How to cool off after a fight?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:23 AM GMT
    So what do you guys do to cool off or not think about it, when you have a fight with your partner?
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    KING_ASLAN saidHave a slumber party with my ex. icon_cool.gif


    Hahaha, well what if cheating on the current boyfriend isn't an option.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 19, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    angry sex
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    Go on grindr.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    If you already made a thread on "how to cool off," then you're already cooled off.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    The_Tango saidIf you already made a thread on "how to cool off," then you're already cooled off.


    He probably is. Still could be a useful and helpful discussion, for the OP and others in the future.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Blow job.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:50 AM GMT
    Marsu saidSo what do you guys do to cool off or not think about it, when you have a fight with your partner?

    We both go into separate rooms, watch TV, go online, and say nothing to each other. Trying to "get in the final word" only keeps the disagreement going and can escalate things.

    We know we'll both settle down in time, there's no rush or deadline. It may take just an hour, or not until the next day. Depending on the nature of the disagreement one of us may take the initiative to apologize, after which we'll both say we're sorry.

    Or maybe we won't bring it up again at all, like it never happened. We'll let some scheduled errand or other activity break the silence naturally, as we resume our regular routine together.

    Until I learned this healing pattern our relationship almost came to an end a few times in our first year. Now I know to disengage and cut the argument short, in the certainty it will all blow over. Unlike my tenacity in RJ forum fights, I can walk away and not insist on winning the battle, because I won'r risk losing my husband over it. Nothing is that important.

    Plus more recently there's the issue of his stroke and heart surgery - I can't endanger his health. But I was doing this before they happened. Now I have a stronger motivation.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    .. If you know you two will have the opportunity to smooth things over.. No need to worry.

    If you are uncertain about the state of your relationship after this debate.. It's tough not to worry.

    Most guys have a time and place mark.
    If you inject a sensitive issue when your partner is already rattled up and stressed.. It never ends well.

    ..How you END a debate is critical.
    The best take is.. "This is something we have to work on"
    "I love you..we'll work it out"..

    Hope it works out!






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    Aug 19, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    I know it's stupid but one of the issues is pride icon_neutral.gif. We're both too proud to apologize.

    But thanks for all the advices, guys. I really appreciate 'em.
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    Aug 19, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI've not had one in a really long time.. but sometimes I found that if I let go of the rope, the game was over.
    Other times I found it best to grab my keys and leave the house for a few hours. Go get something to eat. A movie, shop etc.
    Just stay away for 2-4 hours till tempers settled. 99% of the time, he'd be all chilled out by the time I returned.
    I'm NOT one to start shit,, but I'm the first to walk away from insanity when I see it coming. Nip it in the bud and move on.
    I'll sit and listen to reason, but once you've raised your voice at me or disrespect me, I'm out the door.


    Wisdom here! +1
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    Aug 19, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    Marsu saidI know it's stupid but one of the issues is pride icon_neutral.gif. We're both too proud to apologize.

    But thanks for all the advices, guys. I really appreciate 'em.


    With "pride" nobody wins, and everybody "loses".

    What's more important? Your pride, or your relationship?

    There are ways to show humility and "apologize" for the misunderstanding without necessarily conceding the point of contention. Fall back to some "point" on which you both agree and start rebuilding the conversation from there. It is very real that you both may never come to agreement on a particular point.

    You both ultimately have to choose whether or not your relationship is more important than the issue.
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    Aug 19, 2013 2:14 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Marsu saidI know it's stupid but one of the issues is pride icon_neutral.gif. We're both too proud to apologize.

    But thanks for all the advices, guys. I really appreciate 'em.


    With "pride" nobody wins, and everybody "loses".

    What's more important? Your pride, or your relationship?

    There are ways to show humility and "apologize" for the misunderstanding without necessarily conceding the point of contention. Fall back to some "point" on which you both agree and start rebuilding the conversation from there. It is very real that you both may never come to agreement on a particular point.

    You both ultimately have to choose whether or not your relationship is more important than the issue.


    +1

    Be the bigger man and swallow it (your pride, that is).
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    Aug 19, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Marsu saidI know it's stupid but one of the issues is pride icon_neutral.gif. We're both too proud to apologize.

    But thanks for all the advices, guys. I really appreciate 'em.


    With "pride" nobody wins, and everybody "loses".

    What's more important? Your pride, or your relationship?

    There are ways to show humility and "apologize" for the misunderstanding without necessarily conceding the point of contention. Fall back to some "point" on which you both agree and start rebuilding the conversation from there. It is very real that you both may never come to agreement on a particular point.

    You both ultimately have to choose whether or not your relationship is more important than the issue.


