My first love, followed by immediate heartbreak. Help :(

  • BlakeWind

    Posts: 61

    Aug 14, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    hi guyz
  • BlakeWind

    Posts: 61

    Aug 14, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    this topic was way too awkward to keep.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Aug 14, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Honey. No.

    There was no break up - there was no "relationship" it was just dating. You owe each other nothing after two dates.

    He probably just wasn't that into you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    Ask yourself why so many people your age (and even mine) are ok with texting people they've never met, but find talking on the phone "weird". The answer is that it's an issue of intimacy. Texting is a glorified form of voyeurism that still allows people to keep their distance if they so choose. You should never consider texting a way of starting any sort of friendship or relationship. Those start in person with time spent together.

    Don't get me wrong, I find texting very useful for keeping in touch with people I know around the world. That said, I met all of those people in person first and started friendships with them that way. Texting is unfortunately skewing people's ideas of what real friendships and relationships are. Recognize that technology is meant to enhance a friendship or relationship by maintaining them, not to start them. Don't pour your heart and soul into any friendship or relationship that has no interpersonal component to it yet. When there's nothing tangible yet it is so easy for a guy or girl to just ax you without feeling bad about it.

    Here's my advice: if you're using technology (Grindr included) for anything beyond a hookup, don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Meet in person as quickly as you can (this is natural if both of you are looking for a relationship) and start getting to know each other in real life. When someone has to put physical memories to you, they will not be able to cut you off so easily. Be reluctant to use technology to build relationship; it's best used to maintain the current level of relationship you already have with someone in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear this,
    Often many a times truth hurts, but a bitter truth is far better than sweet lie.
    truth is that, your feelings didn't just reflected in his shallow heart. And sad part is that you were told late after you have feelings for him...
    accept the facts...stand up...take a bath...put on some good clothes...go out for a walk or meet friends...sooner or later you will rediscover that there are there far more important things which require your presence and there are many people out there who still love you & will not treat you like he did.

    It takes time for the wounds to heal, be strong, your strength will alleviate the pain much sooner, don't contemplate on it, it'll only makes worse.

    don't think too much on which had already happened, focus on what needs to be done & yours is the victory.

    **hugs**
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Aug 14, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    When I was about your age, I finally met a nice gay man, we had sex - my first time, and I was sure I was in love.
    I told him how I felt, and he was very nice and understanding but told me I wasn't in love with him. I was feeling something, sure, but it wasn't love.
    I tried to tell him that I was sure, but he was right. I wasn't in love with him, I was feeling loved and needed for the first time in my life. I had been lonely, and now a nice guy showed me affection. I was in love with the thought of being in love - mixed with lust, too.

    You're not going though something that a million guys haven't gone through before - myself included.
    I used to hate it when people would say - "when you're older - you'll understand." But, that's what I'm going to say to you. You've had an experience that made you feel good, special, excited - and that's all great. And, when you do meet a guy and the love is real, then it will be that much better.

    Just don't confuse attention and affection with love. And, don't confuse sex with love. You've made an important step in understand the complexities of love - and it can be very confusing and difficult to understand. When the time comes and you truly fall in love you'll understand the difference.
    Chalk this up to a learning experience, hold your head up, and keep going. Date, have fun, even have sex (safely) just keep your emotions in check and you'll be alright. And, look for other venues to meet guys to date. Guys on sites like grindr, even if you talk to them a lot before meeting, are mostly looking to get laid and nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2013 5:25 PM GMT
    Ah first love. It sucks the most and it will stay with you for the rest if your life! And this is actually pretty common - the good part is that you've actually met the guy unlike someone here...icon_redface.gif YES - I did "fall in love" with someone I never met years ago and was crushed when I found out about his boyfriend. And let me tell you that it's a worse feeling then just rejection because you also have rejection and jealousy mashed up into one giant super ball. But you live and you grow. You find ways to distract yourself from the pain.

    I agree a good way is to do a little light dating. Don't look for a relationship just meet people.

    And get off Grindr... It really isn't surprising that you guys didn't work out. Not that you can't meet classy people but chances aren't that great.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidAh first love. It sucks the most and it will stay with you for the rest if your life! And this is actually pretty common - the good part is that you've actually met the guy unlike someone here...icon_redface.gif YES - I did "fall in love" with someone I never met years ago and was crushed when I found out about his boyfriend. And let me tell you that it's a worse feeling then just rejection because you also have rejection and jealousy mashed up into one giant super ball. But you live and you grow. You find ways to distract yourself from the pain.



    tumblr_molfaaqJL31ssw667o1_500.gif

    tumblr_lo3l0e044k1qh05zjo1_500.gif

    EDIT: I see how it is, you know what-

    tumblr_m4jmagE2V21qzllfmo1_250.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
    BlakeWind said

    @ icebuckets-

    I am sorry to hear about that. I could imagine that hurt you a lot. I am glad that you can relate to what I went through at least. It's very painful. I honestly consider that he might have just left me because he found someone else, because that just did not seem like a reason to leave someone so quickly. Didn't seem logical, especially after how well we got along. The thing that gets to me so bad though, so that i REALLY feel like he led me on. Just seems so weird to me. And it bothers/hurts me really bad. And I feel like i will NEVER know the real reason.

    Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Relationships that are like this (starting over inter web ) aren't very reliable or logical. You see someone, get turned on, explore that and realize that they weren't all that great to begin with and now you're bored. I can't say if he purposefully LED you on. You most likely will never know and ill tell you it's probably because he got bored, that's how a lot of men are.

    From what I understand is that he gave you the benefit of respecting you by telling you it wasn't working. I've never had that myself of the nearly 10 guys I've dated? I don't mean to have a shitting contest but I'm just trying to make you see that it isn't the worst thing in the world what happened and you will heal and get over it as much as it hurts now.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 14, 2013 8:47 PM GMT
    Oh, you dear sweet boy.
    I wish I could give you a hug and make it all better.

    I tend to fall in love WAY too quickly, and have had my share of heart break. So, you're not alone in that respect.

    The only thing I can see that you did wrong was to beg him to take you back.
    You know what a great catch you are.
    And, many thousands of guys would agree with you.
    It just happened that this guy was looking for something else.
    Shrug.
    And, you're imagining a million possible reasons why, wishing you could have done something different, or something better, when you were just being wonderful you.
    So, stop beating yourself up.

    Rejection is a sad part of dating, same as looking for a job.
    Don't give up.
    Roll your eyes and put out the "U-R-Next" sign, and keep putting it out until you find the right guy, the guy who deserves you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2013 12:48 AM GMT
    Wow.. Look what you posted. Well this behavior alone confirms how I felt. Everyone goes through heartbreak, but it is not appropriate for you to be putting my business online like this. I would like you to take this down.

    And also, please change your other forum posts where you call me your ex-boyfriend. That is not true in the least.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    Weird, because closet cases always seem to be the classiest people on Grindr. How could this not have worked out?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2013 12:53 AM GMT
    Dj2289 saidWow.. Look what you posted. Well this behavior alone confirms how I felt. Everyone goes through heartbreak, but it is not appropriate for you to be putting my business online like this. I would like you to take this down.

    And also, please change your other forum posts where you call me your ex-boyfriend. That is not true in the least.

    PS- learn how to suck a dick.

    tumblr_moa640fUap1rcy99do1_500.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 28, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    Sadly, infatuation is quite normal. Google it. I HATE that this is part of the human condition, and that we must ALL go through it. You don't forget them, but you do get over it eventually. Think of it this way, you have a big heart, and one day you will meet someone who deserves it. And keep coming here for support, there are caring guys on here.