I'm coming out to my mom tonight

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    Hey guys so i'm kind of feeling incredibly nervous about doing this tonight! I decided to come out this year in school and to my family in Florida and I was truly surprised with how everything went. Everyone was great about it and supportive, I couldn't be happier, but the only people I did not tell were my mom and those on her side of the family. At the moment I am visiting my mom to see her and her family one last time before I go off to college. Everyone over here doesn't know I am gay because they are.... conservative about the sanctity of marriage. They all have very strong religious values and believe in what the Bible says about one man and one woman, homosexuality is wrong, etc. So I am really just afraid of how it's going to turn out and I don't have the support here like I do back home in Florida. I also forgot to mention that my mom is a pastor and she even housed a kid from church so she could "turn him straight" so that just adds on to my worries.

    I usually don't worry of what others think but this is my mom... I don't want our relationship to change because of something that wasn't my choice. I don't really know how to tell her either but I guess I'll just have to see what happens in the moment. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 14, 2013 2:42 PM GMT
    I was in the same situation, my mom is very religious and I had to really do some talking (and crying) to get her to understand that nothing about our relationship had to change, I was still the same person and that I was only being truthful about who I am. It was a risk, but it worked out and it was the best thing to do in the end. Hopefully, this will work out for you and your mom won't see you any differently. If she doesn't, then at least you have some family support elsewhere to fall back on.
  • mladri

    Posts: 264

    Aug 14, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    good luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 14, 2013 2:51 PM GMT
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 14, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    Good luck to you, guy. Be brave. Maybe this will start your mother down the road of thinking for herself instead of blindly following some stupid interpretation of some stupid religion. It could be a transformative event for her. Polls show the reason the country is changing its mind about gays is because of people coming out. They realize the error in their thinking (or religion) when they realize they know a gay person and he or she is fine.
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    Aug 14, 2013 2:59 PM GMT
    Hey don't be so worried. I promise you will feel so much better when you do. You get to be you all the time and that is such a great place to be. I worried too and everyone does, but you know - worry doesn't change a damn thing. It doesn't make ANYTHING better or worse! Really! Nothing! If it did I'd say worry more!! Worry just gives you a headache or nauseated stomach.....doesn't help. My money is that when it is all said and done you'll still be a living, breathing human being. You'll be the same person before and after you come out to her. Walk in give mom a big hug and then let it out.
  • shoelessj

    Posts: 511

    Aug 14, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    Everyone here is behind you. Just tell her what you told us (and more), don't argue with her or get angry with her if it goes in that direction, just reiterate that you love her and she matters to you and this is not something you just decided to try one day and thought it'd be cool or whatever.

    It could be rocky, but t'll work out. She may need time, but i'm pretty sure it'll be alright. Best of luck to you!
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:02 PM GMT
    Good luck man. Just remember that she'll need time to process it all and what she first responds with may change over time and once she's had time to think things out.

    The important part is that you let her know who you really are and that it's not some fad you're going through and that you know there's no way to change the being that God created. There will probably be many tears shed, that's a good thing. Just be sure that you let her know how much you love her.

    I'm guessing it won't be as bad as you think but do let us know how it went and what was the most helpful. It might be a big help to the next guy that goes through the same thing.


  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 14, 2013 3:10 PM GMT
    breathe123 saidHey don't be so worried. I promise you will feel so much better when you do. You get to be you all the time and that is such a great place to be. I worried too and everyone does, but you know - worry doesn't change a damn thing. It doesn't make ANYTHING better or worse! Really! Nothing! If it did I'd say worry more!! Worry just gives you a headache or nauseated stomach.....doesn't help. My money is that when it is all said and done you'll still be a living, breathing human being. You'll be the same person before and after you come out to her. Walk in give mom a big hug and then let it out.

    Well said. Smart.
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:15 PM GMT
    Good luck! I am coming out to my friend tonight! She is gay and I'm hoping she can help me with coming out to my parents. Mom will have no issue (I think) but not so sure about Dad...

