Break ➡ UP

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    we lasted approximately a month.. i think that the damage done was too much to repair. we started off great and it slowly hit a few bumps.. i put forth so much effort to keep us afloat and it felt as if he was complacent just letting it go; he didn't put in the elbow grease.

    the bumps became mountains.

    arguments took place, things were said, i made promises that i kept.. he broke a lot of his. he tried to excuse unacceptable behavior (based on the set of ground rules we both established) that i was constantly reminding him of; what he said and urged to him to follow through with it... i might as well have been twisting his arm just to get a little more than words and a good time. whenever i brought up issues that he didn't feel comfortable discussing, he would suggest i "meditate" on it and stop bringing it up...

    i'm sure he felt as if he was under a microscope because i wouldn't let anything slide. i gave my best and demanded his, as well.

    i did start "meditating" on it. he started feeling as if i had something to hide (my rage) and so because of it, he didn't trust me.

    i stopped trusting him long ago but i kept at it.. i learned just how determined and reliable i actually can be.

    it's been 3 days. haven't heard from him. he was on business doing something he had no business doing. i caught him. called him out on it. he became defensive. accused me of doing the same (i wasn't) as at the same time i was in LA.

    i started dating again.

    it hurts. it doesn't feel as if i'm ready yet but feel that this is how i can keep myself from falling apart.

    i reconnected with someone i dated long ago.. we spent the day together. it was nice.

    even if i do understand the reasons behind it and know it is for the better, i feel uneasy, hurt, resentful and disappointment with all of this. i'm trying not to internalize it. also trying not to project it. whether or not this may sound logical, i figure dating asap is the answer. i've kept in touch w my friends and support group and figure it's only a matter of time before i grow out of this and am able to release it.

    there is no getting back together.

    the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    i feel so exposed, to be honest. as if there is nowhere to hide. i know i'm strong and that i'll make it through this but fuck, it hurts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    I've just gone through something very similar, just without the cheating. Trying to date, hook up to keep myself from not falling apart but am hurt and resent him and am sooo disappointed in him for not trying harder to fix issues that were rather easy to fix. I just can't hate him as he's the nicest person I've ever known. Just sooooo much disappointment, he was weak, I need a strong man, he's physically a strong bodybuilder built like a beast, inside, he's a big girl who runs away from problems, tries to ignore them and cries and blames me for not being sensitive when I bring them up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 10:21 PM GMT
    .. It sounds like two intense people in an intense crash and burn scenario.

    .. So much went so wrong in such a short period of time.

    Were you ever at peace or content within this four week period?..
    You seem so attached and heart broken over a union that really didn't mature into a relationship..

    .. You met him.. then discovered day after day that he was not worthy..

    Sounds like you met someone..Handed over mind body and soul.. and now you have discovered.. he is not the one.

    Hugz..Heal and slow down!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 10:54 PM GMT
    Anocxu said.. It sounds like two intense people in an intense crash and burn scenario.

    .. So much went so wrong in such a short period of time.

    Were you ever at peace or content within this four week period?..
    You seem so attached and heart broken over a union that really didn't mature into a relationship..

    .. You met him.. then discovered day after day that he was not worthy..

    Sounds like you met someone..Handed over mind body and soul.. and now you have discovered.. he is not the one.

    Hugz..Heal and slow down!





    during the period we spent together, yes, i had very happy times with him.
    i could stare into his eyes and just melt away.

    he has such a beautiful soul. his quirks won me over. when he and i were together, it was paradise.

    slowly, i started realizing we had big differences... but life is all different, is it not? we adapt to survive and i didn't find many of his habits or traits to be so complicated that we couldn't work through it-- correction: that i couldn't work through it-- i can't speak for him and as he's the one that ended it (my guess is out of guilt and integrity; he'd prefer to end it than cheat) i assume it was an issue he didn't see himself able of overcoming.

    i did hand everything over to him. he said to me he'd take good care of it.

    i had to fly out for work and while there, things got shaky.. i told him i didn't want to go. he urged me to. i went. a week later, he's singing a different tune.. he was accusing me of cheating right after i caught him as if to make what he did ok and acceptable. i really didn't. once he realized this, his emotions turned defensive and he resorted to anger.

