YOUR FRIEND IS DATING A CHEATER. DO YOU TELL HIM?

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    Aug 11, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    This has happened to me. A friend was dating a guy who had a history of "cheating". My friend didn't know that his bf had a cheating history, tho. Would you tell your friend or not get involved and hope he finds out for himself?
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    Aug 11, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    I would tell him, as hard as it would be.
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    Aug 12, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    A cheating "history"? Who is keeping tabs on him and how reliable is this information? If it's just rumors and innuendo.......keep it to yourself.

    Nor does it say he is currently cheating. Even IF he had cheated before, this could be the love of his life, and sworn off any outside activities! You could really fuck things up! You could destroy a perfectly good relationship, the alleged "cheater" and your good friend. AND say good-by to that friendship.
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    Aug 12, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    Yes I would, gossiping would be good in this case. Don't tell the whole damn world though, only tell it to the people who actually matter which is your friend. Just give him caution sign pretty much
  • rnch

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    Aug 12, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    NONE of my business icon_exclaim.gif

    If he would ask me I would tell him what I had "heard" about his new bf.

    Not until then.
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    Aug 12, 2013 1:22 AM GMT
    rnch saidNONE of my business icon_exclaim.gif

    If he would ask me I would tell him what I had "heard" about his new bf.

    Not until then.


    Better yet, if your going to stick your nose into it, ask the so called "cheater"!

    I was the recipient of such gossip. My ex broke up with me 3 times. One one of those (I don't remember which) I said "fuck it" I might as well get laid at least. I ran into his best friend Bruce at the local whore house. I openly talked to him. I was a bartender for years, a lot of people knew me. Hardly the place to go if I was sneaking around!

    Years later he told my ex I had cheating on him! As far as he knew (or forgot) we only broke up once at the end. My motto has always been "when I'm single I'm a slut, when I'm married I'm monogamous." Bruce died years ago, but that "legacy" left me feeling damaged.....and my ex's too! 13 years later the "question" gets revisited. I can't/won't cheat. My first lover cheated on me. I can't do it to someone I loved.

    Get the whole story.
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    Aug 12, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    It depends on the type of relationship you have with that friend..
    In my closest circle of friends it would be ok..
    ..Then I have "not so close friends" that would just turn concern into drama.
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    Well, do you guys believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    hellass saidWell, do you guys believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"


    I don't. I believe the history gives you some idea of his value set but I've seen fantastic seemingly monogamous relationships for guys who used to be big cheaters and/or sluts. Sometimes people change, ya know (and sometimes they don't).
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    seanp7 said
    hellass saidWell, do you guys believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"


    I don't. I believe the history gives you some idea of his value set but I've seen fantastic seemingly monogamous relationships for guys who used to be big cheaters and/or sluts. Sometimes people change, ya know (and sometimes they don't).


    For the record, I'm not saying I believe that saying. Just curious as to what others think. But that's very open minded of u icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    hellass saidWell, do you guys believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"

    If he is a sex addict or gets off on the thrill of new men,then yes, but other than that no.
    I feel men cheat for a reason; usually unhappy sexually, if they find the man that fulfills all his needs he will not have to cheat.
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    seanp7 said
    I don't. I believe the history gives you some idea of his value set but I've seen fantastic seemingly monogamous relationships for guys who used to be big cheaters and/or sluts. Sometimes people change, ya know (and sometimes they don't).


    Thanks--I was young and didn't need the money.
  • AMoonHawk

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    Aug 13, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    Are they married or mutually exclusive? If not, then he is not cheating and unless you actually saw them having sex you have no proof they actually had sex.
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    Aug 13, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidAre they married or mutually exclusive? If not, then he is not cheating and unless you actually saw them having sex you have no proof they actually had sex.


    I know he cheated on another bf. But he's with a new guy now and it's very serious. But his new bf has no idea that he cheated on past bfs.
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    Aug 13, 2013 12:28 AM GMT
    hellass said
    AMoonHawk saidAre they married or mutually exclusive? If not, then he is not cheating and unless you actually saw them having sex you have no proof they actually had sex.


    I know he cheated on another bf. But he's with a new guy now and it's very serious. But his new bf has no idea that he cheated on past bfs.


    How serious is serious? Opening up about each other's pasts is serious. Have they not done that yet?

    -intrigued
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    Aug 13, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    Not a good idea to become a tattle-tale, IMO. I did this once - my sister's husband was cheating on her and his friends bragged about it to me (not knowing I was the brother of the woman being cheated on). So - I went ahead and carefully told my sister. My message was not appreciated. We've not really been very friendly since. Years later she and the cheater got divorced. I should have kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it. They sometimes DO shoot the messenger!
  • AmaboTe

    Posts: 30

    Aug 13, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    I've been in this situation, and I told my friend the truth.

    "Sorry, but your boyfriend just hit me up on A4A - here's a copy of the messages."
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    Aug 13, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    None of your business unless your friend ask for your opinion; in that case that's a good time and place to speak out YOUR opinion about him as long as it's tactful.
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    Aug 13, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    Of course I would tell him.. I don't see Why I wouldn't or even Why it would be hard to tell him...... ( -_-) Im confused by this question...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2013 7:44 AM GMT
    No. Send his bf an anonymous message
    note.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    Maybe :S

    I'm not a gossip boy, don't like to get into relationships outside but if give some advice about it...

    I love him so much but its something weird icon_razz.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 13, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    Perhaps I am wrong...but I seem to detect a certain amount of petty revenge/payback/getback in the OP's remarks on this thread icon_question.gif
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    Aug 13, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    hellass saidWell, do you guys believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"

    Label me morbid, but yes.
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    Aug 13, 2013 10:59 PM GMT
    rnch saidPerhaps I am wrong...but I seem to detect a certain amount of petty revenge/payback/getback in the OP's remarks on this thread icon_question.gif


    haha not at all. just curious what other people think about the subject.
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    Aug 14, 2013 1:09 AM GMT
    hellass saidThis has happened to me. A friend was dating a guy who had a history of "cheating". My friend didn't know that his bf had a cheating history, tho. Would you tell your friend or not get involved and hope he finds out for himself?


    I would definitely tell. I'd be a horrible friend if I didn't alert my friend about the risk.