    Anyway, turn to your friends. They've helped you before and they'll help you now!

    Still easier said than done!
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    eb925guy said

    I'm guessing it won't be as bad as you think but do let us know how it went and what was the most helpful. It might be a big help to the next guy that goes through the same thing.




    Absolutely!
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    know her mood before making the move

    love & prayers
    go for it
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 14, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    Well good luck and best wishes. I would tell your mother (only) at this point. As you said, she is your mother and I think your sharing of this important consideration should start with her. If you have issues, I wouldn't say much more and try and work it through with her first (even if it takes some time).

    Interesting situation, glad you have such support from the other side of your family in Florida. Just don't be too shocked if you get some negativism, sounds like you are pretty realistic about it all. Just make it about you and your mother and make that work if possible. Best of luck and let us know how it goes!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    Good luck tonight and be sure to keep us updated on how things turned out! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    Good luck man.
    Don't forget to share your story, waiting for good news icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    Zeriel saidknow her mood before making the move

    love & prayers
    go for it


    Good advice for dealing with everyone.

    Ask her first if this is a good time to talk about something important to you.

    I add my prayers for you to all the others you'll receive here.
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    Thank you so much for the support. I will be sure to keep you guys updated after I talk with her. Whether the news be good or bad. After she knows I will be completely out! I appreciate the prayers and advice dearly, you have no idea how much they help. Thank you icon_smile.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Aug 14, 2013 3:45 PM GMT
    get her a book of information, and a link to resources so she has something to read or look up later.

    "is it a choice" is a good one.

    pflag
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    Also just remember that while you've been thinking about this for a long time, it will be new to her, and you'll need to give her some time. She may react really badly, but you need to be strong and understand that this may be very emotional for her and she may lash out. This is where you need to be the responsible adult and let her just wail and not take it personally.
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:47 PM GMT
    The hardest part will be the first 2 seconds. After that, it gets better.
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    Best of luck to you man. If things don't too well just play the waiting game. It will take a bit for your family to sort things out, but they will still love you.

    I recently came out to my brother and sister and it went well so I really hope the best for you man.

    Feel free to message me if you have any questions.
  • BuckeyeJock13

    Posts: 44

    Aug 14, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    My advice is hope for the best, but expect the worst. Chances are it will and somewhere in the middle. When I came out to my parents I guessed wrong how each would react. My mom was not supportive at first and still struggles to this day...it's been 10 years. My dad who is more religious and conservative dealt with it better to the point that he recently told me he supports gay marriage. So you just never know. You are right to do it...I felt like not telling was living a lie. Just know that whatever the reaction it's on her and not you. I know my mom's reaction messed me up for a while...but how your mom deals with it is not on you. Be strong and have a good support system.
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    Aug 14, 2013 3:51 PM GMT
    I guarantee you she already knows, all mom's always do. I think you have nothing to worry about, and I am sure you have made her very proud. A mother is probably one of the few people you will meet in your entire life who will love you unconditionally.
    Take a deep breath, and go for it, keep us posted stud.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Aug 14, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    You will always be her son.
    She will always be your Mom.

    No matter what happens after "the talk" the parent/child connection does not change.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 14, 2013 3:59 PM GMT
    QSHLTBBFNTNFAGQKHJK said'some stupid interpretation of some stupid religion' ??

    well, her mother is a pastor and any religion with millions of followers won't change what is written in the main worship book anytime. icon_wink.gif

    If you feel pressurised enough,just take your time dude. Some things are left to be unsaid to some parents or either give a hint to her instead of sudden shock lol (it's just lies that it's really easy coming out, which many homos preached) but whatever you decided is your choice . Have a good life.


    Ya. Stupid interpretation of a book that was written for sheep. All religion is a construct to explain what wasn't known and provide a template for living for people who couldn't read and needed to follow someone else because they couldn't think for themselves. That people still follow it is stupid. And Christians who follow the old testament when even their "Christ" told them to stop and start being nice to each other is the height of stupidity. And mean-ness.