Are you a heart breaker?

  • Fargo

    Posts: 144

    Aug 15, 2013 9:40 AM GMT
    Most of the relationships posts in this forum seem to focus on the "victim" side of the story; e.g. My BF left me and my heart is broken, help!

    But have you been once the CAUSE of a heartbreak? If so, why?

    For me, I have been with my current BF more than 3 years, however it's been quite hectic and we broke up several times. I feel in such need to have a relationship that I start looking less than a week after each breakup. I started dating a really cool guy when suddenly my BF contacts me, and I feel like I want to go back again, so I tried as gently as possible to leave the guy I'm dating which was pretty hard as he was quite sincere and nice.

    We are good friends now, which is nice. However, after a few months, I had another break up with my BF, and I thought this is it! So then I dated another guy, but the _exact_ same thing happened, and I left him to go back to my BF. He was quite emotional about it which made me feel extremely guilty, but I love my BF and I want to be with him so I did it.

    And yet this happened again 4 months ago, we broke up and we thought "this is it". I again dating a really nice guy, who has everything I want... but it didn't go past 4 weeks when the same thing just happened all over again, except this time the guy I was dating ran into my BF at my house which was a shock and it ended the relation right there. I would hate to be in the situation these guys went through, and I feel extremely guilty about what I did, but it was all done because I love someone else deep down.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Aug 15, 2013 7:47 PM GMT
    At least once. When I was 30-ish, I was dating a 19 year old student. We liked each other, but he was falling in love, and I wasn't. When I made it clear to him that I didn't want to have a committed relationship with anyone at that time, he was definitely heart-broken, and we ended whatever it was we had together. When we would run into each other, he would not speak to me. He started dating other guys immediately, and found a new BF a month or so later. He got over his broken heart, as everyone does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 15, 2013 8:11 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidWhen I was 30-ish, I was dating a 19 year old student. We liked each other, but he was falling in love, and I wasn't. When I made it clear to him that I didn't want to have a committed relationship with anyone at that time.


    I understand FWB or FB..
    It's only fair to assume that if you date.. Deeper feelings might get involved.

    I'm not judging ..but just curious ..What is really the point of dating without the hope of feelings progressing?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Aug 15, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    Anocxu said
    Suetonius saidWhen I was 30-ish, I was dating a 19 year old student. We liked each other, but he was falling in love, and I wasn't. When I made it clear to him that I didn't want to have a committed relationship with anyone at that time


    I understand FWB or FB..
    It's only fair to assume that if you date.. Deeper feelings might get involved.

    I'm not judging ..but just curious ..What is really the point of dating without the hope of feelings progressing?

    I see these relationships as being on a continuum - casual sex - dating - FB- relationship. This was sort of a casual relationship. Dating is pleasant. If it s with one other guy, it can be a goal in itself. - you get to spend time and do things with the same guy and get to know him beyond just sex. Feelings do develop. Maybe you would call this a FWB relationship - but I had stronger feelings than for just a friend. I just wasn't ready to get partnered off at the time. Think of all the heterosexual relationships that go on for a long time, with no plans for marriage or long term commitment. I would say this was similar (until he became too deeply involved.) Can you imagine yourself being on a temporary work assignment somewhere for 6 months or a year or two? If you met someone and started having a sexual relationship, it would most likely have a definite end date. You might not want to let yourself fall in love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    Suetonius said
    Anocxu said
    Suetonius saidYou might not want to let yourself fall in love.


    .. I understand what you are saying.. but is it really that easy?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2013 4:29 AM GMT
    Sadly, yes. But I don't really think it was my fault. I knew the guy for two days, we went on one date (the only thing going for the date was the beer), and the next day he tells me he has feelings for me. I could tell he was saddened when I told him it wouldn't work out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    Once! I was in my mid 20's and very immature. I dated this ginger who was a good guy. But his family were closed minded pieces of sh*ts and I took it out on him. I learned a lot about myself post breakup. Especially on how cold I can be and ensuring that I don't make the same mistake in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2013 10:42 AM GMT
    Just to answer the OP's question..
    In my 20's I dated two guys that turned out to be awful human beings..

    Surprisingly.. when I tried to go my own way.. It turned into massive chaos.. icon_confused.gif

    Ever noticed it's some of the meanest,coldest guys that freak out when they get dumped?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2013 9:25 PM GMT
    Am I a heart-breaker ! Short answer YES

    Long answer, not really but based on my previous dating circumstances, it makes me this way/harden up a bit.

    I am usually very blunt and forward, I go after what I want. If I don't feel the same affection from the guy, I'll just move on. Once I get into a deep relationship with a guy, it takes a while for me to (*let my guards down ! So, I sort of broke up with my ex, he was devastated and since then, I've broken plenty of hearts and guys that want to pursue me too. But when I was younger, I fell for a couple of dudes and I was heart-broken too once it didn't work out. Oh well, you live and you learn and you don't take bullshit as you grow up.


    (Back to OP, so yeah whenever I hear a victim story on here, it's usually 2 sides to every story, Of course things are not great that why some of the victims got dumped. Sometimes, it's not the other guys' fault)



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 17, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Never been on either side. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2013 1:35 AM GMT
    More of a heart surgeon.
    That said, I am only responding to this thread because I am trying to push the neurotic "poor little me" threads down to their death.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    I got my heart broken more than a couple times so no.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2013 10:34 AM GMT
    Yes.
    It's the only way to get to the tastiest bits
    daenarys-eating-heart-600-thumb-560x300.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    Sometimes. But usually it's me having my heart broken because I care too much. *cue sad music*

    The only time I would say I was the 'heartbreaker' was, I was dating this guy for about a month. I decided we weren't a good match. I broke up with him a week before Valentine's Day. He thought that was shitty of me, but in my opinion, it would have been worse if I had let him pay for reservations/dinner on Valentine's Day and THEN broken up with him.