Giving your first time away.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 7:57 PM GMT
    So, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    Honestly if you have masturbated before then you might as well go for it. It's kind of no different in the physical aspect. There are a lot of fun things about it and it is worth the wait in some cases.

    Life is too short though -- for me to have waited. But good on you for your determination. I restrain from sex with people who I'm not dating/in-relations with. I guess that is my kind of determination.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:01 PM GMT
    Sex isn't a big deal, honestly. If you feel like you're ready, go for it.

    What would be the purpose of waiting till you're in a relationship?
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    This seems to be an important issue for you, but I would like to procrastinate in any advice I would like to give you. But tell me this, how anxious or how soon are you willing to lose your virginity? Next week for example? I'm not in the writing or advice giving mood at the moment, and I would like to spend at least a couple of hours being acquainted with your personality by rereading some of the things you have stated here before, and only then will I actually give you my advice.

    So you basically want to remove any aspect of regret in your decision making, and I will assess whether a hook up is appropriate for you or not.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:13 PM GMT
    Unnamed5 said
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    This seems to be an important issue for you, but I would like to procrastinate in any advice I would like to give you. But tell me this, how anxious or how soon are you willing to lose your virginity? Next week for example? I'm not in the writing or advice giving mood at the moment, and I would like to spend at least a couple of hours being acquainted with your personality by rereading some of the things you have stated here before, and only then will I actually give you my advice.

    So you basically want to remove any aspect of regret in your decision making, and I will assess whether a hook up is appropriate for you or not.


    I'm sure he can assess that info for himself, but thanks.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:13 PM GMT
    Okay so, I texted him saying that I wasn't experienced with guys.. Like at all. just to pass the ball on his court, and he said he would be patient with me..

    what does that mean? patient as in when we are having sex or patient to mentally prepare me for having sex?
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidOkay so, I texted him saying that I wasn't experienced with guys.. Like at all. just to pass the ball on his court, and he said he would be patient with me..

    what does that mean? patient as in when we are having sex or patient to mentally prepare me for having sex?


    He probably means he won't rush you into anything.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:19 PM GMT
    Unnamed5 said
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    This seems to be an important issue for you, but I would like to procrastinate in any advice I would like to give you. But tell me this, how anxious or how soon are you willing to lose your virginity? Next week for example? I'm not in the writing or advice giving mood at the moment, and I would like to spend at least a couple of hours being acquainted with your personality by rereading some of the things you have stated here before, and only then will I actually give you my advice.

    So you basically want to remove any aspect of regret in your decision making, and I will assess whether a hook up is appropriate for you or not.


    Keeping my virginity for that one special guy has always been something very important to me, even when I was a little kid. I told myself that, that was something I would go the distance for him, wherever he is.

    But as i'm getting older, and seeing the perspectives of others on this site, it's becoming a more welcoming idea. But at the same time it's conflicting with how I feel about the idea of sex. Ever since I opened myself up to dating, the topic of sex was always something that came up.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:24 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    Unnamed5 said
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    This seems to be an important issue for you, but I would like to procrastinate in any advice I would like to give you. But tell me this, how anxious or how soon are you willing to lose your virginity? Next week for example? I'm not in the writing or advice giving mood at the moment, and I would like to spend at least a couple of hours being acquainted with your personality by rereading some of the things you have stated here before, and only then will I actually give you my advice.

    So you basically want to remove any aspect of regret in your decision making, and I will assess whether a hook up is appropriate for you or not.


    I'm sure he can assess that info for himself, but thanks.


    One opens themselves up for analysis if they want help with something, yes? And I'm sure he wants advice tailored to his own mind and not the advice others are projecting from their own mentalities, experiences or regrets when it comes to something like this.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 23, 2013 8:26 PM GMT
    I started out as a top, so I never felt like I was giving anything away. I felt like I was getting something.

    Not sure if that relates, but it's what the thread title made me think of.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 23, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    What ever makes you feel good about yourself.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:33 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Unnamed5 said
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    This seems to be an important issue for you, but I would like to procrastinate in any advice I would like to give you. But tell me this, how anxious or how soon are you willing to lose your virginity? Next week for example? I'm not in the writing or advice giving mood at the moment, and I would like to spend at least a couple of hours being acquainted with your personality by rereading some of the things you have stated here before, and only then will I actually give you my advice.