    It really helped. Thanks.
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    Aug 19, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    I like to work out, do really heavy sets, and while I'm pushing out heavy reps pretend I'm stabbing the object of my animosity with an ice pick in the eye, flooding their cranial cavity with their blood =D =D =D I feel awesome afterwards and the desire to actually kill completely subsides!
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    Aug 19, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    I dunno How I would actually do it.. but I think I would ............... Laugh icon_lol.gif

    I Have the Hardest time staying mad with people, unless its family they have pulled my strings for too long but even then I usually get calm a few minutes after an argument but pretend I'm still mad so It seems I won or show I still don't agree.

    But with Everyone else, even my family depending on how mad they get me, I just laugh and they get over it... people don't like staying mad at me and I feel the same with them, its pointless

    Though I won't be a push over if I was Really angry I would say what I felt then ignore him til I was ready to talk, likely the next day cause once again I just can't stay mad long then I would take to actions.. I don't know specifically what actions, it would depend on the situation.. I doubt I would do anything more than a slight slap or wrestle lol but that might lead to something else haha

    I dunno.. Im sure I will find out
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    Aug 19, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
    Matiz saidI like to work out, do really heavy sets, and while I'm pushing out heavy reps pretend I'm stabbing the object of my animosity with an ice pick in the eye, flooding their cranial cavity with their blood =D =D =D I feel awesome afterwards and the desire to actually kill completely subsides!


    Ummmmm icon_eek.gif You're joking right? Sounds kind of like a joke.. but SOOOOOoo Detailed icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
    Walk away from the source of your anger before even the fight begins.
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    Aug 19, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    Sometimes wish he'd yell, punch me.
    but no
    I get the 'look'
    and someones walking home.
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    Aug 19, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    I'm with someone these past few years and we just don't have any fights, luckily. The most we might have is a small disagreement that lasts a few seconds. We're fortunate. Even at that, we'll just get quiet for a few minutes and we each think about what we may have said that was not cool, and then we do a hug and an apology, and maybe re-state our position on a topic more slowly and maybe with more clarity. We're lucky we get along so well.

    In previous relationships, it was about the same. If I did have a fight with one of them I think I'd be inclined to go swim my laps and do a 'time - out' for awhile, before coming back together with cooler heads. One of my exes would take off in the car (like a bat out of Hell) and head for Neiman's for some shopping therapy. He'd kindly leave the bills on my desk. So sweet of him.
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Aug 19, 2013 1:02 PM GMT
    Honestly one of the best pieces of advice I can give is : get away from them for a bit. More than 30 min is best. Go for a walk, hit the gym, run,, shop etc. Especially if you were heated during the fight too doing something that relaxes you or that let's you work off your anger helps.
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:31 PM GMT
    Naw I miss fights with the bf, sounds stupid but was kind of fun icon_razz.gif Though matters how serious the issue is, if not so serious I would be doing things to tease him that you know turn him on, then just ignore him ha ha. More serious issue I would probably just ignore him till he talked first, but I'm extremely stubborn, really matters what it is, but from experience pays to be the better man I reckon, if your on here writing about it then you must really love him, we only fight with the ones we love......I heard that somewhere icon_question.gif
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    Aug 19, 2013 1:51 PM GMT
    Getting away from the person is a BIG part of it for me. Especially if I can get away and expend some energy. Working out doesn't do it as much for me as a nice long jog. Sometimes putting my headphones on and tackling a project works too. Anything that involves me using my hands and brain on something else besides the person I hate at the moment.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Aug 19, 2013 2:17 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidI've not had one in a really long time.. but sometimes I found that if I let go of the rope, the game was over.
    Other times I found it best to grab my keys and leave the house for a few hours. Go get something to eat. A movie, shop etc.
    Just stay away for 2-4 hours till tempers settled. 99% of the time, he'd be all chilled out by the time I returned.
    I'm NOT one to start shit,, but I'm the first to walk away from insanity when I see it coming. Nip it in the bud and move on.
    I'll sit and listen to reason, but once you've raised your voice at me or disrespect me, I'm out the door.


    This.. Walking away from the other person for a good while is the best option.. Just.. go be someplace else for a while.
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    Aug 19, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    The Masters Of Guilt - how we end fights or arguments.

    Me (or Bill): I'm sorry, it's my fault. I could have worded that a lot better. *looks contrite*

    Bill: No, it was me. I was pretty hot headed and an asshole.

    Me: But I was a complete jerk and said nasty stuff that wasn't true.

    Bill: Yeah but I got all pouty and martyr.

    Me: Not nearly as bad as me being a monster.

    Bill: No you're not. I'm rotten.

    Me: No, I'm rotten.

    Bill: I'M the guilty one here.

    Me: I'm guiltier.

    Bill: No I am. I kill small children and bury them in the backyard.

    Me: Well I torture kittens and set them on fire. So I am way more guilty.

    Like that.