What are social skills? what makes a person socially inept?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 7:00 PM GMT
    Okay, personal hygiene is obviously the top priority. I automatically think creep if someone is smelling like shit around me and hasn't brushed their teeth or cleaned their clothes in days.

    Talking too much or too little as well, as is talking constantly about something only you and not the other person is interested in.

    Lack of understanding of irony, sarcasm and general wit.

    Letting things get too serious or personal too soon or too much.

    lack of awareness of boundaries and levels of mutual respect for people insecurities, etc.

    Anything else anyone want to add? Do you feel you have stinted social skills? Have you any experiences with those whom are more socially awkward than you?

    Personally I hate it when people just call someone "weird" and just state their problems without offering solutions, a little constructive criticism(with emphasise of the word constructive)is all some people need.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 7:13 PM GMT
    inthebackground saidyou sure you're not talking about symptoms of autism.


    Asperger's is also debated as merely severe social ineptitude as well, I don't wanna debate the causes of poor social intelligence, I just wanna debate on what are examples of it.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Aug 19, 2013 7:20 PM GMT
    rihanna.gif

    This is obviously a topic drawn from me saying that you have a lack of social skills. Here's how to change:

    Stop speaking before you think. (maybe stop speaking altogether) You say you like doing this. No one likes you doing this though. It's childish and shows a disregard for other people's feelings.

    Stop creeping hard. Creeping hard can be related to the following: Trying to add me on FB when we're not friends (yet... this is always open unless you fuck up royally), soliciting people for topless photos, asking innappropriate questions of people you don't know.

    Don't be so obvious when you try and make a new topic using PM's as material to start the thread - people (AKA me) are going to see it. Furthermore if you're going to be so bait about it, try not to include such a crappy passive aggressive final sentence.

    If you're trying to get to know someone, initially refrain from the deeply probing questions, such as your amazing "May I ask you, you naturally bold n aggressive?" A simple "How was your weekend?" would suffice to start a normal conversation.

    Also, if you ask me my opinion don't imeediately try and refute it. Realise it's my opinion, and as I said earlier, deal with it.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    fable saidrihanna.gif

    This is obviously a topic drawn from me saying that you have a lack of social skills. Here's how to change:

    Stop speaking before you think. (maybe stop speaking altogether) You say you like doing this. No one likes you doing this though. It's childish and shows a disregard for other people's feelings.

    Stop creeping hard. Creeping hard can be related to the following: Trying to add me on FB when we're not friends (yet... this is always open unless you fuck up royally), soliciting people for topless photos, asking innappropriate questions of people you don't know.

    Don't be so obvious when you try and make a new topic using PM's as material to start the thread - people (AKA me) are going to see it. Furthermore if you're going to be so bait about it, try not to include such a crappy passive aggressive final sentence.

    If you're trying to get to know someone, initially refrain from the deeply probing questions, such as your amazing "May I ask you, you naturally bold n aggressive?" A simple "How was your weekend?" would suffice to start a normal conversation.

    Also, if you ask me my opinion don't imeediately try and refute it. Realise it's my opinion, and as I said earlier, deal with it.





    h7713235E
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    They did an experiment with monkeys years ago. Baby monkeys were born and they wouldn't always let them play with other baby monkeys. Some were kept separate for a week, some for a months. They found out that there was a limit to how long they could do this. After they kept baby monkeys away from other baby monkeys for say six months or so, they would absolutely never learn how to get along with other monkeys. They became socially inept.
    I think this can happen to people also when parents don't let their children play with other children.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    i2ci2i said
    inthebackground saidyou sure you're not talking about symptoms of autism.


    Asperger's is also debated as merely severe social ineptitude as well, I don't wanna debate the causes of poor social intelligence, I just wanna debate on what are examples of it.

