gay bar etiquitte

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    Aug 17, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    so I went to my first gay bar tonight. I was there for maybe an hour, and had two beers. Sat at the bar for the whole time. At no time, did I feel intimidated, or pressured (or approached.

    being that it's my first time, do I need to spray some pheromones? What should I have expected? Am I just so physically unappealing, that I just generated no response? I really don't know the drill. in a typical gay bar, looking like I look, what would have normally happened? Please be honest. I'm looking for real feedback here.
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    Aug 17, 2013 4:58 AM GMT
    You're much older then me so you may kind of sweep my advice under the rug -- which is totally cool. But I am just speaking as someone who was bullied growing up and finally came out of my shell enough to be able to enjoy clubs in general.

    I hear they're more fun then the clubs with predominately straight people BUT I would say that it was good for your first time to not feel intimidated/nervous; I would assume that most people would be. I think that if you just be yourself and smile things will work out. If alone at a bar/club for whatever reason, I may lean over and joke with the person next to me or for the more direct approach you could just walk up to someone and introduce yourself. You could also joke with the bartender; they somehow have a way of incorporating everyone around them into informal conversation. You could also just find a friend to go there with if being alone gets to be too stressful.

    Hope this helped some. I just remembered that people won't shoo you away as quickly if you smile and are friendly -- at least they shouldn't unless it's creepy.

    PS: I'm going to one next week in Atlanta icon_razz.gif

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    Aug 17, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    I haven't spent a considerable amount of time in gay bars, but during the times that I have gone, I've never been approached by anyone.

    People who are successful in the bar scene probably have certain tricks - like making eye contact, certain types of body language or simply being bold and making the first move. Also, you might need to stay longer than an hour.

    Also, crowds can differ depending on the day and time in which you go. Some bars/clubs don't pick up steam until later (after 11 or 12).

    You're a cute guy though, certainly not unappealing. Don't get discouraged.
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    "What should I have expected?"

    Depends on what type of Gay Bar you're going to and what you are looking for.

    If you're just sitting at the bar the entire time then you can try to start a convo with the other guys at the bar; but you probably won't get much attention sitting there all night.


    ". . . Looking like I look, what would have normally happened?"


    If you're going to a bar where most guys there are in their 20's-30's, you probably won't get approached very much (that's my assumption) and might feel intimidated because of the younger crowd.

    It really just goes back to what you're looking for though.
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    Lose the glasses, wear less nerdy clothing, get in shape and have a likable and fun personality. I can't remember the last time I watched a Hollywood movie where dancing in glasses. You sat there and did nothing which is your problem, it's best to approach people instead. Bright clothing usually attractive attention and your nose is kinda weird by the way.
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    If you go to a gay bar to "Find Fun"..
    You have to look like your'e having fun..

    I'm assuming your body language gave away your agenda..

    "I'm Here!!" "Notice Me!!" "Who Wants me?"

    You have to lighten up.. relax.. engage!

    You didn't expect to just roll up into a gay bar and have dicks and ass fall from the mirror ball?.. Right?


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    Aug 17, 2013 5:28 AM GMT
    Given that you don't go to gay bars usually, are you sure you really want to meet a guy that enjoys hanging out in them? I'm sure you have other interests and hobbies. Why not find something around that and meet a hot guy that you share something with?
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:47 AM GMT
    I go a few times a year to gay bars. I usually do the talking or approaching. All anyone can say is no...
    Try to stick to talking to men closer to our age... they seem to be less offended if you say something... lol.
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    The_Tango saidLose the glasses, wear less nerdy clothing, get in shape and have a likable and fun personality. I can't remember the last time I watched a Hollywood movie where dancing in glasses. You sat there and did nothing which is your problem, it's best to approach people instead. Bright clothing usually attractive attention and your nose is kinda weird by the way.


    I suppose that might make a difference in gay bars elsewhere but not in southcentral Pa...icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    turbobilly said
    The_Tango saidLose the glasses, wear less nerdy clothing, get in shape and have a likable and fun personality. I can't remember the last time I watched a Hollywood movie where dancing in glasses. You sat there and did nothing which is your problem, it's best to approach people instead. Bright clothing usually attractive attention and your nose is kinda weird by the way.


    I suppose that might make a difference in gay bars elsewhere but not in southcentral Pa...icon_neutral.gif


    Your glasses are actually cool and hip though
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    Aug 17, 2013 5:56 AM GMT
    I don't approach or make small talk to guys that I find *not hot! It takes a couple drinks for me to relax and my flirt side comes out! I usually go for the guys that I think that are cute! and politely say no/reject the ones I don't want. But yeah, I'm in my 30s now, I don't do gay bars that much anymore!

    To OP, you seem like a geeky nerdy older guy which some dudes find hot! I'd say change your hair and sex up your image when you go out if you want to get laid!
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    Aug 17, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    hairyandym said Try to stick to talking to men closer to our age...


    Are you trying to put me out of business? icon_evil.gif

    I live for the company of hot older guys with low self esteem!
    .. Add two beers, the right lighting and the fact that i'm easy..

    #WIN!!

    tiger-victory.jpg
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    Aug 17, 2013 6:10 AM GMT
    You're supposed to play the silly looking game. Ya know, stare at a guy you're interested in. When he notices you, you look away and pretend you're not interested. And when he looks away, you go back to staring at him until he notices you again. Repeat until one of you has the balls to walk up and strike up a conversation. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 17, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    The_Tango saidLose the glasses, wear less nerdy clothing, get in shape and have a likable and fun personality.


