Broke up with my BF today; is it my fault the relationship didn't work?

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    Aug 12, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    I just broke up with my BF, not the way I wanted to though. I tried calling him and telling him, but he never answered so I left him a voicemail; he still hasn't responded back from my call so I assume he got the message. I assume he got the message just because I have not heard from him in 4 days. That was the big problem though, whenever I would check to see how he was doing; he would wait about 4 days to respond back. Whenever I would ask if he was okay after not hearing from him for so long; he would say "yes, just been busy."

    I feel like it is my fault because we live about 40 minutes away from each other; although we were only available to see each other about once or twice a week, I would ask every day to see how he was doing. Recently he had a cancer scare( thankfully it was a false alarm). The problem was whenever I asked if he got the results from the doctor, he would never respond. Another red flag was after 1 month of being together, he would stop saying "I Love You", even in bed. The only time he ever asked how I was doing was when he wanted to have sex. I feel like I could have done more for the relationship to work.

    What do you think? Any advice would be very helpful
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    Aug 12, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    to the last sentence... No, anyone reading this can definitely say that he is the one who couldv'e done more to make it work. It seems like he was keeping some secret or was seeing other guys, theres nothing you can do to force someone to want to be in a relationship if they don't feel that way. Maybe hes just a private person who's not ready and felt like he got himself into something he couldnt handle.
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    Aug 12, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    What!!!!

    You dumped him with a voice mail????

    --so you're that guy.
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    Aug 12, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    You did nothing wrong, man. Some men are just assholes. His loss. Why would you break up with him over the phone message, though? It is better to do that in person, or at least with him on the line.
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    Aug 12, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    ThatGuy78 saidYou did nothing wrong, man. Some men are just assholes. His loss. Why would you break up with him over the phone message, though? It is better to do that in person, or at least with him on the line.


    I know, I hated to do it by voicemail; but when I tried to meet him in person he said he was busy; the same thing he has been saying the past few weeks, so sadly to say this was the only way I could think of to possibly do it
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    Aug 12, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    Whats done is done. Dumb move and you've admitted it. Just be mindful about such matters if the next guy turns out to be incompatible.

    Just being pragmatic about this

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    Aug 12, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    Curious as to how long you were together and how serious your relationship was. This all seems like maybe you were casually dating versus in a relationship based on your communication and frequency.
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    Aug 12, 2013 3:41 AM GMT
    Sounds like he broke up with you long before you called him and he was too cowardly to say anything.

    You're better without him.
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    Aug 12, 2013 7:10 AM GMT
    I had a feeling you were just a booty call for him! Lol, harsh but whatever I'm not going to sugar coat it! You two live far away, he only say ILY when he wants sex and ignore you for days lol! Anyway, move on buddy, you did nothing wrong.


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    Aug 12, 2013 7:38 AM GMT
    He was saying "I love you" in the first month of dating? That should have been your flag right there. I doubt this guy really knew what love is to begin with.
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    Aug 12, 2013 10:38 AM GMT
    It's important to have a "Clean break" if you decide to end a relationship.

    ..Otherwise you'll end up preoccupied with a bunch of what ifs.
    I wonder what would have happened if you told him face to face what you told us icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:01 AM GMT
    I think your pics make it seem like you two have been long apart...
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:43 AM GMT
    Actions always speak more than words. So just observing their behaviors, body language, facial expression, listening to their tone and attitude communicates 80% of whats on their mind. 20% is just the words that fill the silence.

    A few months ago i broke with my bf, because he didn't know how to communicate. I feel so sorry for all the guys that only know how to communicate thru FB/LINE/Txt message. When push comes to shove, he didn't know how to say directly to my face what was really on his mind. But he didn't have to cause i could read it all over his face, body, and listen to his tone of voice.

