Would you give up work/school to get a man?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    I'm a busy guy. I work two jobs, one full time one part time. I'm also a full time college student trying to graduate in 3 years. And currently I'm working on landing an internship as well.


    Here comes the problem. I get guys interested in me but it's always work just to schedule some time for them.

    One guy literally told me today it's my fault we never met and that we could have a good connection.

    It made me wonder should I slow down to have more time for guys. Or will quality guys be more understanding?

    What do you guys think?
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    Aug 09, 2013 7:59 PM GMT

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  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Aug 09, 2013 8:13 PM GMT
    While I think the prior advice here is a bit beyond the necessarily emphatic, I'll echo the essential message: you decide your own priority, not anyone else. If your priority is your educational and professional future, then anyone who's not supportive of that and accepting of it is a liability and a distraction and should be removed from your immediate reality. You do what you need to so that you get where you want to be. There will be plenty of men along the way and when you get there who are accepting of and respectful of your priorities.
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    Aug 09, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    NO WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 9:05 PM GMT
    No.

    If I like someone, I'll make time for them, but I'm not going to ignore my career.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 9:45 PM GMT
    Education comes first. Men are like 7-11s...there's one on every corner...even if they do have Slurpees...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 09, 2013 9:48 PM GMT
    Keep on your studies.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 09, 2013 10:11 PM GMT
    DreamerTrs saidKeep on your studies.


    +1. Please please please keep on your studies.

    I'm currently begging two gay boys not to make this same mistake with the men in their lives. When did education stop being important?
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    Aug 09, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    Phillips_73 saidNo.

    If I like someone, I'll make time for them, but I'm not going to ignore my career.



    It's always a question of balance. The "stay focused " thing is BS if you want a full life. It applies to everything .

    When I was in school my profs were obviously broken down, middle age wrecks because they had only had an intellectual focus in their lives. I vowed never to get "professional disease" and it turned out to be a good idea for a sustainable lifestyle.
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    Aug 09, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    No, you never give up your career and education for any guy, that's your foundation for supporting yourself. If you are busy, you need to connect with guys that are mature enough to understand that.
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    Aug 09, 2013 10:43 PM GMT
    You don't have time for a relationship right now man. 2 jobs + school? Don't worry about love right now. I normally think that you should make time for love, but you're so deep into work I don't think you have any choice.
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    Aug 09, 2013 10:58 PM GMT
    All young gay men today know that being in a relationship is more important than everything else. If it's needed to find the man of your dreams you should drop out of school and quit your jobs, even if you have to live in a cardboard box under a bush in the park. Do whatever it takes, otherwise you'll be #foreveralone.
  • fLiP21

    Posts: 48

    Aug 09, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    airforcelungs saidicon_eek.gif HELL FUCKING NO. you seriously thinking about throwing away your future over a guy though? the dude that said is your fault really doesn't give a fuck about you. you're basically watching out for yourself. you're supporting yourself and trying to make your life better. if he really liked you, he would try to work with you, understanding your situation. if he can't understand that you're working 2 jobs and are a full time college student trying to land a scholarship, tell him and any dude telling you to give up your future for them to fuck off. the guy that you are dealing is just a controlling douchebag. you're better off without him.

    I completely agree. You're in college for a reason, don't lose track of your goal! If these guys are blaming you then they're being selfish. The reason why I feel strong about this is because I've been dating a guy who's well into his career and is constantly working more than 50 hours a week. At first I got upset and emotional thinking that he was playing me since he never saw me as often or texted me often. Eventually I luckily came to my senses and realized that he's just that damn busy with work. Considering you have TWO jobs and are a FULL time college student, I am assuming your schedule is always limited to when you can see other guys. This doesn't even include spontaneous events such as family or close friends visiting. If ever, just let know up front that you won't see them on a weekly basic and that it might be like every two weeks or whatever your schedule is like. It'll save you both the hassle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    Live your life. The right guy will come along one day.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 10, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    Lumpynose saidAll young gay men today know that being in a relationship is more important than everything else. If it's needed to find the man of your dreams you should drop out of school and quit your jobs, even if you have to live in a cardboard box under a bush in the park. Do whatever it takes, otherwise you'll be #foreveralone.


