19 and f'ing confused.

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    Aug 21, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    So there's this guy I've been seeing this guy weekly for a few months since the start of summer and now I don't know what to do.

    When we first met, he had a cast on and was off from training (he's a pretty intense varsity athlete). So we would meet and talk about all sorts of things about ourselves and we'd text each other everyday. We even spent hours in bed together just fooling around. But as he got his cast off, he started doing physio and then eventually back to training.

    When physio + training took place he texted me less frequently. He isn't a good texter to begin with, and in the beginning he used to apologize for it. I told him I understood, because I really did understand how long you can be away from your phone when you're training intensely in anything. But as the weeks went by, I would always feel insecure and think he really wasn't interested in me or he was texting someone else instead. But just as I gave up on all hope with him, he would always text me things like, "I just got out of physio" or "I really want to see you more often" or "how was your day".

    My friends told me it means that he's interested in me and I was happy. But the texting just got worse and worse. I'm talking days without a reply.

    So at the end of our last date, I asked him straight up where our relationship was going. He said that he doesn't know, because he tried long distance relationship before and it didn't work out (we live near each other but go to colleges in different cities). I spilled my gut out and told him that I was hopeful, and really liked him. His response was that he didn't want to promise me anything and he looked really uncomfortable. So I asked if he wanted us to keep doing what we were doing and he said he'd really like that.

    Since then the texting has gotten even worse. My sister suggested I ignore him and make him chase by not texting him/ replying coldly. It took the guy 3 days to finally text me asking how my week was and if I had my Tennis match on Thursday (I play competitively). We started texting again (long hours between each of his texts). Out of curiosity, just 2 days ago I sent him a completely random text and he still hasn't replied.

    Is he not just interested anymore and just doesn't have the balls to break it off?
    Is he actually as busy as he says he is?
    Is he being a complete dick and just texting someone else while leaving me hanging?

    I know it may seem childish, but I haven't ever liked a guy this much. So if you guys could share some wisdom, that'd be great.
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    Aug 21, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    19 so both in college now? Either way sports in school can be very tiresome and you/him both realized at the start how bad of a texter he is. I doesn't seem like your "relationship" was worth much except the intimate cuddling moments. You used the term fool around which could mean a lot of things.

    I would say not to put all your eggs in one basket with this one. He is busy and I highly doubt with sports he would have time to "cheat" or talk to other people. Do you guys ever call each other or maybe use another method -- if there is a better one.

    He just seems too busy though. Hope it works out for the best.
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    Aug 21, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    Keep him well sexed as long as you can. Time will tell if this works out or not. Enjoy the moments with him for now, or until someone willing to commit comes along. Just as he's keeping his options open, you have the choice to do the same.
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    Aug 21, 2013 3:36 AM GMT
    I'm 19, he's 22. I can't tell our age differences, but that's from my perspective. Fool around meaning everything but penetration.

    Well besides the intimate cuddling moments, we would make out on the park benches during our date if that adds any value to the relationship.

    Yeah I've learned a while back not to put soo much hope into this relationship. But for some reason, I have a hard time losing interest in this guy. Usually, I wouldn't even be bothered by a problem like this, but in this situation I really like him a lot.

    I know I may be naive for saying this, but I honestly don't think I can do better than this guy. He's smart, handsome, has good taste in food and music, obviously athletic, and most importantly, he shares the same the views of a perfect significant other.

    I wish I could keep him as sexed as long as I can, but it's hard for both of us to get any extended length of time alone. Neither of us are out to our parents.
  • The_Guruburu

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    Aug 21, 2013 3:41 AM GMT
    KKim11 saidI'm 19, he's 22. I can't tell our age differences, but that's from my perspective. Fool around meaning everything but penetration.

    Well besides the intimate cuddling moments, we would make out on the park benches during our date if that adds any value to the relationship.