    While the list of things in your original post are all associated with autism/asperger's syndrome, I wouldn't say they are sufficient. For starters, people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) generally don't realise that these behaviours are inappropriate, unless it is pointed out to them. Even then they might not actually understand why this is. This differentiates them from people who are merely rude. But there are other traits associated with ASD too. Perhaps most notable is that people with ASD have obsessive interests, often in obscure and esoteric fields. It's also not uncommon for there to be issues with sensory overload (difficulty operating in loud environments, for example) and a strong dislike of being touched. There are other things too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    AstroGeek saidWhile the list of things in your original post are all associated with autism/asperger's syndrome, I wouldn't say they are sufficient. For starters, people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) generally don't realise that these behaviours are inappropriate, unless it is pointed out to them. Even then they might not actually understand why this is. This differentiates them from people who are merely rude. But there are other traits associated with ASD too. Perhaps most notable is that people with ASD have obsessive interests, often in obscure and esoteric fields. It's also not uncommon for there to be issues with sensory overload (difficulty operating in loud environments, for example) and a strong dislike of being touched. There are other things too.

    icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2013 9:08 PM GMT
    If a person wants to learn about etiquette, there's books at the library on it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 1:39 AM GMT
    I'll give you a real true to life post. Heart to heart.

    If someone gives you advice... take it into consideration. If a lot of people are all seeing the same thing, then maybe, just maybe, look at it and realize it's probably for the best. Not just the two or three that agree with you at the time. Gain more by throwing less stones. You don't have to like people, but you don't have to give them your attention either. You'll learn and see that you CAN be eccentric, opinionated, and tactful instead of any perceived negativity.

    We understand you're having a hard time but you do not make it any easier on yourself. You're a handsome guy with so much to go after. Don't forget that but also learn to just observe, analyze and respond accordingly rather than blurt.

    That's the real answer. Solid, down to the human social interaction level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 1:40 AM GMT
    Sociopaths have great social skills and sparkling cocktail personalities. Both are overrated and not hard to fake.

    The lonely, lost, awkward, and vulnerable have the most to offer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:20 AM GMT
    i2ci2i saidOkay, personal hygiene is obviously the top priority. I automatically think creep if someone is smelling like shit around me and hasn't brushed their teeth or cleaned their clothes in days.

    Talking too much or too little as well, as is talking constantly about something only you and not the other person is interested in.

    Lack of understanding of irony, sarcasm and general wit.

    Letting things get too serious or personal too soon or too much.

    lack of awareness of boundaries and levels of mutual respect for people insecurities, etc.

    Anything else anyone want to add? Do you feel you have stinted social skills? Have you any experiences with those whom are more socially awkward than you?

    Personally I hate it when people just call someone "weird" and just state their problems without offering solutions, a little constructive criticism(with emphasise of the word constructive)is all some people need.


    As ironic as this might seem to many people I think I might have the best social skills here, at least in real life whenever I'm not a recluse. And what I mean by that is that I'm a very good conversationalist, as I'm always naturally interested in who I talk to, and through that I am very capable of establishing trust and connections with people. But if by social skills one means to be cool and popular, and to impress people easily, I fail tremendously at that, and I have no problem doing such. But the art of conversation requires that at least one person is empathetic and patient enough to allow the conversation to focus on what the other person wants to talk about, and intelligent enough that they can respond well to what is said by that person and react appropriately to disagreements between them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    TrevorMark saidI'll give you a real true to life post. Heart to heart.

    If someone gives you advice... take it into consideration. If a lot of people are all seeing the same thing, then maybe, just maybe, look at it and realize it's probably for the best. Not just the two or three that agree with you at the time. Gain more by throwing less stones. You don't have to like people, but you don't have to give them your attention either. You'll learn and see that you CAN be eccentric, opinionated, and tactful instead of any perceived negativity.

    We understand you're having a hard time but you do not make it any easier on yourself. You're a handsome guy with so much to go after. Don't forget that but also learn to just observe, analyze and respond accordingly rather than blurt.

    That's the real answer. Solid, down to the human social interaction level.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    Try to develop empathy. Respect and understand why people may feel a different way about something. When it's important you'd think I'm a hostage negotiator but increasingly for everyday stuff I'm losing patience with the cray cray. It's not easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    gta5iscomingin25days said
    Elusium saidSociopaths have great social skills and sparkling cocktail personalities. Both are overrated and not hard to fake.