    So you basically want to remove any aspect of regret in your decision making, and I will assess whether a hook up is appropriate for you or not.


    Keeping my virginity for that one special guy has always been something very important to me, even when I was a little kid. I told myself that, that was something I would go the distance for him, wherever he is.

    But as i'm getting older, and seeing the perspectives of others on this site, it's becoming a more welcoming idea. But at the same time it's conflicting with how I feel about the idea of sex. Ever since I opened myself up to dating, the topic of sex was always something that came up.


    While people find such a question somehow insulting, you are a top, right? And if you are, you would have a lot more choice and leverage when it comes to sex and who you have it with. If you really do want to have sex, ensure that there is no aspect of desperation or compulsion on your part, and that the event proceeds from an outgrowth of what you are comfortable with and will never regret. And this person may speak of patience, but he may also be as desperate for sex as any other gay man seems to be, and he may be saying anything just to have sex with you or anyone else.

    I'll wait a day or a couple of days to properly respond to you. And don't mistake consensus on sexual topics, as something that's personally right for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:34 PM GMT
    In contrary to what some of the sluts on here say, sex is a big deal, you can get HIV, gonorrhea, hepatitis, as well as a broken heart.

    There are severe emotional and physical risks to sex, and it's behaviour, suppressed or used in excess, its psychologically and physically unhealthy, if you feel ready, by all means do it, but don't listen to gay men who treat sex like it's no big deal, that's why there are so many users out there and men with intimacy issues.

    Also remember you are being intimate with another human being, often whom you barely know, for all you know you could be starting a sequel to fatal attraction, know what you're doing, and who you are doing it with.
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:44 PM GMT
    Hi, not sure about how much of a virgin you are.

    If you've never messed around with a guy, I'd say take the plunge but take fucking of the table for the first time and see how it goes. If you feel comfortable with him you can fuck on a later date.

    If you've done everything but fucking already with guys, I'd say make that date, but don't let yourself be pressured into anal unless you feel the chemistry is right.

    Have fun and do it safer!
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    Aug 23, 2013 8:48 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidHi, not sure about how much of a virgin you are.

    If you've never messed around with a guy, I'd say take the plunge but take fucking of the table for the first time and see how it goes. If you feel comfortable with him you can fuck on a later date.

    If you've done everything but fucking already with guys, I'd say make that date, but don't let yourself be pressured into anal unless you feel the chemistry is right.

    Have fun and do it safer!


    the farthest thing I've ever done with a guy is just kiss, and that's it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 23, 2013 8:51 PM GMT
    aslanmaslan said
    HottJoe saidI started out as a top...


    mj-laughing.gif

    It's the size that counts.icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 23, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidOkay so, I texted him saying that I wasn't experienced with guys.. Like at all. just to pass the ball on his court, and he said he would be patient with me..

    what does that mean? patient as in when we are having sex or patient to mentally prepare me for having sex?


    I think it means what the rest have said AND patient as he is willing to work with you and kind of *ahem* teach you.

    Are you two dating though? I just don't want him to be some desperate guy who will drive 500 miles for sex. Just make sure he is sane.
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    Aug 23, 2013 10:05 PM GMT
    There's no harm in waiting, since you can't really predict how you will feel after doing the deed, you may end up feeling that you should have waited. As someone who hasn't gone beyond oral, I felt that I should have waited even to do that and beyond that, I'm definitely waiting for a boyfriend. Make sure it feels right and don't just do it to get it over with, you've got to think it out.
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    Aug 24, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Balance that waiting with something I'm going through now, which is regret for waiting so long. I waited longer than you did, and now regret wasting my youth for some ideal. My youth is the most BORING story ever, and it really was a waste.
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    Aug 24, 2013 2:05 AM GMT
    Mesmer said
    the farthest thing I've ever done with a guy is just kiss, and that's it.

    My first gay sex was a blow job I got, and gave. Absolutely fabulous, BTW. I carefully chose the guy, the place and the time. Just perfect.

