esteem and people with low self esteem are less likely to compliment and build someone elses self esteem when they have none or the minimum so we are all stuck because we all face the same delima icon_sad.gif

    Self worth starts and strengthens on the inside

    Not saying I have much yet but I know.. its more than knowing though.. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 08, 2013 7:13 AM GMT
    The_Tango saidMy favorite object is a mirror


    I'd be mindful to not start sentence like that if I were you.
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    Aug 08, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    Less spiritual people. More jealous people. Vanity. Bad mothers and fathers. A world wide evolved dysfunctional social environment. Perpetuated media imagery. Perpetuated ignorance but advancement in meticulous technology to slowly turn society anti social. We are the Borg. Resistance is futile! bth_smiley_green_borg.gif
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    Aug 08, 2013 1:50 PM GMT
    They dont listen to Christina Aguilera enough ...
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    Aug 08, 2013 2:30 PM GMT


    Here:

    http://www.gay-therapy-ct.com/gay-self-esteem.html

    "For most of us, growing up gay in a homophobic culture presents major challenges to developing strong self-esteem. Along with whatever positive messages we received from significant others about our accomplishments, our abilities, and their love for us, we received many blatant or subtle negative messages about our sexuality and how well we did or did not conform to gender expectations. These messages may have come from those who otherwise loved and supported us, in addition to coming from popular culture, religious institutions, peers and educators. As adults, we must make an effort to rid ourselves of the vestiges of these negative messages and restore a sense of positive self-regard. Many of us are grappling with shame stemming from messages that we are sick, disgusting or sinful. It may be difficult for us to feel fully at ease with being open our sexuality or expressing same-sex affection, even in private."

    Even worse than just sexuality, those blatant and subtle negatively reinforcing messages are aimed at the most personal and fundamental aspect of being human, our ability to love, and who and how we love.
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    Aug 08, 2013 2:47 PM GMT
    Because these days we tend to idealize perfect guys and spend all day watching them on internet ads, TV, and the movies. It makes us all feel less perfect.
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    Aug 08, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidAnd why is having a high opinion of yourself stigmatized?

    I happen to think that I am an awesome human being, with flaws of course, but I think I am great.

    What about our culture makes people feel shitty about themselves?

    Consumerism (assuming "our culture" is the U.S., where you're located). If more people felt good, then they wouldn't buy as much junk. A boost in overall self esteem would make the economy collapse. Keep those feel-good vibes to yourself—do you want a Third Depression?
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    Aug 08, 2013 2:59 PM GMT
    The_Guruburu said
    NeutralObserver saidAnd why is having a high opinion of yourself stigmatized?

    I happen to think that I am an awesome human being, with flaws of course, but I think I am great.

    What about our culture makes people feel shitty about themselves?

    Consumerism (assuming "our culture" is the U.S., where you're located). If more people felt good, then they wouldn't buy as much junk. A boost in overall self esteem would make the economy collapse. Keep those feel-good vibes to yourself—do you want a Third Depression?


    LOL! Oh yes..

    Next up; commercials aimed at gays to promote appearance as a cure for low self esteem. (they do it with women already, and are trying it with straight men)
  • The_Guruburu

    Posts: 895

    Aug 08, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    The_Guruburu said
    NeutralObserver saidAnd why is having a high opinion of yourself stigmatized?

    I happen to think that I am an awesome human being, with flaws of course, but I think I am great.

    What about our culture makes people feel shitty about themselves?

    Consumerism (assuming "our culture" is the U.S., where you're located). If more people felt good, then they wouldn't buy as much junk. A boost in overall self esteem would make the economy collapse. Keep those feel-good vibes to yourself—do you want a Third Depression?


    LOL! Oh yes..