    Yeah I've learned a while back not to put soo much hope into this relationship. But for some reason, I have a hard time losing interest in this guy. Usually, I wouldn't even be bothered by a problem like this, but in this situation I really like him a lot.

    I know I may be naive for saying this, but I honestly don't think I can do better than this guy. He's smart, handsome, has good taste in food and music, obviously athletic, and most importantly, he shares the same the views of a perfect significant other.

    I wish I could keep him as sexed as long as I can, but it's hard for both of us to get any extended length of time alone. Neither of us are out to our parents.

    You can and probably will. If you let him know how frequently you expect him to contact you, he can oblige you if he's equally interested. If not, don't sweat it.
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    Aug 21, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    he really doesn't like texting and I don't want to turn him off by telling him he has to text me ever so often. But I did mention to him, on two different occasion, that I would really appreciate more frequent texts. Thank you for the encouragement icon_smile.gif
  • The_Guruburu

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    Aug 21, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    KKim11 saidhe really doesn't like texting and I don't want to turn him off by telling him he has to text me ever so often. But I did mention to him, on two different occasion, that I would really appreciate more frequent texts. Thank you for the encouragement icon_smile.gif

    Do you want him to communicate with you more often or not? Either tell him what you want in a relationship, or don't get upset if you don't get it. Is texting the only way you can contact each other? How does he enjoy communicating with you?
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    Aug 21, 2013 5:22 AM GMT
    Texting is the most convenient way because as I've stated before neither of us are out to our parents. And I did explicitly mention to him, "I would appreciate it if you'd text more often and sooner" twice.
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:08 AM GMT
    KKim11 saidTexting is the most convenient way because as I've stated before neither of us are out to our parents. And I did explicitly mention to him, "I would appreciate it if you'd text more often and sooner" twice.


    I'm confused though. You have your own cell phone/car. Do both of you live at home?
  • AMoonHawk

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    Aug 21, 2013 6:16 AM GMT
    he's in his world busy with his life and you're in your world busy with your life right now your lives are separate, so you are expecting more then what there can be. Stay friends, and maybe some opportunity will occur in the future ... and if not maybe you'll end up with a friend for life
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:37 AM GMT
    Penman said
    KKim11 saidTexting is the most convenient way because as I've stated before neither of us are out to our parents. And I did explicitly mention to him, "I would appreciate it if you'd text more often and sooner" twice.


    I'm confused though. You have your own cell phone/car. Do both of you live at home?


    We are both currently living at home. He commutes downtown for his school and I go to school in another city 100km away. I have an apartment there that I share with my sister
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:49 AM GMT
    Im 19 too, sounds like he just likes the idea of having a sex tool lying around for him, whenever he feels the need to use it.. sorry icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidhe's in his world busy with his life and you're in your world busy with your life right now your lives are separate, so you are expecting more then what there can be. Stay friends, and maybe some opportunity will occur in the future ... and if not maybe you'll end up with a friend for life


    Yeah, but the problem is we are both busy people who make friendships according to our day to day life.

    So when we were highschool, we had our highschool friends. But afterwards we didn't keep in touch with most of them as many others may make the effort to.

    Similarly, we'll make friends in university but that doesn't mean that friendship will carry over afterwards.

    If it's not in proximity of our daily lives we both tend to find it a hassel to keep in touch and just move on to make new friends when ever and where ever we may currently be.

    I'm currently on summer break which is the reason why I have more free time on my hands. I've had summer flings before and usually I would leave it at that - a summer fling - but with this guy I can't, because I like him too much.