    he broke it off. i tried to talk about it. he said there was nothing to discuss. he missed me. i missed him. but he couldn't just come out and say that he missed me. or that he wished i would've stayed. i could read into him but it's as if he wouldn't read into himself... i got on the first plane home and made it to him by the next evening after a day hopping from plane to plane and landing at different airports.. he didn't know i was on my way but when i turned my phone on, i'm greeted by a text from him asking for his stuff back.

    this broke me.

    he made a mistake and even if i won't forget it, he hasn't given me the chance to forgive him before we went our seperate ways. he just shut me out. i don't know why he deals with things in such a way.. he found out i was here because the guard called him from the lobby phone to ask if i could come up.

    the guard passed the phone over to me and that was the last time we talked.

    i gave everything about me to that man. i went above and beyond what i knew i was capable of in a relationship.

    it saddens me to think that he wasn't able or willing to work through his way of dealing with things out of perhaps stubborness or out of just security in resorting to the same approach when it came to dealing w everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    divvy198509 saidI've just gone through something very similar, just without the cheating. Trying to date, hook up to keep myself from not falling apart but am hurt and resent him and am sooo disappointed in him for not trying harder to fix issues that were rather easy to fix. I just can't hate him as he's the nicest person I've ever known. Just sooooo much disappointment, he was weak, I need a strong man, he's physically a strong bodybuilder built like a beast, inside, he's a big girl who runs away from problems, tries to ignore them and cries and blames me for not being sensitive when I bring them up.


    this was exactly it.

    i brought it up with him. he can take on the world but he does it at the expense of his emotions and his inner state. he's done it for so long that it became a handicap. he loved to work out as well. he was constantly active. ironically, he was neglecting to exercise the muscle that mattered most: his heart. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    I'm so sorry..
    You did everything you could..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 08, 2013 11:47 PM GMT
    Sad to hear it. The longest I ever was with someone was less than a month.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 08, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    I may be mistaken, but it sounds as if you are the insanely jealous type who NAGS, NAGS, NAGS.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI may be mistaken, but it sounds as if you are the insanely jealous type who NAGS, NAGS, NAGS.


    yes, you're mistaken. i won't get disclose extremely intimate or personal details to make it any more relateable for you in case it isn't already.

    if you'd like to ask questions, you are free to ask and i'll answer but if what you'd like to do is project, then project away, webster.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 12:06 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidI'm so sorry..
    You did everything you could..


    thx for being there. for the understanding and support. <3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    sucks about the break up man. but this is now your time for yourself. do whatever you want -- and if you try to date again and it doesn't "Feel right" then don't feel guilty about it or anything...it's just not time for you that's all.

    take up a hobby? road trip? do something just by yourself and enjoy your surroundings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    Things went so wrong so fast. very confusing though. But anyway man this too shall pass, there is no need to cry for a man that does not deserve you. His lack of matuarity was always gonna be a problem for u guys, as he, i think was not ready for a person as strong willed as yourself, he just felt short and inediquate. That why he cheated. This was self sabotage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Realtionships teach us about self, what did u learn?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    SKM2 saidThings went so wrong so fast. very confusing though. But anyway man this too shall pass, there is no need to cry for a man that does not deserve you. His lack of matuarity was always gonna be a problem for u guys, as he, i think was not ready for a person as strong willed as yourself, he just felt short and inediquate. That why he cheated. This was self sabotage.


