Living with Exes (plural)

  • Irishguy22

    Posts: 66

    Aug 09, 2013 8:45 AM GMT
    So this is my first forum thread and its about living with my exes. Most of you are probably wondering what kind of idiot gets himself into that kind of situation... Hi thats me.
    Ive always managed to maintain a good friendship with my ex boyfriends so when it came to looking for a place to move into it wasnt too big a deal that I would be moving in with one ex and my BF at the time. All was well in the land and no fights were had, but then me and the boyfriend split up. We stayed friends and he left for a brief stint abroad. Now he is back and staying with us again temporarily to finish exams. This would have been fine had he not brought a guy home, now im having freak outs and am on the verge of panic attacks at the thought of him bringing his new man into the house because Im really not over this ex. Worst of all he may not want his stay back in the house to be temporary and im certain the other housemates will prefer him here instead of me so Im being driven sick with worry. I know I have to put my foot down and say no to him living with me again but I dont want to give up living in the house that I personally have put so much effort into.
    Is there any other guy on here thats had to live with an ex? Did you also want to beat the ever living **** out of the someone when you saw him with someone else?

    (Also the second ex makes no real difference in this I just thought it was an interesting point that I was living with two)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 12:14 PM GMT
    Hey,

    I have always maintained very good relationships with my exes. The last one is considered to be part of my family. I have known him for a very long time. There have been situations where he has been in between places and needed a place to live so we have lived together long after we were no longer together. The way it works for me is that when they become an ex there is no possibility of going down that relationship road , they become friends so whoever they date doesn't ruffle my feathers so to speak. You have to look at them as friends or family and not in any other way. If you are getting worked up by who they are dating then you need more time to get over them and maybe them living with you isn't a good idea right now for you.

    Btw I like the name and nice picture.

    Anthony
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Aug 09, 2013 12:51 PM GMT
    Why are young ppl's life so complicated these days.

    I so got over my ex I can't even remember his name.
  • Irishguy22

    Posts: 66

    Aug 09, 2013 1:04 PM GMT
    offshore saidWhy are young ppl's life so complicated these days.

    I so got over my ex I can't even remember his name.


    Dude you dont even know the half of it! That was just the abridged version! But I guess I must bring it on myself
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 1:17 PM GMT
    In a situations like this, where tough decisions has to be taken...I usually try to separate the mandatory from the non. I think of inevitable things which will be happening soon or later and will try not to think about them, for they are inevitable & there's little or no use in thinking about them. Then on the other hand I think about plausible scenarios and decide which is best.

    In your case for ex:
    Inevitable situations are...you can't leave the house
    He will stay in the house
    your roommates will choose him over you
    & possible outcomes...well Since you didn't mentioned much about it, you think for yourself and choose the best option you have.
    Sometimes, though the choices are not pleasing, you have to acknowledge that you have to live with it, and make some personal changes which increase the chances of winning your choice.

    Consider this for a moment and try to apply it, may be it'll help you to decide for yourself.
    If nothing works, you can better come to a decision that 'to leave is better than to stay'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 1:22 PM GMT
    The solution is, only date people who are in your country illegally, then when things go south, you call the authorities and have them deported. No mess, no drama and you are left with a clean house and plenty of room.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 09, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    Well, let me say it is pretty easy us to "throw eggs" at the idea of living with an ex. The reality is, one might have a house or be "entangled" financially with a former bf or partner and it may take some time to disassociate oneself.

    I think every situation is different. Most of the time it isn't ideal as the chances for negative drama increases as does stress.. but.. I know a couple of friends who live with exes and it works very well. But with one, the ex is now sort of "family" and that in and of itself can present sort of a different kind of issue later on.. with a new relationship!

    I say, don't make assumptions on such relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 1:36 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidThe solution is, only date people who are in your country illegally, then when things go south, you call the authorities and have them deported. No mess, no drama and you are left with a clean house and plenty of room.


    Gospel truth.