    So my worry is that he'll forget about me, like I have forgotten all my past summer flings and their numbers.
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:52 AM GMT
    TheRece25 saidIm 19 too, sounds like he just likes the idea of having a sex tool lying around for him, whenever he feels the need to use it.. sorry icon_confused.gif


    Yeah I thought about that too... You may be right, but we did spend more time walking around on our dates talking rather than in bed naked so I want to think other wise. *fingers crossed
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    Aug 21, 2013 6:56 AM GMT
    KKim11 said
    TheRece25 saidIm 19 too, sounds like he just likes the idea of having a sex tool lying around for him, whenever he feels the need to use it.. sorry icon_confused.gif


    Yeah I thought about that too... You may be right, but we did spend more time walking around on our dates talking rather than in bed naked so I want to think other wise. *fingers crossed


    Yeah but that's just a way to pass time and keep your attraction to him. Not to say he is so heartless he really just sat down one day and thought "I wanna keep this guy around just for sex so let me text him every now and then". It is just he, likely without thinking, is only interested in you in his times of sexual need. Has he ever missed a meeting with you when he Knew he was going to get some action? (give or take a day or two cause he may have truly been too busy even to have sex with you)
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    Aug 21, 2013 7:03 AM GMT
    TheRece25 said
    KKim11 said
    TheRece25 saidIm 19 too, sounds like he just likes the idea of having a sex tool lying around for him, whenever he feels the need to use it.. sorry icon_confused.gif


    Yeah I thought about that too... You may be right, but we did spend more time walking around on our dates talking rather than in bed naked so I want to think other wise. *fingers crossed


    Yeah but that's just a way to pass time and keep your attraction to him. Not to say he is so heartless he really just sat down one day and thought "I wanna keep this guy around just for sex so let me text him every now and then". It is just he, likely without thinking, is only interested in you in his times of sexual need. Has he ever missed a meeting with you when he Knew he was going to get some action? (give or take a day or two cause he may have truly been too busy even to have sex with you)


    He has never flopped on a date with me whether it was for 6 hours in bed or 30 minutes just to catch up. But you really do have good point though. I liked him so much, I didn't think about it from that perspective before. But I haven't penetrated him or vice versa, so if he was looking for sex I think he may have already found it through someone else no?
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    Aug 21, 2013 7:05 AM GMT
    I really appreciate all this feed back guys. It's really making me feel a lot better to talk through this. My sister says he's a jerk and doesn't understand why I like him, so I took that as her telling me that she's done hearing my worries about this "jerk"
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    Aug 21, 2013 7:41 AM GMT
    KKim11 said
    TheRece25 said
    KKim11 said
    TheRece25 saidIm 19 too, sounds like he just likes the idea of having a sex tool lying around for him, whenever he feels the need to use it.. sorry icon_confused.gif


    Yeah I thought about that too... You may be right, but we did spend more time walking around on our dates talking rather than in bed naked so I want to think other wise. *fingers crossed


    Yeah but that's just a way to pass time and keep your attraction to him. Not to say he is so heartless he really just sat down one day and thought "I wanna keep this guy around just for sex so let me text him every now and then". It is just he, likely without thinking, is only interested in you in his times of sexual need. Has he ever missed a meeting with you when he Knew he was going to get some action? (give or take a day or two cause he may have truly been too busy even to have sex with you)


    He has never flopped on a date with me whether it was for 6 hours in bed or 30 minutes just to catch up. But you really do have good point though. I liked him so much, I didn't think about it from that perspective before. But I haven't penetrated him or vice versa, so if he was looking for sex I think he may have already found it through someone else no?


    Well I consider oral sex well.. Sex, but yes he may have found a penetrative person. I am not saying start penetrating to hold his attention but maybe just find someone else.

    Maybe hold off sex completely with the next guy until you know you can hold his interest without it
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    Aug 21, 2013 7:45 AM GMT
    TheRece25 said
    Maybe hold off sex completely with the next guy until you know you can hold his interest without it


    Yeah I will do that next time if this one fails and burns miserably.
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    Aug 21, 2013 2:35 PM GMT
    My question is, is he out to his friends and family? it sounds like he is still hiding. i doubt that this guy doesnt like u or that he is using u for sex, i think he actually the opposite but he is still in the closet. I might be wrong though. Is he out?????
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    Aug 21, 2013 3:29 PM GMT
    neither of us are out to our family but we are out to our friends and siblings.