Gays just being friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    In my experience, it is impossible to find other gay guys who just want to be friends. It always ends up with them covertly asking me if I am a top or bottom, what I'm "into", and how big my dick is.

    Has this been anyone else's experience? I have often joked that gay men have redefined 'friendship', except it isn't really a joke.

    I will add that I live in an area that doesn't have much of a gay population.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:35 PM GMT
    You have to find ones that are prettier than you are.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Aug 23, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidYou have to find ones that are prettier than you are.


    ding ding ding, first post is a winner!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:45 PM GMT
    It's not impossible, I have plenty of gay friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    I will add that I live in an area that doesn't have a sizable gay population.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:47 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidIt's not impossible, I have plenty of gay friends.


    +1

    It's called self respect.
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    Aug 23, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Slim2010 saidIt's not impossible, I have plenty of gay friends.


    +1

    It's called self respect.


    Fuck, I lost all of that years ago.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    ReluctantPromises saidCan't be done. Even if you don't want to fuck them they may wanna fuck you.


    And like I told you the other day, you have no idea what you're talking about.
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    Aug 23, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Slim2010 saidIt's not impossible, I have plenty of gay friends.


    +1

    It's called self respect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    It's possible but it can be emotionally challenging, at least at first. One of my best friends is a guy I met back in 1989 when we were both in the same gay men's coming out support group in Portland, Maine. We weren't supposed to date within the group, but he and I hit it off as friends because we were fellow outgoing ethnics from the NYC area (me Ashkenazi Jewish from NYC and Long Island, him Italian American from New Jersey) in a world of taciturn New England Yankees.

    After the support group ended, I was able to work up the courage to tell him that I was really attracted to him. (Mind you, this was before either of us had ever actually dated any men.) He kindly but clearly let me know that I was "not his type."

    We've been friends all the years since then, even though it has been many years since we lived in close vicinity to one another. For a number of years it was sort of frustrating for me at times when we did get to see each other because of my unrequited attraction to him. However, as the years have passed by I've just become more and more appreciative of his friendship and less and less distracted by his looks. The unrequited attraction is always there, but I've not let it prevent us from being friends and we have been supportive confidants for one another amidst all of our relationships over the years.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2013 3:52 AM GMT
    I'm currently dating my best friend. Which is weird because we were friends for about a year until it evolved into something more. But I've been friends with gay guys before where getting it on was never the issue.

    Here are a few tips that worked for me:

    1. Make sure one of you is way out of the other's league. That way, you or him will know the other doesn't stand a chance icon_wink.gif

    2. Sometimes you just have to be blatantly clear and tell them "I JUST WANT A FRIEND. NO FUCK BUD, NO FRIEND WITH BENEFITS, JUST A FUCKING FRIEND (minus the fucking)."

    3. Get a gay dog. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    I would say its possible.. BUT I did stop talking to a guy I met online and talked to for like 2 months simply because I wasn't attracted to him when we met up... icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 9:34 PM GMT
    TheRece25 saidI would say its possible.. BUT I did stop talking to a guy I met online and talked to for like 2 months simply because I wasn't attracted to him when we met up... icon_neutral.gif


    Why would it matter if you were attracted to him if y'all were just looking to be friends? This is the exact problem with trying to befriend other gay guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2013 9:40 PM GMT
    Ironically, I've made several gay friends by making out or more first. Initial attraction started the whole thing, and then it was just great friends later without any sexual tension besides some joking around.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 24, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    honestly, i have found that having friends who are already in relationships seems to work best.
  • ElviBarragan

    Posts: 56

    Aug 24, 2013 9:58 PM GMT
    That happens plenty , see the thing just inform them I want to get to know you as a friend. Bulletproof, (1) they'll accept the offer or (2)you'll never hear from them again. Win Win
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    Stop trying to find friends on Grindr.
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    Aug 24, 2013 10:11 PM GMT
    In many ways, the best person to spend the rest of your life with IS a best friend.

    So work on the friendships. And if over time it develops into something more, go for it, but make sure the friendship is the priority,
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Aug 24, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    I have several gay friends who are truly just friends. There's never been any sexual tension nor any sexual advances from them or me. Our friendships are genuine and supportive, and mutually respectful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]Has this been anyone else's experience?[/quote]

    No.
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    Aug 25, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    elektrisk564 said
    TheRece25 saidI would say its possible.. BUT I did stop talking to a guy I met online and talked to for like 2 months simply because I wasn't attracted to him when we met up... icon_neutral.gif


    Why would it matter if you were attracted to him if y'all were just looking to be friends? This is the exact problem with trying to befriend other gay guys.


    No no no.. I didn't give the full story.. I was just very upset that we were flirting back and forth and when we met it was nothing... We were using being friends as a front.. I may message him again, its just we are Complete opposites..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    It is possible. I have several strictly gay friends from an LBGT group. However, one of the members has asked me out. But he is the only one.

    In the OP's case, being attractive will make it harder to just make strictly gay friends. You will eventually find them as you meet more mature people. But make sure you keep them when you find them.
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    Aug 25, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    Yeah doesn't work
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Aug 25, 2013 4:04 AM GMT
    Hot 4 Hot icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    It's easy. Make friends with guys that you're not attracted to.