Baked Beans, funny as hell!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2008 8:57 PM GMT
    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it
    became apparent that we would marry,*

    *I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the
    way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I
    called my husband and told him that I would be late because
    I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and
    the odor of baked beans was more than I could s tand. With
    miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
    effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
    diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large
    orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I
    released ALL the gas.

    Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and
    exclaimed delightedly:*

    *'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!'*

    He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
    table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my
    blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to
    touch the blindfold until*

    *he returned and went to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and
    the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my
    husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity,
    shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only
    loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
    skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my
    lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
    The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
    other room,*

    *I went on like this for another few minutes.*

    The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the
    telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I
    quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
    placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling
    very relieved and pleased with myself.
    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my
    husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked
    me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him
    I had not.
    At this point, he removed the blindfold,*

    *and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:*

    *'Happy Birthday!'

    I fainted ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    LMAO...OMG!!! LOL
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Nov 15, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    OUT-RIGHT HILARIOUS!!!! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    You need to submit your story to Reader's Digest. I have no doubt you would win a cash prize.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2008 12:33 AM GMT
    that story smells a little suspicious.

    Funny Video Smart Beep Ad (Lady Farts in Car)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    Wonderful! That was hilarious! You made me smile. I heart you.