    Next up; commercials aimed at gays to promote appearance as a cure for low self esteem. (they do it with women already, and are trying it with straight men)

    I can't believe companies are now just waking up to the fact that they've neglected to exploit a good 50% of the population. Probably at the cost of The Middle Class™
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    Aug 08, 2013 3:56 PM GMT
    It depends what you mean by self-esteem. If you mean confidence, yes this is a truly healthy characteristic. If you mean endless self-admiration, this is just weakness. The fact is we are not just fine the way we are. You are strong not when ignore your flaws and build up your ego. You are strong when you acknowledge your flaws and believe in yourself enough to keep going and to thrive. Strength needs to be based on conviction, a solid set of values that are practised and not just preached, and accomplishments that one can build on. Self-admiration is just a set of talking points and lacks any solid foundation. People with big egos are annoying. The self-esteem movement has been around since the 70s and there is no evidence it has produced happier, more well-adjusted people, or improved community.
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    Aug 08, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    Low self esteem is a form of pessimism and low expectation. You can put two sales people in the same situation where they will hear 10 "not interested in your business" for every "yes, I'd like to hear more" responses and one will always internalize the successful response more and for a longer time than the other. I've also noticed that many low self esteem people have a hard time even remembering their successes, much less acknowledging the success. But they dwell on the pain of the failure and carry it with them and focus on it forever.

    Having a high opinion of yourself is not stigmatized. Making other people feel that they aren't worthy of your time/sacrifice is what is stigmatized.
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    Aug 08, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    coming from comparing yourself to others. there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. stop it.

    be the best you that you can be. the only person you ever need to compete with is the person that you were yesterday.

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    Aug 08, 2013 4:42 PM GMT
    Mac1986 saidcoming from comparing yourself to others. there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. stop it.

    be the best you that you can be. the only person you ever need to compete with is the person that you were yesterday.



    I agree with this but I like to take it a step farther. I like to compare myself to 'the average'. Even if I'm just moderately above average in some dimension, that's several billion people I'm slightly better than at that particular thing icon_smile.gif And of course I think pretty much anyone who invests time in themselves in some way will have some dimensions along which they are far better than average. Figuring out the things that you 'specialize' in also makes it much easier to accept your own shortcomings, and even gives confidence to try to improve on them if it's important to you, since a failed attempt at that doesn't really affect you much - you'll still have your specializations when it's all said and done.
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    Aug 08, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    We live in a repressed society, I feel so many people feel the need to conform, therefore unable to be themselves out of fear of being rejected or alienated from friends and family, or even just strangers walking down the street.
    Mentally I think this is a mind F***, and we feel we are unable to be the person we would really like to be. So the fear of being the individual you are and not being able to let that out becomes a light form of depression, which translates into low self esteem and thinking you'll never fit in to what society dictates what you should be.
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    Aug 08, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
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    Aug 08, 2013 6:22 PM GMT
    Matiz said
    The_Tango saidMy favorite object is a mirror


    I'd be mindful to not start sentence like that if I were you.


    it's because it allows me to see into other people's perspective and not for the reasons you're thinking
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    Aug 08, 2013 6:33 PM GMT
    A lot of people unfortunately don't receive the love or affirmation they desire. Or they have not found a way to base their perception of their own self-worth on how they see themselves rather than how others see them.
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    Aug 08, 2013 8:34 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidQuite a few of the answers given in this thread make it abundantly clear that so many people have absolutely no concept of what self esteem is and how it is developed.

    My god, it is scary in here.


    low self-esteem = having a negative self-image of themselves

    how simple is that?

    I mean I had low-self esteem when I was a pre-teen. I was mostly a quiet kid who kept to myself. I didn't do anything important so I didn't think I was worthwhile. I guess that's what it is if you ask me.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 08, 2013 8:37 PM GMT
    Because everyone is self-centered and judgmental (a side effect of global warming, according to the latest research out of the University of Lifsux).
  • JackDoyle

    Posts: 706

    Aug 08, 2013 8:47 PM GMT
    Irish people in general seem to have really low self esteem, I think that's why we drink so much! I think most Americans seem so confident!! what's your secret!??
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    Aug 08, 2013 9:26 PM GMT
    I'm continually baffled by the attention paid to someone's esteem--whether one is good or bad.

    People with low self-esteem often become overachievers to buttress their internal deficits. The achievements wouldn't have happened except for their insecurity.

    People with high self-esteem often become leaders and get seen that way by others. So, also a net positive.

    I honestly don't think self-esteem is something that should be nudged one way or the other (unless they're suicidal or homicidal).