making straight friends

  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Aug 15, 2013 4:42 AM GMT
    In the years after finishing grad school, it's become more and more inconvenient to catch up with my college buddies since most of them including myself have moved to other cities around the world (it's not like anyone ever plans to stay in Ithaca). When I moved to New York the first friends I made were gay, since we have lots in common and talk about guys and such. And from there my social circle grew exponentially... with more gays. I feel like a plant in a greenhouse.

    I have a couple of golf and surfing buddies who are straight, but we hang out like once a month, usually specifically to golf or surf. Occasionally at a cottage trip I'd make some new straight friends, but it's always very cordial, and hanging out further always require Facebook coordination. Whereas my closest gay friends I see at least three times a week without ever planning for it. There's a lot of inertia that's preventing me from changing this, but how?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Aug 15, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Why do you want to change things?

    Sounds like you have a few friends, Gay and Straight, that fulfill your social needs.

    It's natural for us to develop relationships that make us happy and comfortable. We shouldn't spend our time worrying if we've move straight than Gay friends, more women than men, more white than black and vice versa.

    Don't stress it.

    Lozx
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    Aug 15, 2013 11:10 AM GMT
    Guess we're the opposite.

    I usually am WAY better friends with straight people, whereas gays I can acquaint with, but as of yet, haven't had the pleasure of having many close gay friends. I know many gays, but usually we just see each other out or get invites to the same parties, not really talk about our relationships and stuff.

    I think time will always lead you to have more gay friends, I mean, we clearly do have similar interests, sexually at least hehe and sex is a huge topic of conversation! So don't feel like an odd ball for having many gay friends.
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    Aug 15, 2013 3:43 PM GMT
    I'd love to have more friends in general. The ones I have now, for the most part, can be slightly flakey, and/or I don't hear from them unless I call. I really don't have any straight male friends.

    Anyway, my advice is to be proactive, and not only make it a point to make new friends, but do more with the straight friends you do have.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Aug 15, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    tanbod saidGuess we're the opposite.

    I usually am WAY better friends with straight people, whereas gays I can acquaint with, but as of yet, haven't had the pleasure of having many close gay friends. I know many gays, but usually we just see each other out or get invites to the same parties, not really talk about our relationships and stuff.

    I think time will always lead you to have more gay friends, I mean, we clearly do have similar interests, sexually at least hehe and sex is a huge topic of conversation! So don't feel like an odd ball for having many gay friends.


    Yeah same here. My straight friends outnumber my gay friends by a mile, and they are the ones I confide in.

    Maybe one way would be like how others always suggest to join gay groups, but this time you actually have more options because you can just join any activity group and you'd meet straight friends.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Aug 15, 2013 4:25 PM GMT
    I find it sooo much easier having straight friends.. There are far more of them in the world in my case.

    The only gay friends I have are here on Realjock. The only gays guys I talk to IRL are either my ex or guys who are interested in me (and more often than not, not my type icon_sad.gif )
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Aug 15, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    I guess I didn't realize what the ratio of gay-to-straight friends I have. Having completed that task, I would say I have more straight friends than gay friends. And looking at and/or thinking about each of them, I'd say that I tend to meet straight friends at work or in sports, and I tend to meet gay friends more often when I'm out at bars or at gay-ish events. I'd also say there may be an adverse selection effect. A lot of gay guys are harder to be friends with because of some of the often-seen issues (drug use, for one).
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 15, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    There's such a thing as gay friends? I thought gays only had ex-fuck buds.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Aug 15, 2013 4:53 PM GMT
    I have straight friends male and female married and single ....I live in a very small community of about 800 people ...I am the only gay here
    I have gay friends
    and lesbian friends ( do lesbians count as proper gays ...Im still not sure )
    what I am sure of is I have the best friends in the world icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 15, 2013 5:37 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidThere's such a thing as gay friends? I thought gays only had ex-fuck buds.


    Really? Maybe it's Bay Area culture, but I find it much easier to find gay friends than FBs or dates (could also mean I'm unattrractive, but I don't think so)

    I think over time it's normal to end up with more gay friends. Beyond sex, there's a lot of shared experience, inside jokes, etc. and the result of being friend-zoned while looking for dates. So don't worry. But the straight friends I know, I met through running on a team, climbing, and grad school.
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    Aug 15, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    CFL_Oakland said
    TroyAthlete saidThere's such a thing as gay friends? I thought gays only had ex-fuck buds.


    Really? Maybe it's Bay Area culture, but I find it much easier to find gay friends than FBs or dates (could also mean I'm unattrractive, but I don't think so)

    I think over time it's normal to end up with more gay friends. Beyond sex, there's a lot of shared experience, inside jokes, etc.

    It really is natural to find your friends where you hangout - group activities you engage in, etc. When I think about it, I have only two straight male friends that aren't husbands of woman friends - and these guys are from college days, and in different parts of the country. I have a handful of very close gay friends, and a lot of more casual gay friends. Except for a few guys I slept with years ago, my gay friends are all from various (mostly gay) organizations and sport activities. I doesn't bother me at all that I don't have straight friends - and I don't see why any gay guy would think it best to acquire straight male friends, unless he lived in a rural area where there weren't many gay guys.
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    Aug 15, 2013 8:38 PM GMT
    Back_to_Aodhan saidI find it sooo much easier having straight friends.. There are far more of them in the world in my case.

    The only gay friends I have are here on Realjock. The only gays guys I talk to IRL are either my ex or guys who are interested in me (and more often than not, not my type icon_sad.gif )

    Yeah, similar case here. Most of the new friends I have made after moving to this new place are straight.
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    Aug 18, 2013 4:00 AM GMT
    i think you should hang out with the ones you feel comfortable with, why is this such a problem for you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2013 4:08 AM GMT
    I have only straight friends. I've tried, but I just don't have much in common with even my gay coworkers or gays I've met. I live in a very stereotypical city though.

  • Aug 18, 2013 4:16 AM GMT
    Haha wow I, too, was gonna say how much harder it is to find gay friends than straight friends, but I see about a dozen people already beat me to the punch.

  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Aug 28, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    Hmm maybe I should move out of the gay village...