    My ex would never take the initiative to tell me when sudden changes occur in his schedule due to his job as a musician. During the month he went on tour, we scheduled to meet on the last sunday of that month. When i call to confirm our plans, i find out he had changed his schedule and will not be able to make it. And that one time he already knew for a few days and didn't bother to take the initiative to tell me. On top of that i find out from him, he could have taken the early flight home back to Taipei and we could still meetup. But no, he chose to spend that day in Macao to visit his "friends". So we ended up meeting the Monday instead. Sitting on the early 7am train ride up to Taipei to visit him i was contemplating whether i should give him a chance and not breakup. I really wanted to break up with him, cause the Macao thing was not the only time he let me down. But i decided to give him a chance. Its not that i can't handle his sudden change in his schedule, but not even sending a txt or call me up to let me know was by far worse. Finding out afterwards always sucks, it really does. So I reach Taipei and i called him up where he was at and low and behold, he responded and said that hes taking care of a work emergency and won't be there for another 30min or so. So i asked him when did you find out about this work emergency? He said he received a call from his boss at 7am, and i thought i was on the train at 7am and again he couldn't take a few seconds to text me and let me know that he will be late. If this is our dates and meetups go, forget the bigger pictures in life, seriously! I waited until he came, and broke up with him. I said what i had to say and i gave him a chance to rebuttal, and sat there in silence for a good 5 minutes. Then i left cause he couldn't even tell me anything to my face. Worst communicator of all the ex's by far.

    I felt relieved afterwards, closed off all connections, and just walked forward. When you reach your limit just move on. Some people will never grow up. I told him: "An adult is how you treat people around with respect not how much money you have in your bank account. Just grow up, i mean seriously!"

    So don't feel bad that he never responded or that you broke up via voicemail. I don't think you are missing out on anything bud! At the end the person on the inside outweights their exterior. Cheers and look forward!

    ^^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2013 11:47 AM GMT
    There is a lot he could have done to make this relationship work too, which he apparently wasn't. Breaking up with someone on phone is harsh, but it seems to me that it was for the best.
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    Aug 12, 2013 12:07 PM GMT
    The voicemail thing. *smh* As for the rest in hindsight there is always a better solution but you did what u could at the time. Learn and move on.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 12, 2013 12:23 PM GMT
    I "echo" some of the others who view the voicemail as a downer, but if you aren't communicating, why continue the relationship?

    I was very much surprised to hear the "4 day" thing, with comments like "I've been busy". If that doesn't tell you what you need to know, what does?
    He's communicating with you even though you aren't talking. He is saying, "you aren't a priority and other things are". Now we all have important things in life, but my partner ranks at the top.

    Move on and learn from this experience. I have long distance relationships and I almost NEVER not talk every day and with texting, I hear more often than once.
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    Aug 12, 2013 12:36 PM GMT
    Seems you both checked out emotionally somewhere along the line - he more than you. A voicemail was the perfect ending.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Aug 13, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    It wasn't your fault that it didn't work. It sounds like he was emotionally unavoidable. I was recently involved with someone like him. You tried to reach him, but men like him are just unreachable for reasons out of your control. You can only control yourself. Your needs weren't being met, so you ended it and are now moving on. Good! Seriously, don't blame yourself.
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    Aug 13, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidHe was saying "I love you" in the first month of dating? That should have been your flag right there. I doubt this guy really knew what love is to begin with.


    Skittlegangsta, if we'd listened to you and taken your advice when we first met, Bill and I would not be together.



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    Aug 13, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    cjs, that you had to break up with him all by yourself should tell you something about him. Has he contacted you yet?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Aug 13, 2013 5:47 AM GMT
    Hillie saidThe voicemail thing. *smh* As for the rest in hindsight there is always a better solution but you did what u could at the time. Learn and move on.




    My emotionally unavailable first responder bf broke up with me (the first time) via text messaging, the last time by e-mail.

    How's that for coldness!



    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    meninlove saidcjs, that you had to break up with him all by yourself should tell you something about him. Has he contacted you yet?


    No he actually has not icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 13, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    cjs176 said
    meninlove saidcjs, that you had to break up with him all by yourself should tell you something about him. Has he contacted you yet?


    No he actually has not icon_sad.gif


    Good grief and it's been how many days?
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Aug 13, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    rnch said
    Hillie saidThe voicemail thing. *smh* As for the rest in hindsight there is always a better solution but you did what u could at the time. Learn and move on.




    My emotionally unavailable first responder bf broke up with me (the first time) via text messaging, the last time by e-mail.

    How's that for coldness!



    icon_eek.gif


    Twice? You know the old saying: Fool me once . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
    That must have been the saddest or most exciticing voicemail, he has recieved in his life. I hope for your sake atleast he was sad about it and wish he couldve done more. But something tells me he feels like he has won a lotto. Hope im wrong. Anyway u know him better.