Relationship advice? Help? Do I stay or go?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    So basically after 5 years I left my boyfriend to explore, realized it was a huge mistake and then we tried to fix things, but he eventually left me for someone else he met when we got back together.

    After a few months he's realized he still loves me and has come back to fix things (He's been back and forth between me and this other guy around 5 times now)I stupidly keep taking him back because I love him.

    I've been left numb and confused. However now I'm stuck. All I wanted to do is fix us and go back to the way things were. But my dream has always been to move the city, and my friend is offering my a place to stay with her.

    I hate my job, I hate my country town. I hate feeling so isolated. I haven't explored yet either. He slept with a couple of guys but I emotionally wasn't ready because I was too heartbroken. We've been together since I was 15. He's 3 years older than me. He wants to just find someone to love and buy a house with... I want to go out every weekend and hook up and move my life to the city. Just as I was leaving after he left me again for this other guy I told him I was moving to the city. He's now come straight back to me and we're back together.

    But my dream is still to live in the city, I still want to go out clubbing and have fun.

    He doesn't want that. Should I just sacrifice my dreams and hope things get better? Or after 5 years should I leave him and find myself as a person?

    I love him more than anything in this world, and he's the only person to make me feel not alone. But we're so different compared to when I was 15. I want to be single for awhile, I want to move away and find myself. But I don't want to lose him, I do want the same things as him. Just not yet. I love him. What do I do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 7:03 PM GMT
    You want different things. Move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 7:20 PM GMT
    Relationships, like the people in them, change.

    He sounds level headed and you want to party and have a good time. Nothing wrong with either!

    You sound stifled. I was the same way when I was your age, sometimes I still want to roam, soar and do things alone.

    "I want to be single for awhile, I want to move away and find myself. But I don't want to lose him, I do want the same things as him. Just not yet. I love him. What do I do?"

    You may need to do just that. Maybe in 2 or 5 or 10 years you will both be on the same level, or at a complimentary one. If the friendship is as strong as the love, and you are will to gamble on losing a lover but keeping the love and friendship, it may be the best thing for you.


    Certainly NOT "after 5 years should I leave him and find myself as a person."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 8:44 PM GMT
    You've been with him since 15 and now you're 20. You need to put that relationship on hold and go out and be a 20 year old. Meet new people, do new things. You will benefit from the experiences you have and all your future relationships will benefit because of it also.

    If he's still around after a few years and you're still interested then consider him but be a young guy and don't lock yourself into one single person so early. How do you even know what other options there are in a relationship if you've only ever been in the one? There's so much to learn from being in relationship, having sex with more than one person, learning what you like, what you don't, what is negotiable, what is not.

    Go, spread your wings, fly and see what there is outside of the nest you've been in since 15.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 8:53 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidYou've been with him since 15 and now you're 20. You need to put that relationship on hold and go out and be a 20 year old. Meet new people, do new things. You will benefit from the experiences you have and all your future relationships will benefit because of it also.

    If he's still around after a few years and you're still interested then consider him but be a young guy and don't lock yourself into one single person so early. How do you even know what other options there are in a relationship if you've only ever been in the one? There's so much to learn from being in relationship, having sex with more than one person, learning what you like, what you don't, what is negotiable, what is not.

    Go, spread your wings, fly and see what there is outside of the nest you've been in since 15.


    You sure do give good advice and listen to people. There are some problems that I haven't gotten over since I was fifteen.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 13, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    When you have to ask, you already know the answer.
    The relationship was over BEFORE you broke up.
    Accept it, and move on.
    HE'S NOT THE ONLY GUY OUT THERE.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 13, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidWhen you have to ask, you already know the answer.
    The relationship was over BEFORE you broke up.
    Accept it, and move on.
    HE'S NOT THE ONLY GUY OUT THERE.


    What if I had a crush on this particular person for years and he never knew that I existed?