    The lonely, lost, awkward, and vulnerable have the most to offer.


    this is very true. fitting in is very overrated. you have followers and you have leaders. the followers are the ones that basically copy everybody. they're kissing ass, following the latest trend, and scared to stand on their own two because they won't fit in. even if they see something foul going down such as someone else being bullied or beat up, they won't stand up because they're afraid of being seen as an outcast. some people often mistake leadership with someone being an alpha male when an alpha male is a follower. sociopaths follow everyone else in order to blend in.

    i would rather be an outcast where i can live by my own terms instead of following someone where i'm scared to live my life where i'm literally being controlled. i've been there and done that already. it wasn't worth it. i lost more than i gained.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    fable saidrihanna.gif

    This is obviously a topic drawn from me saying that you have a lack of social skills. Here's how to change:

    Stop speaking before you think. (maybe stop speaking altogether) You say you like doing this. No one likes you doing this though. It's childish and shows a disregard for other people's feelings.

    Stop creeping hard. Creeping hard can be related to the following: Trying to add me on FB when we're not friends (yet... this is always open unless you fuck up royally), soliciting people for topless photos, asking innappropriate questions of people you don't know.

    Don't be so obvious when you try and make a new topic using PM's as material to start the thread - people (AKA me) are going to see it. Furthermore if you're going to be so bait about it, try not to include such a crappy passive aggressive final sentence.

    If you're trying to get to know someone, initially refrain from the deeply probing questions, such as your amazing "May I ask you, you naturally bold n aggressive?" A simple "How was your weekend?" would suffice to start a normal conversation.

    Also, if you ask me my opinion don't imeediately try and refute it. Realise it's my opinion, and as I said earlier, deal with it.





    But one can also control their reactions to people, like yours with Darren, and simply accept the behavior as it comes, and hope your interaction with him can inspire a certain type of development that you may want from him later on. And it's far easier to criticize someone on the basis of their thought process and attitude in life, then to suggest that they change their behavior first, as the former suggests that there is an actual concern for the person you are talking to, and the latter can suggest that you find discomfort or even disgust with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    gta5iscomingin25days said
    Elusium saidSociopaths have great social skills and sparkling cocktail personalities. Both are overrated and not hard to fake.

    The lonely, lost, awkward, and vulnerable have the most to offer.


    this is very true. fitting in is very overrated. you have followers and you have leaders. the followers are the ones that basically copy everybody. they're kissing ass, following the latest trends, and scared to stand on their own two because they won't fit in. even if the latest trend is stupid or could get them caught up into something, they would rather follow and get hurt because being rejected by their peers hurts them than to be alive in one piece. some people often mistake leadership with someone being an alpha male when an alpha male is a follower. sociopaths follow everyone else in order to blend in.

    i would rather be an outcast where i can live by my own terms instead of following someone where i'm scared to live my life where i'm literally being controlled. i've been there and done that already. it wasn't worth it. i lost more than i gained.

    and to be honest with you, i don't understand how some openly gay guys that face hate all the time by the main society for being who they are worry about fitting in with the gay community. if you survived being abused by the straight community for being who you are, shouldn't you be strong enough to hold your own in the gay community where you're not trying to conform? you already proved yourself.


    See in my conception of human nature, you can't really fault the way some people are, whatever the reasons they become that way in the first place. They are worthy to be commented upon, as Aristotle would say, "born to be slaves," and in this case their intense need to be appreciated by others, but not necessarily judged or condemned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    Why not stop complaining what's on the outside(about others) and start perfecting what's on the inside(yourself, your mind, your thoughts, you words, your actions etc.).
    When your inside is perfect, the outside will follow you.
    When your inside is weak, the outside crushes your inside.
    Have a strong & steady heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    Harry7785 saidWhy not stop complaining what's on the outside(about others) and start perfecting what's on the inside(yourself, your mind, your thoughts, you words, your actions etc.).
    When your inside is perfect, the outside will follow you.
    When your inside is weak, the outside crushes your inside.
    Have a strong & steady heart.


    very true, and what i am trying to do with my life right now, and hopefully forever.
  • ai82

    Posts: 183

    Aug 23, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    I think social skills are the traits of your personality that allows you to get along with others. You are not meant to get along with everyone. Just b/c you piss off one person does'nt mean that you're inept. At that moment in time, you just did'nt get along. We're all different and connect in different ways on different levels. I think you have to be able to respond and adjust to what the other person needs. Sometimes thats hard to do over the internets since keys don't emote.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 23, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    Back to the OP's topic, here's another example - not knowing how to react to being teased/insulted (even jokingly).