    My biggest fear was that I would freak, and have some kind of panic attack in front of the poor guy. I'd only had straight sex my entire life. And while I kept telling myself this wasn't a final test of my belief that I was really gay, a part of me was saying: "Yes, that's really what this is".

    Well, I passed that "test" with flying colors. Best sex ever. I instantly knew this was what I had been missing all my life.

    But I wasn't ready for anal yet. Attempted it, hurt too much to proceed. Didn't need it, found enough guys who were happy with hand jobs and getting blown, and that satisfied me, too.

    After a few years, though, I felt I might be missing out. So once again I carefully picked the guy, the place and the time. He was a small-dicked guy I'd already blown, just right for an easy "deflowering". That worked out perfect, too. Not a guy I expected to marry, or have any LTR with. But I needed a trainer, somebody to break me in. Lovely.

    That's really all first gay sex is. We shouldn't get tangled-up with the straight model of virginity, based on the female sexual anatomy. We're gay men, for gawd's sake, not girls.

    Make it nice, make it pleasant, choose your guy and your circumstances. But it doesn't need to include wedding rings and moving in together. It more like your first kiss - sweet to remember, but just the first of many.
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    Aug 24, 2013 2:08 AM GMT
    You need to feel comfortable with the other person more than worry about having not done it. This person will be the one you always recall as your first. Even if all you do is jo together, doesn't matter, it's your first.

    If you don't feel comfortable doing something, then don't. There's NO magic age or requirement. As for being patient, means he'll let you set the pace. Take it slow, do what you're comfortable with and have no regrets. Sex is beautiful, regardless of who, when or where as long you're comfortable and enjoying it.
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    Aug 24, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    Slim2010 said

    What would be the purpose of waiting till you're in a relationship?


    The guy never got fucked and wants to do it with someone that cares, whats wrong with that??
    OP: no one is chasing you, you get laid whenever you feel like it, if you do it for the wrong reasons you might regret it later
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    Aug 24, 2013 3:44 AM GMT
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    I don't think you should listen to anyone on here. Sex is a very personal thing and different for everyone.

    But, I can tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for a bf. I didn't lose my virginity until i was 25. That's considered VERY LATE in gay years. I actually wanted to wait until marriage. But because I discovered I was gay, I realized it might have to before that. But I at least waited until I fell in love with someone. If you waited a long time, chances are it means something to you and you want to share it with someone special. So, I say follow your heart and do what you think is right. More importantly, do it when you feel you're ready...not because you're in a hurry. Good luck and wrap it up icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    Sex is NOT just sex.. that's a lie made by sluts... To not be bias.. Me knowing this I STILL HAVE had sex, yet Never with anyone I Loved sadly.... I gave into temptation.. I suggest hold out but I wouldn't judge you badly either way...

    Hope this helped icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    hellass said
    Mesmer saidSo, in the past years I've always told myself that I would hold out until I met a guy that's worth to give my first to, without any regrets.

    Being on the forums here I saw many different perspectives on sex. Others who felt as I did, and others who didn't. And I've been slowly getting used to the fact that sex might just be sex, and nothing more. I have been talking to this guy, and he wants to have sex and pretty much up to me to decide when we can do it.

    But, I feel like i'm at a cross roads. I don't know if I should continue to wait for maybe a boyfriend at least to give my first to, or should I just get it over with? I mean i'm not getting any younger.


    I don't think you should listen to anyone on here. Sex is a very personal thing and different for everyone.

    But, I can tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for a bf. I didn't lose my virginity until i was 25. That's considered VERY LATE in gay years. I actually wanted to wait until marriage. But because I discovered I was gay, I realized it might have to before that. But I at least waited until I fell in love with someone. If you waited a long time, chances are it means something to you and you want to share it with someone special. So, I say follow your heart and do what you think is right. More importantly, do it when you feel you're ready...not because you're in a hurry. Good luck and wrap it up icon_wink.gif


    You never lost it until you were twenty-five? And I thought I was a loser for still keeping it at nineteen. I wanted to lose it before I turned twenty in many months.