    This is actually the way guys think. I'm battling this with a friend right now. I keep explaining that he'll be a better catch plus more secure and happy overall if he prioritizes school/career first for just a while (not forever) but he's panicking about dying alone. He's all of 25 years old. It makes no sense.
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    Aug 10, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    I think most people do start prioritizing their personal lives around 30-ish over the job. That, of course, is after they've reached cruising altitude. Dating is already enough of a pain, no need to compound it by putting yourself into the lower end of the market.

    Not for me, personally. Do I wish I had a partner? Sure, many people do. However I love the things I make more than I seem to like any man, and I don't really see that changing.
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    Aug 10, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    No.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    Gee...dump the part time job and pencil in some dick time.
    Somethings got to give right? All your hetro buds are married with two kids already.
  • berger132

    Posts: 17

    Aug 10, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    For me its a little different but I'm not willing to give up my dreams for someone. I have been dating someone for 6 months and I'm also graduating in December. The problem is I'm planning on going to grad school out of state and he has a great job here. Obviously he isn't going to move for a college kid getting his masters, and I'm not giving up my education for someone even if I really like him. Its a matter of give and take man if you are really meant to be with someone I think it will work out, if not your all that much better from each and every experience.
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    Aug 10, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    Alter your positively productive life to meet guys from Grindr?

    Come on dude! icon_confused.gif
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Aug 10, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    midwesternman saidI'm a busy guy. I work two jobs, one full time one part time. I'm also a full time college student trying to graduate in 3 years. And currently I'm working on landing an internship as well.


    Here comes the problem. I get guys interested in me but it's always work just to schedule some time for them.

    One guy literally told me today it's my fault we never met and that we could have a good connection.

    It made me wonder should I slow down to have more time for guys. Or will quality guys be more understanding?

    What do you guys think?


    You're only 21 years old and are preparing for the future. Presumably within a very few years you will be less pressed for time. Then, when you have more time, you can think about relationships. But, don't put it off for too long!
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    Aug 10, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    NEVER!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    madsexy saidWhile I think the prior advice here is a bit beyond the necessarily emphatic, I'll echo the essential message: you decide your own priority, not anyone else. If your priority is your educational and professional future, then anyone who's not supportive of that and accepting of it is a liability and a distraction and should be removed from your immediate reality. You do what you need to so that you get where you want to be. There will be plenty of men along the way and when you get there who are accepting of and respectful of your priorities.


    TRUE !!
  • heyom

    Posts: 389

    Aug 10, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    FRE0 said

    You're only 21 years old and are preparing for the future. Presumably within a very few years you will be less pressed for time. Then, when you have more time, you can think about relationships. But, don't put it off for too long!


    Personally, I will say the opposite. Not about men, but about time.

    I have found that the older I get, the less time I have to spend with friends. You get more and more responsibilities as time goes by. I mean first its just studying... then its a job, but you usually have to keep learning to grow in any career... then there's kids.... once you have kids... "time" no longer exists... there's only the kids...

    Just how I look at things. Personally, I would ask you how YOU feel about it OP. Do you feel yo are spending too little time doing stuff you want to do living NOW?

    Its not a question of time for a boyfriend as much as it is a question how YOU feel about living this way. the fact you ask that question, makes me wonder if you do not have doubts this is how you want to spend your life now? If yo feel yo are putting off "living" into your future, I will be the first to say... it's unlikely to change. There's a small chance you may settle down comfortably later, but few people can. and not everybody even gets to that age to do so

    Memento mori. If tomorrow was your last day on earth, God forbid,.. how would that make you feel about the life you have lived up to now? Surely it is important to build yourself a life that you want... but could you go tomorrow thinking that you were happy and content about the life you have lived up to now?
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 10, 2013 6:10 AM GMT
    Never, and to do so would be foolish!!!