    1. Agree about the glasses. It's been years since I went cruising in a bar, but although I have worn glasses all my life, I never wore them in a gay bar. Get contacts if necessary, and wear them when you go out, even if you never wear them anywhere else.
    2. Your prof says your build is average. Start working out more or more often to change more of your fat to muscle.
    3. Chat up the bartender if no one else in a friendly way - imbibe in the alcohol a bit if you're not to lose some inhibitions. Other guys will notice you being active rather than sitting like a statue.
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    Aug 17, 2013 6:57 AM GMT
    HikeSwimSkiSF said
    The_Tango saidLose the glasses, wear less nerdy clothing, get in shape and have a likable and fun personality.


    1. Agree about the glasses. It's been years since I went cruising in a bar, but although I have worn glasses all my life, I never wore them in a gay bar. Get contacts if necessary, and wear them when you go out, even if you never wear them anywhere else.
    2. Your prof says your build is average. Start working out more or more often to change more of your fat to muscle.
    3. Chat up the bartender if no one else in a friendly way - imbibe in the alcohol a bit if you're not to lose some inhibitions. Other guys will notice you being active rather than sitting like a statue.


    Ouch. No love for glasses eh?
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    Aug 17, 2013 7:55 AM GMT
    Shit I never get hit on and I'm pretty decent. I like to sit in the corner and people watch or play pool with my friends. I would say if op came and talked to me and had confidence and something interesting to say Id hold a convo with him. But I usually only go to people watch or with friends not into hooking up. If you want to get hit on go to a club and get drunk as hell and let loose with the talkin to people. And if someone doesn't find you attractive it's always a reflection of their own personal taste so fuck em. I'd say biggest thing is to be confident when approaching people but not cocky bc cockiness is fake confidence which stems from low confidence.
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    Aug 17, 2013 8:02 AM GMT
    People are usually attractive to people with the best social skills at the scene. If you sat there, you have nothing to offer to other people. You have to sell yourself and be on par with the best.
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    Aug 17, 2013 9:35 AM GMT
    I don't see any reason to ditch the glasses. Guys with glasses can be very attractive - except me, I have coke bottle glasses so I wear contacts! LOL

    Seriously though, I think if you are going to go to a bar to meet guys, your best bet is to go with a friend or two. When I was single, it just seemed easier to meet others if I was already with a group. BUT, if you have to go alone, then I don't think you can just sit and wait for others to approach you. Go ahead and initiate a conversation with those around you, even if you're not interested in the guys as potential dates or hookups. I don't mean to lead them on, but there's nothing wrong with friendly conversation. I think once other guys you might be interested in see you socializing, they will be more likely to approach you than if you're just sitting there by yourself.
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    Aug 17, 2013 9:46 AM GMT
    You don't look the bar sort; and that's in no way a criticism - it's a compliment if anything.

    I hate bars. I hate the crowds, the noise, the drunkeness, the music, the attitude.

    I've never met guys in bars; and i don't go to bars much these days anyway - gay or straight.
    On dates, I always preferred doing something other than drinking in bars. I preferred doing an activity or visiting unusual sights.

    Bars are not the be all and end all of gay life.
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    Aug 17, 2013 10:30 AM GMT
    I tend to go to gay bars by myself.
    If your not up for contacting guys yourself and you stick to a bar in your age range, then this would be my advice.

    What I have figured out works for me, is not to expect anyone to talk with you, for the first hour or so while your at the bar. People are checking you out at this time, the trick is for you to look like your gods gift to men. Ooze confidence, look happy and content in your situation. The next thing is to sit at an area at the bar, where people are forced to get close to you or bump into you (the pay area or close to the toilet) This seating placing will generate flow opportunities, for people who have been checking you out, to contact you without having to go directly up to you.

    Hopefully you will have had some human contact by now.. it might not be from the guys you find sexy, but talk with them anyway. It makes you look more approachable.. It's a numbers game, you need to create opportunities for social interaction and a lot of it, with different people before you might find someone you hit it of with.
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    Aug 17, 2013 10:43 AM GMT
    somersault saidYou looking to get laid, or meet people and have fun? Just chat some people up. Dance, shoot pool, whatever is going on there.



    This is how I met my boyfriend, he stood right behind me as I was drawing the pole back. icon_smile.gif

    http://gaygif1.tumblr.com
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    Aug 17, 2013 10:59 AM GMT
    Mesmer said

    This is how I met my boyfriend, he stood right behind me as I was drawing the pole back. icon_smile.gifhttp://gaygif1.tumblr.com


    SLUT!
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    Aug 17, 2013 11:04 AM GMT
    Anocxu said
    Mesmer said

    This is how I met my boyfriend, he stood right behind me as I was drawing the pole back. icon_smile.gifhttp://gaygif1.tumblr.com


    SLUT!


    tumblr_m6jibesch01rs0gnuo1_500.gif
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    Aug 17, 2013 11:11 AM GMT
    ^ ^ ^ ^
    I'm not Alone ..

    SuperExcitedGif.gif
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    Aug 17, 2013 11:13 AM GMT
    Anocxu said^ ^ ^ ^
    I'm not Alone ..

    SuperExcitedGif.gif


    tumblr_mdvb10Ibkn1r5j928o1_400.gif