    On a serious note I would get the hell out of there fast. If those you live with would seriously consider dumping you in favor of a freeloader then you shouldn't be living with them to begin with.

  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Aug 09, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    I wonder if you living with your ex's is an attempt to hang on to some part of your past relationships? If so, it's going to cause continued mental and physical stress. I also wonder if you're the type of guy that doesn't like living alone? You rather live in an uncomfortable set up rather than solitude. If that's the case, I feel you need to look for the root of why you do this...I'm not judging ya man..Just something for you to ponder.
  • BillandChuck

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 09, 2013 2:17 PM GMT
    Borrowing Dexter's cellophane and his boat afterward to dispose of the body parts is a much less complicated solution to exes. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Irishguy22

    Posts: 66

    Aug 09, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    mybud saidI wonder if you living with your ex's is an attempt to hang on to some part of your past relationships? If so, it's going to cause continued mental and physical stress. I also wonder if you're the type of guy that doesn't like living alone? You rather live in an uncomfortable set up rather than solitude. If that's the case, I feel you need to look for the root of why you do this...I'm not judging ya man..Just something for you to ponder.


    Its an understandable assumption. Its true I dont like living alone though the reason he is here is because he was living with us previously and now he needed a place to stay to do his repeat exams. I thought id be fine with it since its only meant to be a few weeks but the idea of him moving back in permanently has cropped up. Also the reason I dont want to leave is because Ive been living in this house about a year. Its a really nice house and I do pretty much all of the work in it. I handle the rent, electric bill, bin money, deal with landlords and get whatever needs to be repaired/replaced. I dont want to leave a great house that I put a lot of effort into. I also live in a small town so a place like this isnt easy to come by for the price I pay.
    Though you may also be right that part of me wants to hold onto the past relationship, but Im also trying to remember how much of a dick he was which lead to us breaking up in the first place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear - you are in a tough situation. You were obviously not over him long enough to have started living with him. Try speaking to him soon about leaving as soon as his exams are over. Who has the right to stay in this rental (who signed up with the landlord?) If it's you, and he won't move out, consider using that power to force him to move out, and if you have to, forcing the others to move as well, and getting new roommates. I don't know why your ex would want to stay living there if he was not wanted.
  • latruk

    Posts: 3

    Aug 09, 2013 6:02 PM GMT
    offshore saidWhy are young ppl's life so complicated these days.

    I so got over my ex I can't even remember his name.


    Why do you guys make your life so complicated? Way to much drama. Move on with your life. That's why they are called exes!
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Aug 09, 2013 6:23 PM GMT
    offshore saidWhy are young ppl's life so complicated these days.

    I so got over my ex I can't even remember his name.

    That's... sad.
    Way sader than living with him.
    (Though: living with your ex... I guess it depends, but I'd need a period of separation to get my head straight at the least, personally.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 6:43 PM GMT
    latruk said
    offshore saidWhy are young ppl's life so complicated these days.

    I so got over my ex I can't even remember his name.


    Why do you guys make your life so complicated? Way to much drama. Move on with your life. That's why they are called exes!


    Sometimes LIFE is complicated! In the Gay world exes are different....usually there's a strong bond afterwards. A good thing. Unlike the straight world they usually hate, despise, divorce and get (or conceal) every dime they can.

    To the OP, I had a somewhat similar experience. My ex broke up with me, on the 3rd try I said "enough!" and made it stick. I was ready to move on, but we were still good friends and we owned a house together. We tried living together, but his jealousy reared it's ugly head. And that was just online!
    For the sake of respect and friendship he bought out my half interest. I didn't like suburbia all that much!
  • Irishguy22

    Posts: 66

    Aug 11, 2013 6:52 PM GMT
    Hey I just want to thank all the guys who responded. Ive talked to my ex and its gonna be tough for a while. But we're both gonna work on maintaining a good friendship. I know its not the end of the world and that I'll be fine, but for the moment it hurts and sucks and I think im allowed to feel upset about it once in a while.

    So thanks to all of you guys who gave me some support it means a lot. icon_smile.gif