Becoming the token gay at work

  • DJW525

    Posts: 65

    Aug 16, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    After more than 10 years working at the same place, and 2 years with the same group, I had a family issue I needed to deal with which forced me to come out to them.

    Since then, I've now become the token gay with the women. They invite me to lunch. For drinks after work. Ask fitness advice. My opinion on their hair, makeup, and.fashion. Even invited me to a Tupperware party.

    Is it just me? Anyone else dealt with this?

    How do you address it without being a dIck?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:28 PM GMT
    I have never had this problem since most people think I am straight, until I tell them but girls usually think I'm lying so they don't feel comfortable to inviting me to such things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:31 PM GMT
    Get a sign for your desk,I'm queer,Im here get used to it.lol
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    If you have to be a work token, the gay one is better than the angry, under-informed one, or the obese one who everyone despises, or the hot Asian one that everyone likes, but no one wants to sleep with.
  • DJW525

    Posts: 65

    Aug 16, 2013 8:34 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidIf you have to be a work token, the gay one is better than the angry, under-informed one, or the obese one who everyone despises, or the hot Asian one that everyone likes, but no one wants to sleep with.


    1. Ouch
    2. Damn funny
    3. So true
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    I never encountered this at my previous jobs despite being out at work. However, in my group of friends, I am the 'token gay'. Guys ask me for advice on how they look, the girls ask me for advice on guys. I don't really mind it though because I know they would do the same for me. I don't see it as being based on my sexuality, but my friendship to them.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidIf you have to be a work token, the gay one is better than the angry, under-informed one, or the obese one who everyone despises, or the hot Asian one that everyone likes, but no one wants to sleep with.



    I know what your type is.. icon_biggrin.gif

    On another note- why wouldn't anyone want to sleep with the hot asian?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:37 PM GMT
    Tell them you're gay...not female.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    failscarf said
    turbobilly saidTell them you're gay...not female.


    Not seeing your point?

    He's probably drunk.
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    Aug 16, 2013 8:52 PM GMT
    smartmoney said
    failscarf said
    turbobilly saidTell them you're gay...not female.


    Not seeing your point?

    He's probably drunk.


    Drunk is temporary. Ugly is forever...icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 16, 2013 9:00 PM GMT
    I think they see "gay" as having zero inhibitions and being a connoisseur of all things male and female. Which is true in some cases -- but I think you can blame that on the media for making it kind of one-sided.

    I can be really goofy so I don't mind discussing certain "female topics" or being with other females. But to do that shit all day? Hell no. I like my guy time with guys and I like my sports and my trucks.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 16, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    Tell them you don't want your period to synchonize with theirs. They'll never speak to you agian.icon_lol.gif

    Or just cave in and let your fem side out.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Aug 16, 2013 9:09 PM GMT
    I hate when this happen's! One of my closer circle of friends just welcomed a few new members and they were informed before hand that I was gay. Once they came in they treated me like the token gay guy all in fun of course...But it gets pushed across the line that I am comfortable with sometimes.

    This one guy feels me up all the time and grabs my ass etc. He does this in a way to make himself comfortable with it all (its just his humour). To stop him I the best tactic is to return the feeling up and flirting with him. It always shuts him up ahahha
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    Aug 16, 2013 9:11 PM GMT
    failscarf said
    turbobilly saidTell them you're gay...not female.


    Not seeing your point?
    Society at large still has the misconception that gay = gender reversal.
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    Aug 16, 2013 9:11 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidIf you have to be a work token, the gay one is better than the angry, under-informed one, or the obese one who everyone despises, or the hot Asian one that everyone likes, but no one wants to sleep with.


    What a mean, condescending and stupid Observation!Dumb reply.


    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Sakura

    Posts: 188

    Aug 16, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    I'm not out at work but I can say that after I came out to my mom she started asking for my advice on her clothes/hair/etc. I set her straight on stereotyping gay guys. Try telling them that you're the same as before, no more feminine than you were before you came out to them. It worked with my mom.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Aug 16, 2013 9:25 PM GMT
    A simple "I'm not really a clothes (or whatever) kinda guy" does the trick, but you will have to say it a few times to get the message across.
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    Aug 16, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    I find it kind of interesting that this would happen. From a numbers perspective, I'm the token gay guy in my university physics department. But no one, male or female, asks me for fashion advice or implies any other stereotype. Maybe I'm just so terrible at choosing my clothes that they know not to ask me! icon_lol.gif

    As for advice, I don't have any which hasn't already been covered.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Aug 16, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    I've been made redundant so I wouldn't know
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    I don't see anything wrong in being friends with them if they're opening up to you, unless you really don't want to involve yourself with them outside of work. Going for lunch and/or drinks after work seems fine.

    As for them asking you about their hair, etc., just let them know that you really don't know about those things, and they'll stop asking.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 17, 2013 12:26 AM GMT
    u need to sashay your way into work every fucking mornming and be like "heyy gurrrll heyyyyyyyy"
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    Aug 17, 2013 12:34 AM GMT
    put up a calendar of old muscle cars, and start wearing some really "Avant-garde" and mismatched outfits or punk your hair or wrinkled clothes.....something to dispel the notion of the stereotype gay. make tracks to HR to advise on "diversity training needs for staff....icon_rolleyes.gif or just play it and ignore it...
  • BillandChuck

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 17, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    This was a new phenomenon for us once we retired from the service. Before that it was a situation which wasn't conducive, with mostly men and mostly averse to any association with anything gay. But once we were retired, it was a different story entirely. Obviously friends, but still oppressive sometimes, particularly when we don't measure up to the task because neither of us has any experience with fashion or things gay in general. But we're having fun exploring our gay side! icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 17, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    I don't see the problem. I kinda like it.
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    Aug 17, 2013 12:37 AM GMT
    Being token gay is like token white girl in a black television show.