    <3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 1:54 PM GMT
    Hillie saidRealtionships teach us about self, what did u learn?


    i learned to let go of a lot of my hang up's. i learned to open up and trust again. i learned to exercise patience and to ask questions to help me better understand their point of view so that i could be a better partner and see if they can also be a good partner to me.

    i learned that what matters to me is worth fighting for and that my effort to fight for love shows that i am ready, able and capable of giving it and also worth receiving it. i''ve been the type of person who will love and ask for very little in return and in this relationship, i learned that for me to love, i also had to receive love and that it is ok for me to ask for what i needed and/or wanted in order for it to be healthy and balanced.

    i learned that my relationship may be important but so am i and my needs. i learned the value of my support group. i learned how to trust my friends. how to ask for them to help me through this and also i learned how to allow them to be there for me which is a major learning step for me.

    i learned how to receive help. i learned how to ask for it. and i'm now coming to terms with the fact that i have to care for my heart and that i'm equipped with all the tools needed to do so. i need to organically assess the situation; i can love and have compassion for the person and also curb my enthusiasm to jump ship no matter how wonderful it is or the words i hear and promises we make to each other if i don't feel that they (or i) can step up to plate and be there for one another.

    the most important thing that i learned is how important it is to be in a good place before getting involved. though it may hurt, i've made major personal progress and am dealing with this quite well because of where i am in my personal journey.

    i feel confident about moving past this and ok about what has happened.

    my heart is still open. i'm still open and willing to trust and to me, it shows that i can make it. and that i'm ready.

    i'm also learning patience.

    i may be able to articulate the lessons learned but i feel it may take a while before it sinks in and my heart and mind are both back on the same page.

    thank you guys! i'm really appreciative of you all reading and taking time out to offer your support as i move through this. <3
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 09, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    at 24 there will be many more don't waste your time hurting over a whore.icon_idea.gif

    A month is nothing!!
    Hope you wore condoms!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 09, 2013 2:10 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle saidi feel so exposed, to be honest. as if there is nowhere to hide. i know i'm strong and that i'll make it through this but fuck, it hurts.


    Great quote from the movie 16 Candles. Dad tells his daughter if the didn't hurt they wouldn't call em crushes they'd call em something else.icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif

    Dating already. You will be just fine. In the future try not to lie or accept lies from others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    mick3y_muscle saidi feel so exposed, to be honest. as if there is nowhere to hide. i know i'm strong and that i'll make it through this but fuck, it hurts.


    Great quote from the movie 16 Candles. Dad tells his daughter if the didn't hurt they wouldn't call em crushes they'd call em something else.icon_idea.gificon_idea.gificon_idea.gif

    Dating already. You will be just fine. In the future try not to lie or except lies from others.


    thx, mike! icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    I'm in the beginning of a relationship and have been really impatient. Not my style, normally. My guy is very quiet, chill, and guarded emotionally.

    I've had to actually meditate on the impatience, leaning INTO the feeling, rather than trying to avoid it. This can be done with any emotions you are feeling - loss, loneliness, anger. By focussing deeply on the feelings, really giving the feelings texture and shape, I found that the feelings tend to dissipate. I have regained my balance using this technique, and can now move forward being really present with him.

    I find that after a relationship ends, no matter how fast and intense, it is best to stop dating for a while. Maybe this isn't for everyone, but I think I need some readjustment time. Remember who you are WITHOUT another guy, and get grounded again. You have already begun contemplation about what you learned from this, but make sure you know what you really want from the next guy, and be aware of what you have to offer.

    As a side note, if you need to set up a bunch of rules at the beginning of a relationship, you may not be with the right person. Most very fast, passionate relationships burn out fast, or fizzle after the initial excitement runs out. I find the slow burn of anticipation to be preferable, but we don't always encounter the kind of relationship that we want at first.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 09, 2013 3:15 PM GMT
    I tend to be an optimist and always try and look at the positives (even if that can be a challenge). I think you are taking the best steps you can.... reevaluate and analyze and move forward. But do move along once you have considered what has happened. Try not to hold a grudge, but
    use the experience to isolate what you feel is really important in a relationship.. what you want and certainly what you won't accept.

    Maybe it wasn't really personal, maybe he liked the "idea" of being in a relationship, but wasn't ready to commit.
    Hope you can find a better candidate the next time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    mick3y_muscle saidi feel so exposed, to be honest. as if there is nowhere to hide. i know i'm strong and that i'll make it through this but fuck, it hurts.


    Dude , one month? .. You were rushing things and forcing compatibility and monogamy when that stuff requires a transition time.